Nostalgia Friday: Alt Rock

Back in the mid 90’s, my musical taste was rather limited. It mainly consisted of what was on the radio, Green Day, and the Goo Goo Dolls. Yes, you read right, the Goo Goo Dolls. After admitting that, any musical cred I previously had probably went down the drain. Actually, come to think of it, I still listen to the Goo Goo Dolls. Okay, NOW any musical cred I have is officially down the drain.

Now that my musical tastes have matured just a wee bit (and I mean that in the most ironic of terms) I can now reflect back on the magical era of nine-o and appreciate some of the great alternative rock that came out.

Alternative rock is a curious genre. It’s not quite rock your socks off rock like it’s predecessors in the 80’s, but also not quite as depressing as the grunge that came out in the early 90’s. I made you want to kick ass while feeling slightly suicidal, a mixture of two extremes from the previous time eras. It rocked hard, but was kind of depressing. Actually, a lot of alt rock was depressing, and still is. Sad lyrics, deep thoughts, and a lot of whining about the ladies. Alt rock was like the emo of the 90’s, the only difference being that members of an alt band weren’t pussies. They actually had hard riffs and talent. Instead of seeing a Dashboard Confessionals asshole singing on stage, you got to see people on stage who rocked the fuck out.

A lot of music came from this genre, music I now wish I would have appreciated back then instead of today, but then again I can’t really be too hard on myself, I was only 10 back then.



I wasn’t aware that this song was made in 1985 for a while, but if you didn’t know, you would have thought it came straight from some post-grunge, Seattle angst band. Instead, Dramarama belted out this bad ass song like a bad relationship that threw the chair out the window. Or like the verbal vomit I just spat out. All you hear is desperation in the song, from the changes in chords to the howling yet whiny lyrics. The song takes you for a ride, on the edge of tumultuous times with a lover. The end result is plain awesome.

Then Dramarama became a political band. Poopy.



Melancholy at it’s hardest. Feel the Pain is a bi-polar tour de force in music, with tempo changes that make my head spin. At first, the song seems like a Collective Soul track, but thirty times more depressing. Then, out of no where, the rush picks up and you’re left with clean mini solos that break up all the monotony of the steady verses. When it’s over, you feel like you’ve been on a Prozac induced joy ride. (And ignore the Rock Band video part of it, this was the cleanest version I could find on Youtube).



I’m not sure if HUM qualifies as alt rock, because wikipedia dubs them as ‘space rock.’ I’m guessing space rock paved the way for bands like Finch, At the Drive In, and Thursday, but I would like to say HUM has some alt rock. Basically, mix in ladies with planets and stars, add some minor chords, and boom, you have a recipe for an alt (space) rock favorite.



Garbage was alt rock before they got more and more ‘European’, which is ironic considering three of their members are from Green Bay. Oh, and Shirley Manson is hot, and I’ve had some beers while writing this, so I’m just throwing it in.

I had more songs on this list, but I felt that any other writing would have sounded too forced, so for now, these songs make things all gravy. I know it ain’t sports, but I like it.

Yeah, Wrestling and Basketball Don't Mix

‘IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL WHAT THE ROCK IS……’

Um, am I interrupting something…

The Rock: Carmelo Anthony? What are you doing here? We have an episode of Raw to film today.

Melo: The Rock, what are YOU doing here? We have a game today, and I also thought you quit wrestling to make movies.

The Rock: Yeah well, that career plan didn’t pan out so well. Did you see Race to Witch Mountain?

Melo: No.

The Rock: Yeah, well that’s why I’m back to wrestling.

Melo: I see. Well anyway, we have to work something else. Obviously, there’s a scheduling conflict, and we both can’t…

HOLD ON RIGHT THERE

The Rock: Aww shit, you better hide Melo before it’s too late…



Vince McMahon: Well, well, well, what do we have here? A little dilemma no doubt involving two of the biggest sports companies in the world, the NBA, and my very own World Wrestling Federation. It seems we have a little booking problem, but me and Kroenke sports made a compromise. Instead of delaying Raw or the upcoming Lakers-Nuggets game, we decided to…………….. host both events at the same time!

The Rock: What?

Melo: What?

Chris Anderson: Say what, homeboy?

Melo: God damnit Chris! You only come out of the bus when I tell you to. Now go make me a ham sandwich. Shiet.

The Rock: I used to have the same exact problem with the Road Dogg.

Vince McMahon: Anyway, this is a stupendous idea, great, marvelous! Imagine two of America’s hottest commodities finally joining forces to provide entertainment to the masses. This is what I always envisioned, five minutes ago!

May 25th….

Announcer: Martin steals the ball from Odom, and he’s all alone!! He’s going for the break away slam dunk! But wait, what’s this? Someone is coming onto the court…


Announcer: Ow! Chair shot right into Martin’s face, and the ball has flown out of bounds. It’s not over yet though folks, it looks like The Undertaker is setting Martin for someone to throw the People’s Elbow…

Kobe: Did someone say Elbow?!?!?!

Hi, My Name Is Kobe Bryant, And Today I Would Like To Elbow You In The Face

Hi America,

I’m Kobe Bryant, super star basketball from the Los Angeles Lakers. You know, throughout my life, people have always asked me what I really enjoy to do with all my hours. What is my passion, the drive that keeps me alive, the thing that keeps me going everyday? Most people probably think it’s my wife, or my kids, or even basketball. Well, I’m sorry to inform you that most people are wrong. Yes, you heard right. At the end of the day, basketball, love, and money don’t matter if I can’t do what I truly love which is…

…elbowing people in the face.

Yes sir, after a hard days work at the courts, the only thing I really like to do is pour myself a glass of merlot, turn the TV on, plop myself on my nice plush couch, and start elbowing the night away. I pretty much like to elbow anything in sight, my lamp, my car, Mike Bibby, anything that comes my way.


I guess it all started when I was wee little boy at elementary school. One day I was playing basketball with some friends. I had just broken away with a steal and the only person guarding me was my friend Todd. As I drove hard for the easy layup, I noticed there was something wrong with Todd’s cheek. In the few milliseconds I had before the layup was complete, I took a quick look.

Why, it was perfectly clean, no bruises or anything! Then, at that moment, something inside of me ripped to my brain. For some reason, I don’t know why, I lost my sense of control. I remember it quite clearly, my elbow began to swing. I saw it move towards Todd’s face and you know what, I didn’t fight it.

And in a flash, it happened. BAM! Two points, and Todd was on the ground bleeding from the mouth. The other kids quickly ran to Todd to console him and some other kids ran to me to ask me, “what the fuck, man!” I just simple smiled, said “that’s part of the game,” and trotted away, like I do today. And you know what, after it was all over, I felt great about myself. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it was the fact that I scored, maybe it was the fact that I let Todd know no one can defend me, maybe it was the fact that I got away with it. All I knew is, right there and then, I found my calling in life.

And now, I get to do it for a living. Sure, I have to score some points and maybe get some assists here and there, but what really drives me on the court is when I see a defender with a nice, clean face and I get to plant one of these pointy elbows right into their temple. I even gave them names, Sherry and Dr. Pain.

And now, thanks to my influence, my teammates have found the Zen to elbowing. Just ask Luis Scola.



Ahh, nothing makes me happier than seeing an Argentinean eat one. Really makes me feel like I’m making a difference in the world.