I Am The New Measure of Godliness

That’s right, you heard me, I AM THE KING!!!! Who was able to topple the juggernaut from So Cal? Why, none other than Captain Comeback himself! Except this time, the only comeback that needed to happen was my hand coming back to my other hand, because I totally gave myself a high five after Stanford beat USC thanks to my Zeus like coaching on the field.

And did you see our ranking? We jumped all the way from 25 to number 14. We really climbed the polls this week, just like how the women of Palo Alto have been climbing the poll of a certain Stanford coach, if you catch my drift.

Oh, silly me. I didn’t realize not all of you have the superb Stanford intellectual capacity to follow that joke. When I say poll, it means my penis, and when I say climb, it means sexual intercourse. I hope that clears up things for those who aren’t coaching gurus like yours truly.

On a serious note though………….. aren’t I awesome? Just thinking about me makes me want to sport my O-Face.

Not many people can make themselves orgasm at the sight of themselves. It’s a true talent.

Now that the we pummeled USC, I can focus on more important things, like beer bongs. And chicks. And Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2. And beers. And bowling with Gerhardt. And beer. And practice of course…… ahh, just fuckin’ with you! Did I mention beer?

Who do we have next week anyway? Cal? Ughhhhhhhhh.

Great, another meeting with Jeff Tedford, the ying to my yang, the Wily Coyote to my Roadrunner, the Johnny Unitas to my Joe Namath, the um, shit, can’t think of anything else. Whatever, analogies are for losers, and people who go to USC. Get it? By putting losers next to USC, I’m implying they are losers. That’s Stanford intellect for you. You don’t think so? Well fuck you.

But seriously, just look at this guy:



Now look at a few pictures of me, thanks to Google search:

Wait that’s not right, how about now?

Shit, um ok, here’s a decent picture:


Grrr…. I am fierce. Look at those teeth grit!

But I do have a new priority, contact Google picture search and tell them to delete any unflattering pictures of the Jim, unless they want to feel the wrath from the Harbaugh-inger of Pain. Like that nickname? Well I made it up a few minutes ago, and it RULZ.

Seriously though, this Tedford guy is like machine, what kind of plays am I going to come up with this week? Guess I’ll have to take one out of the whole Jim Harbaugh playbook and ask big bro to score me some tips and do my homework for me. Ahhh, just like in college!