Kevin Johnson vs Barack Obama: On The Court

Only after 20 hours or so into his new presidency, Barack Obama already has his share of doubters. The lack of confidence doesn’t come from conservatives who are still ho hum about his silence on Gaza, or ignorant folk who are skeptical of an African American President. No, this time the source of the doubt is coming from an even greater American monster:



Oh Kevin Johnson, you silly silly man. You think just because you played in the NBA that you can challenge the great Barack Obama. The same Barack Obama who united the country and tore down partisanship? The same Barack Obama who inspired a nation to defy odds and accomplish the once impossible? The same Barack Obama who will end hunger, poverty, lower gas prices, and throw piles of money to American citizens once his term is in full gear? Oh, Kevin Johnson, you are a mere mortal, while Barack is a god!!!!

So KJ thinks he can take President Obama in a one on one match up in hoops. Well no freakin’ duh. Sure, Obama is a superior politician who has accomplished many things, but KJ is a former NBA all star. He’s a guy that is a future hall of famer, a guy that was on the Dream Team II for crying out loud. Obama didn’t even play ball at Columbia, and their team sucks. Even I could be a walk on there. So in terms of B-Ball skills, yeah, KJ has his number.

Nevertheless, I decided to present a true tale of the tape between the two if they ever would throw down on the hardwood rectangle of death we spectators call “the basketball court.”

Kevin Johnson
Height_____________6 ft 1 in
Weight_____________190 lbs
Birthplace_____________ Sacramento, California
Residence_____________ Sacramento, California
Nickname_____________ Frog Jr
Political Party_____________ Democratic
Biggest Fans_____________ People from the Jordan era of basketball fans
Not-So-Biggest Fans_____________ 16 year old girls, Heather Fargo
Secret Ally _____________Ahhh-nold
Entrance Music _____________ “Wild Thing” by Tone Loc
Greatest Accomplishment _____________ Being a member of the Dream Team II
Finishing Move _____________ Challenging someone to a game where the advantage is obviously his


Barack Obama
Height_____________ 6 ft 2 in
Weight _____________ 185 lbs
Birthplace_____________ Honolulu, Hawaii
Residence_____________ Chicago, Illinois
Nickname _____________ Many (usually consists of the words Hope or Change)
Political Party _____________ Democratic
Biggest Fans _____________ Hollywood
Not-So-Biggest Fans _____________ Republicans, Racists, People who didn’t vote for him and are now called racists by liberals even though they’re really not
Secret Ally _____________ Menthol cigarettes
Entrance Music _____________ “Obama is Here” by Ludacris
Greatest Accomplishment _____________ Uh…. isn’t it obvious?
Finishing Move _____________ Giving liberals an excuse to act as obnoxious as Bush supporters