David Beckham World Domination Tour

David Robert Joseph Beckham, international sensation. One of the biggest soccer, or should I say football, stars in the world, along with Kaka, Ronaldo, Ronaldinho, and who have you not.

Now, I'm not a big soccer fan, but I was able to witness a match between arch rivals AS Roma and Lazio at Stadio Olimpico in Rome, Italy. I understand how big this sport is in Europe, and I definitely know that soccer fans are SERIOUS about their soccer territories. You talk about gangs here, they talk about soccer there.

Girls love him for his physique and good looks, and I guess some guys admire him for his way with the ladies. But soccer fans, what's wrong with this guy? He's practically trying to take over the world!

Domination Tour Stop #1: England

Born and raised in England, hometown hero playing for the powerhouse home team in Manchester United, someone who was actually good at the game, everyone loved him, yada yada yada...

Becoming the face of England, becoming bigger than the Queen herself, taking over England was like taking candy from a baby for David Beckham.

Domination Tour Stop #2: Spain

Traveled south to Madrid, Real Madrid. A few years later, the Spanish girls were drooling for him and the parties in Barcelona were dedicated to him. This man is unstoppable. Napoleon Bonaparte got nothing on him.

Domination Tour Stop #3: India

Bend It Like Beckham, enough said.

Domination Tour Stop #4: USA

Hollywood movie deals about him, and reality shows. David Beckham easily found the way to America's heart. Underwear model? Extra bonus for the valley girls.

Domination Tour Stop #5: Italy

Going to America was a vacation for him. Now he wants to actually play soccer again for the super competitive AC Milan, after dissing American soccer and calling it WEAK. Either way, a heavens load of money is going to be involved, enough for him to enjoy a delicious serving of panino con prosciutto e mozzarella every single day of his life.

Domination Tour Stop #6: China

With a gazillion people, you would think...but not this time, because truth will prevail. David Beckham is no match for Yao Ming and his brother/honorary Chinese ambassador Shaquille O'Neal, creator of the one and only SHAQ FU!