Drew Breesy Makes it Look Easy..Against the Niners

Or maybe not.

It wasn't that the Saints played exceptionally well on Sunday to win the game; it was that the Niners just weren't performing. Reggie Bush, after scoring me about 30 fantasy points last week, ran a dreadful 31 yards on 10 attempts. He did however get 5 receptions.... for 7 yards. How many screen passes can you throw before you figure it's time to give up?

Deuce "Deuce" McAllister did return from the injury graveyard and scored a TD. Good for him. Flashes back to the 2005 season were floating in my head. And my main man, Drew Breesy as I call him, did a heck of a good job. 3 touchdowns and 363 yards. Not so bad!

And O'Sullivan, well...how many times did he get sacked? I lost count after 5. And I lost faith when he threw his second interception. Ouch. Guess he really was missing the luck 'o the Irish. He was just lucky.... he didn't get injured. Wakka Wakka Wakka.

I almost thought I was watching Brett Favre, until I heard he threw 6 touchdown passes. What the heck?? Seriously...

FUCK YOU BRETT FAVRE!

And Rodgers got injured. Ugh. I can already hear all those fat moans from "Wisco" groaning about how they made a mistake sticking to the man from the bay and letting old Dinosaur face go. Way to create some unnecessary drama, hillbilly.


KCCal (a big Kurt Warner fan) also isn’t happy you took a crap all over the Jesus Freak’s team. Seriously, fuck Brett Favre.

Moped? Are You Kidding Me?

Come on, Monta! What is up with you?! After signing a 6-year $66 million contract with the Warriors, this is how you repay the team and their fans? With a stupid moped that will keep you out of the court until December?


What were you trying to do? Pop a wheely with your pimped-out 5 inch rims? Did you at least bling it out with some orange/yellow/blue and add some Warriors decals on that bad boy? If you're didn't do all that, what is the point with this moped?

Second, you're getting paid $11 million a year. Why are you riding in a moped? Shouldn't I be strolling down the street seeing you roll by in one of these?


So what now? Monta, you have to represent Oakland now. And mopeds are not going to cut it. If you're going to get hurt, go do something crazy. When Vladimir Radmanovic got hurt snowboarding, his excuse was he fell on a sheet of ice. Your excuse was playing pickup basketball but it was actually a moped. WTF?

Correct me if I'm wrong, so NBA allows players to jump in pickup bball games but they can't go on any moped runs? I'm probably wrong, but yeah, moped STILL doesn't make sense.


So Monta, I hope you learned your lesson. Next time I hear you getting hurt driving, it better only be driving down the lane and laying up the ball for 2 points. The only pick up I want to hear from you is you picking up trash around the city to help clean up Oak-town. And IF some crazy story were to happen again, I expect a better excuse, like you were dodging bullets around town and got sliced by a couple here and there, not some moped shit. Aight?

Youtube Sundays: Adam Sandler - Lonesome Kicker

In 1974, the uprights were right on the goal line
But some of the players were running into them
And getting hurt
So screw the kicker
Who cares about the kicker?

Awesome.

Forever Giant: J.T. Snow

J.T. Snow, what a classy guy. I will always remember him as a Giant. So many great memories of him. Blows the nicest Bubble Yum bubble.

Today, the Giants have resigned J.T. for a day so he could retire as a San Francisco Giant. That just makes my day as a Giants fan. He's also in the starting lineup. It would definitely be awesome to actually see him on the field in his old #6 Giants uniform fielding 1st base, but I guess you can't wish for too much.

It's Saturday, we'll take it easy. Let's look back at a couple reasons why we all love J.T. Snow.


Spectacular defense every single game. Probably the best defensive first baseman EVER! Name someone who's better. Nada! Zilch!


2000 NLDS against the Mets. In Game 2, Giants up 1-0 in the series, down 4-1 in the bottom of the 9th, 2 man on, J.T. comes to the plate. You guessed it. J.T. hits a BOMB off none other than Armando Benitez down the right field line.

First year at Pacific Bell Park: Memorable.

Giants eventually lost the game 5-4 in 10 innings and the series 3-1, but it's ok. That led to this next picture:


J.T. saves little Darren Baker's life! (Darren, when you grow old enough to read this, go give J.T. a big hug.)

The Giants eventually beat the Cardinals in 7 games in dramatic fashion when Kenny Lofton singled in David Bell from 2nd base. All was happy until the Angels and their Rally Monkey took the World Series title from the Giants because of Felix Rodriguez in the 8th inning of Game 6.

Anyways, J.T. Snow, Bubble Gum Master, Defensive Magician, Clutch Lefty, and Hero. Thank you for being a San Francisco Giant.

Oregon State Celebrates Its Upset With A Big Helping Of........ Erin Andrews?!

Unless you’ve been shunned from watching college football (or suffering a massive hangover), you probably have heard the big news:

Yes, that’s right, the big bad Pac-10 juggernaut known as USC has been beaten for the third time in a row by another lowly Pac-10 team. Two years ago it was Oregon State, one year ago it was Stanford, and this year it was Oregon State, AGAIN. Pete Carroll must be jutting his Jay Leno chin to oblivion.

Oregon State has continued its legacy as a giant killer. Last year, as you may recall, the Beavers beat #2 ranked Cal in a game that Cal fans will remember as “that game when our dipshit QB forgot to throw the ball away.” Totally not my own words to describe it, but I’ll take it. If you count in the fact that earlier that day #1 LSU had lost to Kentucky, and Cal moved up to #1 in those few hours in between LSU’s loss and Cal’s, then that means this is the second year in a row Oregon State has beaten a #1 team.

Now, like any good blogger (nerd), I did the thing most of us do after a thrilling game, I went on the web. Usually I would go to ESPN.com, but instead I needed to check my fantasy teams, so I headed over to Yahoo Sports to kill two birds with one stone. Naturally, the main headline was about USC’s loss, but the accompanying front page photo was a bit, ummm peculiar?

(Click on the photo to get a better look)

I can already hear Mike Nadal screaming “ANDREWSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Even a good old field storming is not immune from the entity known as EA. What’s funnier is that the sign is the only thing that stands out in the whole photo. You just see a big wave of orange and the We Heart Erin Andrews Sign.

Then I went to ESPN to get the story from them, and wouldn’t you know:

Though it’s partially cut off, it’s pretty obvious this sign is the same one from the above photo. Two major websites, one sign, millions of fans who got the hots for Ms. Andrews. Oh what a small world it is.

The headline is also pretty funny. Erin Andrews, Beaver, and Trojans all in one story. Insert your sex joke here.

I know the internet LOVES Erin Andrews, but couldn’t Yahoo Sports or ESPN have picked another photo for its front page? I already have practically every sports blog out there to get my fill of EA’s hotness, so is this really necessary? On second thought, yes, yes it is.

UPDATE: About five minutes later, Yahoo changed it’s front page to this:

Lame.

Tales From the Raiders Reporting Graveyard

On a Wednesday night, The Play in California was able to sneak one of its prized writers (KCCAL) into the Raiders conference in order to get the real scoop on what the situation is with Lane Kiffin. Is he fired, is he not fired, when will he get fired? Nobody knows, but as the ninth best California sports parody site on the internet, we feel that our loyal readers deserve the real scoop behind Oakland’s closed doors.

Ever since the Kawakami Meltdown, security has been tight to all media, so we had to do a little B and E in order to get the real deal.

The following events took place September 23, 2008 from 10 pm to 11 pm. One man was sent to Oakland to investigate Raiders headquarters, but never returned. During his investigation he carried a tape recorder to chronicle his thoughts. This is the transcript from his investigation. Read at your own caution.

“The time right now is 10:02 at night. It seems that the office is closed, but I was able to sneak in before the lock down. I was also able to hide in a cabinet when the guards were making their rounds. I was successfully undetected. My goal is to scoop up any information regarding Lane Kiffin’s job status. I will not leave until I find something, so I will spend the next 10 minutes snooping around Rob Ryan’s office.”

“Time is now 10:15. Spent the last ten minutes or so around Ryan’s office. Search was inconclusive. Found nothing noting Lane Kiffin. Did not even find any information regarding a defensive game plan. Did find a copy of Madden ’09 and a list of plays titled “Ask Madden Plays.” Seems that Ryan’s defensive strategy is to turn on Madden during a Raiders game and press the square button on his PS3 to see what game hints Madden offers. Interesting. Also found a journal with only one entry on the front page. Entry reads: SLAYER RULZZZZ! Entering Gregg Knapp’s office now.”

“Current time is 10:30. Knapp’s office is very simple. Aside from a desk that is clean and empty and some notes on the wall that read “must remember not to call JaMarcus ‘Daunte’” the room has nothing good to offer. Did discover two items of note: 10 pound Kirkland Signature Hair Gel purchased at Costco and book titled “How to Control Your Widow's Peak” written by Mel Kiper. Next office to check is Al Davis’s”

“Office is dark, even for the night. It is adorned with various Raider paraphernalia. Desk is messy, scattered with various copies of Ponce De Leon’s maps to the fountain of youth. Office also omits an odor of burnt cheese and mothballs. In the corner there seems to be a picture of Al shaking hands with a tall, muscular man. The man also has horns adorned to his head, reddish skin, and a spear tipped tail. Setting of the photo seems to be very brightly lit. Fire can be seen in the background."

Davis’s office also seems to have various trap doors controlled by red buttons underneath his desk. There also seems to be a …. Wait I hear something in the hall… Someone is approaching, must hide…. Hid under a desk, figure seems to be stopping in front of the office door…. Figure is opening door, I’m getting scared… Figure seems to have stopped with the door opening, continued down the hall.

That was a close one. Anyway, there seems to be a-

CRASH!!!

What was that? Who’s there? Is there someone in here? Show yourself, show your- OH MY GOD! DEAR LORD IT’S… IT’S…..JOHN HERRERA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”



(other voice)

SNEAK INTO A RAIDERS OFFICE HUH???!?! WHO ARE YOU, A REPORTER!?! DAMNIT, DIDN’T YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENED EARLIER THIS WEEK?!? I’M GOING TO DO TO YOU WHAT I WISHED I DID TO KAWAKAMI, YOU LITTLE SHIT. TIME TO SAY YOUR PRAYERS, FUCKO!

(voice of KCCAL)

Wait, John please, I’m sorry. Don’t do this! Don’t….AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

KCCAL wasn’t heard from again, until of course he decided to write this article.

Nash From Orange County Returns In Time For The MLB Playoffs

Hey everyone,

Ever since the NBA playoffs have ended, I haven’t had much to do. I mean, there have been a lot of things going on in the world, with the financial crisis and the election. Things have been pretty grim as of late. This 700 billion dollar bail out is very serious stuff. I hope Paulson really knows what he’s doing. I’ve been talking to many economic analysts who have been proposing many different strategies on tackling this crisis and they came up with………HOLY SHIT, is that a new pink Ralph Lauren pink polo?!?!

Wow it’s so rad dude, I MUST HAVE, I MUST HAVE!!!!!

Anyways, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, the seriousness of Wall Street, as I was saying the analysts I talk to came up with a brilliant proposal. Basically, we need to start with…

RING RING RING.

Oh wait, hold on, I have a call.

“Hello?. Wassup dude?.... Nah man, YOU were totally ballin’ yesterday, for sure dude…. I can’t believe Leanna got so drunk yesterday, that was off the hook. Dude, can you believe what she was wearing?.... Oh man, the bars down in Westwood are going to be awesome tonight, I’m going to be sporting all my Dodger gear… Can you believe they’re making the playoffs… Wait they haven’t made them yet?... Oh well, they will for sure, that’s what us hardcore fans believe!.... They like came out of nowhere, I didn’t really follow them this year or anything, but now that they’re in the playoffs, it’s show time….FOR SURE DUDE! All right, I’ll catch you later brah!”

Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, so down concerning the Dow Jones… oh did I show you the new Dodgers cap I just bought.

Isn’t it sick? It’s gonna look great when I go to the playoffs sporting it. Tickets are going to cost a grip, but it’s nothing for this HARDCORE DODGERS FAN! GO BLUE!!!

Man, well I gotta run, but I’ll be sure to catch up about politics and the economy and that junk. Time flew by so fast, I totally didn’t get my point across. I wonder why?

Things Are Coming Up Norv!

Monday night, after the Chargers had just finished beating the Jets 48-29….

Chargers Staff Member #1: Great game Norv.

Chargers Staff Member #2: Yeah, great game Norv.

Chargers Staff Member #3: That was an awesome game, Mr. Turner.

Norv Turner: Thanks guys! All these congrats really mean a lot. It’s really a good feeling to get that monkey off your back. For a moment there, with the 0-2 start, I was really worried that I wasn’t going to see the end of the year as head coach of the Chargers.

CSM #1: You mean you thought you might have lost your job?

Norv: You’re darn right I was worried about losing my job.

CSM #2: Why sir? I know every game counts, but sir, it’s only been two losses. Why were you so worried about losing your job? Surely upper management would cut you a little slack.

Norv: Listen guys, when you’re Norv Turner, you get no slack. People only see me as one big loser, never being able to win the big one.

CSM #3: But you made it to the championship game last year.

Norv: Doesn’t matter, when people think you’re a loser, you’re a loser. So no matter what, if more losses piled up, it would’ve just built up this perception more and more. The only thing I can do to try to shake off this loser reputation is to win some more games, which is why this win was so important.

CSM #2: That whole reputation thing, it sounds kind of rough, Mr. Turner.

Norv: Yeah, well that’s the NFL guys. Anyway, I have to get back home guys. See ya next week.

CSM #1: Okay Norv, see ya later.

CSM #2: See ya Norv.

CSM #3: See ya Norv. Hopefully this win will change your fortunes.

Norv: You know what? I think it actually might do the trick. Thanks for the chat guys.

Norv gets into his car and begins to drive back home.

Norv: Boy, this win sure was awesome. It’s finally good to get back into the driver’s seat and get San Diego on track. Philip looked very proficient out there, maybe I’ll try to mix it up with the run and pass. LT also looked solid. I’m so proud of what I was able to do to Favre out there. For once, I could see the other’s team offense clearly.

I don’t know what it was out there, but things just seemed different. Maybe those guys are right. Maybe things are going to change after all! Things are starting to look up for Norv. The players are starting to respect me, ESPN is starting to warm up to me after the blow out, even San Diego loves me. Yes world, I’m back on track! I finally feel accepted. I mean who out there doesn’t love good old Norv?


I’m gonna rip Norv’s head off!!! ARRRGH, PUMP MORE IRON!

Winning and Losing in California

How different the two sides of the Bay Area is feeling after the 3rd week of the regular NFL season.


We are seeing quite a lot of this long-haired profile picture of JT O'Sullivan. Google him and you would not be able to find much of anything else besides this. Led by JTO, the San Francisco 49ers, that's right I repeat, the San Francisco 49ers, are tied for 1st place in the western division. It may be a bit too early to get excited, but living in the bay area, if we get a chance, we go all over that shit.

Because before the season's over, the 49ers may likely be a bottomfeeder in the division once again, because that's the way we've gotten to know them the past few years. We're all still waiting for the great QB/WR eras of the ye olde San Francisco days to come back.

But being excited in San Francisco is waaaaaaaaay better than what's going on in Oak-town across the bay:


Al Davis is killing football for the Oakland Raiders. Al Davis is the nightmare of the Raiders. Every other day, there's something about Al Davis firing someone else on the Raiders. Here's another one today about Kiffin being fired, supposedly for real this time after losing to Marshawn "Ghostride" Lynch and the Buffalo Bills, giving up 17 points in the final 8 minutes of the game.

All I can say is that for right now, the 49ers are living it up because they're proving everyone wrong in the NFL, including themselves, and the Raiders are trying to prove something to Al Davis, somehow, which is impossible. The only way the Raiders will get better is if they rid of Al Davis, but that is impossible also. What are you supposed to do if you're a Oakland Raider?

And how about those Chargers? Philip Rivers, LT, Antonio Gates, they must be DOMINATING!! Let's see what happens tonight when they play Brett Favre and the Jets. Man, it would suck if they lose and start 0-3 to tie with the Kansas Sucky Chiefs.


My advice for them is to play some Madden before each game and pick some plays from them. John Madden knows his shit, man! "Anytime you have a game, you have to be ready to play." Or how about "Here's a guy, that when he wears his contacts, he see's better." What happened to LT tossing TD passes? Don't let Ronnie Brown school you like that LT!!

YouTube Sundays: Goodbye Yankee Stadium

How Do You Like My Popped Collar Now?

Bitches.

San Diego, Give Ed a Break, He's Sorry!

You may have heard, but Ed Hochuli is pretty depressed about that blown call he made on Sunday. I’m not talking about the kind of depressed that can be washed away with a few Irish Car Bombs and some swigs courtesy of Mr. Jim Beam, no, I’m talking about DEPRESSED, depressed. He’s so depressed, ESPN is writing stories on it. This is the kind of depression that puts one in a state where they can only think about their past failure over and over and over while simultaneously sucking at everything in present time.

I basically call it Neil O’ Donnell syndrome.

Before Super Bowl XXX, Neil O’Donnell was enjoying a semi successful career. He was an average quarterback for the Steelers who had anything but mind boggling stats, but he was decent enough to lead a team to victory. He’s basically the NFL’s everyday kind of guy who goes in and just does his job, the Trent Edwards of the mid 90’s. That being said, during Super Bowl XXX, O’ Donnell made two major mistakes. One was a completely horrid pass that was a gimme to Cowboys corner Larry Brown. The second mistake was another easy pick to Brown thrown late in the 4th quarter. Experts agree that the second pick was not O’ Donnell’s fault (his WR Yancy Thigpen ran a wrong route), but that interception sealed the deal for a Cowboys victory. Neil was left a shattered man (in my opinion anyway). The next year, Neil signed with the Jets leading them to a dismal 0-6 start and then went to the Bengals, then to the Titans, and then to obscurity.

The lesson of the story is one small mistake can lead to big mistakes down the road. The NFL is the biggest mental battle in the world where every game is crucial and every mistake is remembered by angry, bitter, unforgiving fans. Granted in Ed’s case these fans are from San Diego, where anger is a simple myth thanks to their sunny weather, sandy beaches, and general nice houses. Actually, on second though, fuck you San Diego, you lucky bastards.

Ed seems to have a lot of regret for that mistake he made. He’s genuinely sorry, and I accept his apology. Ed’s a good ref, and generally players seem to have many good things to say about him. If Ed keeps dwelling on this problem, we may never see him as a confident official to the game anymore. Instead, we may see a completely different side to Ed.

Now let’s face it, Ed Hochuli is one buff guy. Take a look at this.

If there’s one thing I know about people, when they’re emotionally upset, they can go through two routes. One is to get pissed off as hell and pump more iron to get buffer:

Leads to this:

Which leads to this:

The other is to go into an endless shame spiral and eat the hell out of themselves, gorging on every single calorie they see. They slowly get fatter and fatter until sooner or later they end up as a documentary special on The Learning Channel:

Leads to this:

Which makes all roads to fat land:


My advice to Ed is don’t worry about it! Everyone makes mistakes, cheer up guy! People from San Diego are douches anyway (even though I secretly would LOVE to live there). The world is a better place when Ed Hochuli isn’t a roided freak or the second coming of Rosie O’ Donnell.

The Hunt for October

Sorry, late post today guys! Thought you might needed the extra time to take in all the injuries, DUI arrests, and idiocy that busted your fantasy football team in the NFL the past couple weeks.

With the NFL starting to get into shape, TPIC will blow your mind by talking about BASEBALL! So what's the dealio?


For the 4th time in the past 5 years, the Halos are the American League Western Division Champions. This year, they did it with an entire month of baseball left to play, but it's not like there's any competition anyways. The second place Rangers are almost 20 games behind those slugging rally monkeys. And it doesn't hurt to have a guy named Francisco Rodriguez on your team who's setting the Major League record for saves in a season.

One advice: Don't choke in the playoffs!

Across the freeway, the Dodgers are now leading the NL West by a couple games. I guess Manny did come and save the day, hair or no hair (I don't care), disrespect to former team or not.


There's the southern California teams. So how about the Nor-Cal studs of the Yay Area?

WE SUCK DEEP-SHITTING ASS!!

I mean, we suck so much ass that there's no more ass to suck after a couple innings of suckiness. Man, that totally sucks ass! It's not even worth mentioning how much we suck cuz we suck so much. How many sucks can I say in one sucking sentence? Not as much as how the Suck Francisco Giants and the Oakland SuckA's are doing. Out of the entire bay you can only name 1 player who's a stud: Tim Lincecum, who could still win the Cy Young. Otherwise, baseball in the Bay Sucking Area does not exist in 2008. (I'm still a die-hard Giants fan, but we suck!)

However, one good thing coming out of this post is that my prediction a couple months ago still stands! In the AL, Tampa Bay is still on track to their first World Series, the Red Sox are still fighting for the East, Ozzie Guillen still hates Chicago even though their team's leading the Central, the Angels can just stop playing for a month. In the NL, the Dodgers are keeping the freeway series dream alive, the Phillies and Mets are fighting for their lives, and the Brewers are hoping that Vallejo-native CC Sabathia can carry the team, while the Cubs are dominating until they get to the World Series and the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL Steve Bartman will come and touch every single baseball on the field.

Fear thy evil-rimmed glasses and satanic headphones, muahahahha!!!

There you have it. Before you get pumped up every week for more bone crushing tackles ala Jahvid Best and gear up to not watch Monta Ellis play for a couple months, there's still some Steve Bartman left in baseball, or some baseball left in Steve Bartman.

So Am I Getting Fired Or What?

Because seriously, I got better things to do than coach this team. I could be on the coast of Cabo sipping a nice Margarita under the nice Mexican sun, hanging out with Sammy Hagar. Surely he can relate to all this backstage sissy fighting.

A lot of people say they would kill for the chance to coach an NFL team. Well I tell those people that I would kill for a chance to get the hell out of here. Every fucking day I have to walk into my office with a third eye in the back of my head, constantly looking around to see if Al Davis’s scrotum like prune face is coming down my way. If it is, I’m running to the water cooler.

Can you blame me though? Would you want to work for this troll?

Look at me there; I was so smug in that picture. At that time I thought, “Man, I’m from USC. I worked for Pete “Mussolini” Carroll. Working for Al “The Midnight Vampire” Davis should be a piece of cake. I should be able to co exist with the real life Mr. Burns. I mean if Homer Simpson can, certainly Lane Kiffin can.”

Well guess what Pre-Davis Kiffin, you are full of shit. Real world 1, Kiffin 0.

Worst of all, the whole reason this started was because of my little tiff with Rob Ryan. Yeah, so what if I wanted the guy to get fired. Last time I checked, I wasn’t the one who let Jay Cutler and the Broncos score 41 points all over my defense. Okay, so I kind of also was that guy, but regardless, he’s the defensive coordinator. Tell him to coordinate some goddamn defense then.

And don’t bring up Sunday! Big deal, we held the Chiefs to 8 points. That accomplishment is about as great as beating a kid with down syndrome in Trivial Pursuit. Nice job, Rob. I should just book you and Derek Anderson a night out at the town for dinner at Restaurant Le Fluke.

And they want to hire this guy after I get fired? Genius Al, genius! He can barely control his defense, how the hell can he control a whole team? There’s only one job that suits him: Metallica roadie. They’re going on tour soon too, so that would be perfect! I should give them a call.

But seriously guys, just let me know if I’m going to get the pink slip or not, because surf season isn’t going to last forever, and I want to book those tickets to Mexico pronto. Comprende, assholes?!

DeSean Jackson Is Now A Member of the Leon Lett Hall of Fame

I didn't like the Monday Night Football folks calling Desean Jackson a bonehead, repeatedly.

But c'mon DeSean, are you for real?
For real? Seriously?!?

Well, for all you folks out there that thought Desean Jackson, Mr. #10 on the Philadelphia Eagles, 2nd round, 49th overall pick in the 2008 draft was going to pay his dues and learn his lessons in big-time football humility..you were wrong!

Donovan McNabb, it's a 61 yard TOUCHD..wait...no...no...tell me you did not Desean. You did not!!!

You did. You let the ball go? You tossed it back? What the hell?? Oh..what sorrow. And it reminds me of this:

Reggie Bush prematurely celebrating...(the Saints lost to the Bears in the 2006 Championship game)

I guess no matter how hard the Eagles' coaching staff has tried, they couldn't break his habits.

He's just a little in over his head, huh?

Anyhow, we all know how much talent and potential Desean Jackson has. Imagine how much earlier in the draft he'd have gotten picked if he had better work ethics and maybe a little less cockiness. Because look, it's his 2nd game and he's got 100+ receiving yards.

Beasty.

Maybe he'll learn. And let us just wait. Desean messed up, getting way too cocky...about 2 yards too early. And lucky for him, Westbrook handled business and scored that touchdown in the next play.

But it could have been like another Jackson moment. Remember at the VMA's when Britney Spears presented Michael Jackson with a birthday cake, and he gave an acceptance speech b/c he thought she was giving him an award for the 'performer of the millenium' but it wasn't really one? Yeah, that was bad.


SoOooOoo...step it up by taking a step back (if you know what I'm saying, Desean)!

The Nay in California, Tough Times On College Gameday

Saturday was a tough day for college football fans around California. The Golden State had a total of eight teams out on the field Saturday and after the day’s games, the results were anything but golden. Instead, only two of those seven teams managed to muster up a big W on September 14th. We all know what went down in the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum that evening, but who was the only other team to emerge a winner? This team:

Don’t get too excited, they were playing San Diego State. Someone had to win, well except the people watching. So how did all the other teams do? Well…

Cal lost to Maryland in a game that will most likely be remembered this year as the game that set us back into reality. Oh, and there’s also that hit….

UCLA got spanked by BYU. Seriously, BYU. The same BYU that barely held on to beat Washington last week if it wasn’t for all the extra “end zone dancing” that occurred. I guess Slick Rick is starting to see things full circle.

Fresno State lost a squeaker to Wisconsin in a game that was slightly more exciting than watching the last three seasons of SNL. Or baseball.

Stanford lost to TCU while the game was feeling the effects of Hurricane Ike rolled in. Meanwhile several other sporting events in Texas were postponed because of the storm, like the Texans and Ravens game. Pussies.

And then there was USC. It’s funny, when I go on Facebook and I quickly see a lot of anti-USC sentiment among my fellow Cal peers. USC has never really done anything to us other than the horrible trait that they dominate us year in and year out (and please don’t bring any references to that triple OT game in 2003). Some people like to consider USC a rival for colleges of the Bay Area because they represent everything that Northern California loathes so much: they’re rich, they’re blond and blue eyed, and they don’t say “hella.” However, last time I checked, rivals keep things somewhat competitive when they face off. Not so much the case with USC vs. Cal.

If anything, Cal fans, along with every other fan in the Pac-10 should be groveling at the leather laced shoes of the Trojan nation. Plain and simple, USC saved the Pac-10. Without their trouncing of Ohio State, our “power” conference would have absolutely zero credibility. How can we claim conference dominance when
A) Arizona State (one of our ranked teams) can’t beat a lowly Non BCS Conference school like UNLV
B) Another Non BCS Conference School, BYU, lays a can of holy Mormon whoop ass on UCLA
C) Cal gets its way into the top 25 only to be trounced by Maryland (it wasn’t as close as the score made it seem people)
D) Our last remaining ranked team (Oregon) can barely pull out a win against non ranked Purdue

With a Saturday like the Pac-10 had, we might as well just go off to the corner and play patty cake with the Big East while the REAL BCS Conferences go out and play ball. Had USC lost to Ohio State, the Pac-10 would have been reeling, looking for a savior to save them from their pitiful performances in Week 3.

Luckily though, USC won and still retains that number 1 rank, ensuring that at least the Pac-10 can hang around throughout the year and retain its relevance. Here’s to look forward to next Saturday, because last weekend was just brutal.

Youtube Sundays: Jahvid Best....Ouch

Sorry Cal fans, I had to do it.

What About Our Big Game Today?

Big deal, USC vs Ohio State. Talk about over hyped. No one really cares about this game, we all know that the actual big game today is the UCLA vs BYU match going on. I mean UCLA is California's REAL college. Am I right guys? Am I right? Stand up if you're with me!!!



Ah shit.

UPDATE: Well now we can see why no one cared about the game.  Just pathetic.

How Do You Like My Computer Skills Now, Son?

Welcome to the new, and maybe improved, TPIC! You'll notice that the site has a new spiffy design, and those of you lucky enough to see the construction of it might have noticed some odd things going on with the banner. That's been resolved now though. There's a few big games going on this weekend, so get ready for some madness and a Youtube Sunday coming up.

How exciting!

WE ARE BACK............Starting Sunday

After much soul searching and a nice long break, TPIC will resume its elementary school level writing and continue to provide you loyal readers (I'm not sure how many of you exist) with new material. Expect the following topics to be covered:

- Shawne Merriman
- Kevin Riley not sucking
- Nate Longshore sucking
- The nuclear aftermath of the USC - Ohio St. game
- UCLA's inevitable rank to the top, only to be followed by a mid season collapse
- Video games (like the one pictured)
- And whatever we feel like writing about

Also, there might be some format changes going on around here, or the site might crash in the process of making said changes. Stay tuned.