Let the Apocalypse Begin

God have mercy on us all.

Kobe Bryant's Life Accomplishments

Getting drafted at 17 years old, right out of high school, really did Kobe Bryant, Mr. KB24, some good. He didn't have to waste 4 more years of his life in college to fulfill some life-long dreams. Still fairly young and at the top of his game, let's take a photographic look back at the things that he's already accomplished.

Win the NBA Championship.

Rap a little bit in between championships.

Win the All-Star MVP award.

Then kick Shaq out of town.

Grow a little fro and rape (or not rape) 19-year-old Colorado girls.

Cry a little bit.

Before buying his hot wife a $4 million ROCK to say sorry.

Change his number to have the ability to do ballet in a game and jump over cars.

Then finally winning the league MVP this year, with the Lakers going back to the NBA Finals again after beating the oh-so-boring-what-took-them-so-long-how-did-they-ever-win San Antonio Spurs.

To celebrate this feat, there was only one thing Kobe Bryant could think of to do:

BANG A LAKER GIRL!!

Did he or didn't he? Who knows. All I know is that the lovely Vanessa Bryant is going to get another nice diamond surprise again. What will it be this time? Diamond earrings? Necklace?

Wilt Chamberlain, 10000 women?? Kobe Bryant's going for the record!

A Break Up Letter to My First Love…The NBA

Dear NBA,

I don’t exactly know how to say this. We’ve had so many amazing times with each other. I defended you against my friend’s so many times. When they told me to be with someone younger and more passionate (ie NCAA Basketball), I told them that I could never betray you. When you let yourself go a little and didn’t appear as sexy as you once were (ie any of the Spurs championship run), I still looked forward to seeing you every morning I woke up. So many moments you’ve provided me. From the great Lakers-Celtics wars where you first captured my heart, to the magical moments of the Chicago Bulls dynasty, life was truly bliss during these times. But now it has to be over.

Was it me? Have I been spoiled for so long that I’ve become completely jaded?... It can’t be since no longer than a year ago today I was telling everyone how amazing you were, and that we’ve had the absolute best time during the playoffs. Buzzer beaters during almost every game. The rise of the (future) King. A monumental upset (The Warriors). Game 6 Pistons-Cavalier. The transformation of Big Shot Bob to Cheap Shot Bob. Derek Fisher’s return in Game 2 during the Jazz Warriors series. It was one of the best summers of my life. But what you’ve done to me this year is unforgivable.

All you care about these days are your looks and image. Constantly trying to portray yourself in the most positive light. Right before the Playoffs began, I was ever so excited to see you. But up to this point, all I’ve come to expect are unworthy candidates to call themselves Champions and uninspiring games that can make even the most die hard fans turn the television. And I know you could sense this break up coming. Thus you are trying to manufacture and manipulate at all costs a way to go back to the good old times we shared. From preemptively scripting our first meeting with shady officially (A Lakers-Celtics match up) to jamming it down my throat that a certain fellow named Kobe Bryant is in actuality the reincarnation of Michael Jordan. I’ve grown tired. Somewhere along the lines you lost sight of what made you so grand. No longer is the game itself enough to sell your product. No longer will you allow incredible moments to be provided organically. It is too tough to love someone when it is all shrouded in lies. So as much as it pains me to say, we will have to go our separate ways.

Sincerely,
SimonstrummKimnguyen

From Around the Blogs:
Hillary Clinton supports the Pats [KSK]
The Pistons have a thing for game 5 [Empty the Bench]
Pat Burrell gets Onion'd [700 Level]

An LA Team Wins Because of a No Call? Surely You Jest

Well, well, well, that was a close one, wasn’t it? Yet strangely, it wasn’t supposed to be that close in the first place. When I saw the Lakers cruise to a 7 point lead with one minute left, I already had some post ideas in my mind, all oozing with sarcasm. What should I write about? Should I do a fictionalized monologue about how Manu totally stunk it up again? Or maybe just something insulting at San Antonio? So many ideas were brewing in my head.

But then I switched back to the game and a turn of events unfolded that almost left me dumbfounded. First Gasol misses the free throws, then Manu hits an amazing three (and I was about ready to trash the guy, figures). Just like that the Spurs were only down by 4. That’s when my interest level slightly raised up a bit, because 4 is still a bit of a deficit with only half a minute left.

Then there was the missed shot and the goaltending call in favor of Parker. Awesome. All of a sudden they were only down by 2, and I already had an article in mind about Phil Jackson totally losing it if the Spurs end up winning.

Fifteen seconds later, with only 2 seconds left on the clock, the set up was complete. The Spurs were in bound on to Barry. Shit, that’s kind of far. Fisher takes him, and Barry fakes. Fisher jumps up in the air and then….. completely elbows Barry in the head. No call?!?! WTF?!?! Barry shoots a miracle, and it falls flat. Game over.

TNT then replays the shot, and it does look like it is a clear foul. Talk about anti climactic.

This is outrageous, right? I mean c’mon, a team from Texas totally getting screwed because of a bad call while a team from LA benefits of it. Who has ever heard of something like that….?

Photo via Deadspin

(Told you something would be oozing with sarcasm)

Oh yeah, that’s right, Los Angeles cannot be defeated by normal means, which is code for rules. I mean to call a foul against LA would be ghastly. The supernatural powers that the city of Los Angeles has over referees have been brought up before. Yet, it seemed that this was only relevant to the college game, who knew it would spill over to the pro side of things? Guess so.

Then again, the foul was committed by D Fisher, who is the NBA’s darling, and the shot was made by Brent Barry. Who is the ref supposed to choose? A guy who has gone through so much with his daughter’s medical ailment, or Brent Barry, who’s um…. white, I guess. Yeah, not really a tough choice.

Plus, the ref on hand was Joey Crawford. I guess if you can’t physically beat up Tim Duncan, you can always beat him up mentally.

But now that that whole officiating fiasco is over, we can look forward to game five in Los Angeles, where it is assured that the Lakers will get away with murder. Literally. Yes, I really mean literally.

From Around the Blogs:
Coaches and corporate management [HR World]
Adroin behind backstop for the Dodgers [Absolute Dodgers]
ESPN addresses the Vanessa Bryant-Laura Lane standoff [Awful Announcing]

Take That Blogspot.Com, Kind Of

As you may notice, The Play in California has been changed from theplayinca.blogspot.com to www.theplayinca.com. No more will there be that annoying little blogspot tag in our url. We are official now baby!

You’re probably wondering why the change? What was wrong with that little blogspot thing in the address? Well the better question to as what is RIGHT with that little blogspot thing in the url? Um.. yeah, I don’t really have a good answer for that either, I was just trying to be dramatic.

In retrospect, our own domain really doesn’t do anything to the website artistically. You can keep expecting the same old great (and sometimes mildly crappy) articles you see daily at The Play in California, with the exception of Saturday and Sunday, which I call the “weekend” posts because no one seems to be on the internet on weekends (according to sitemeter) so at most we just put up a little blib (usually from SimonstrummKimnguyen) and disregard our around the blogs section. You can also expect even worse grammar than before (i.e. run ons). There may be a change in our template coming up in order to celebrate this domain, but that is still in progress, and by in progress I mean it probably won’t happen.

However, there are a few snazzy advantages to having your own domain. What are they you ask? Well (and these are real facts, not stupid jokes that we usually put on our “lists”):

Naming Rights: We have a logo, we have a slogan, we have a company name kind of. If we ever decide to take our earnings (a paltry 27 bucks a month) public, our domain let’s us feel secure.

Credibility: Now instead of being totally not credible, we are now slightly not credible.

E-mail: That’s right! Now you can officially contact us at mail@theplayinca.com. No more stupid gmail for us! Oh wait, we got our domain name from Google, so damnit, guess we do have gmail still.

Ease of URL: Wasn’t that blogspot thing annoying to type?

Well there you have it. Goodbye theplayinca.blogspot.com, hello www.theplayinca.com. Looks like we kind of just took it to the man! (Lame I know).

Tim Duncan Shares His Thoughts On Game 3

Hey Everyone,

Boy, yesterday sure was a great game. I mean I can't believe the Spurs finally came out on top of the Lakers. The feeling is good. Getting those rebounds, scoring those points, it felt very above average. In fact, I think I'm going to celebrate tonight by stepping out of the comfort zone and trying something new. First I'm going to start it off with a real treat that I only allow myself to eat once in a while. I mean I don't want to feel too much excitement everyday, but today is special:



Then after that I'm going to top it off with a real drink. Not boring water, no, I'm talking about a real man's drink:

I just hope I don't get too tipsy!

Even When They Are Dead, Your Children Will Hound You For Money

I'm not sure if anyone else will find this funny, but I thought it was hilarious. Happy Sunday! (In a morbid sense)

How Do You Like Your Ass Served? On A Platter or Handed To You?

Hello sirs and ladies, this is Lamar Odom. He is underrated yet somehow perceived as overrated. He had 12 rebounds yesterday and 20 points. He is a role player. Take notes on who he is. He is ready to prove you all wrong. That is all.

SJ Sharkie's Emo Offseason Adventures

NOTE: I tried to find the most depressing picture of SJ Sharkie, but the way he's designed, he's always smiling. Nuts. This is the best I could come up with.

Hello friends…

Well it’s been a while since you’ve heard from me huh? Let me assure you everything is fine. You’re old pal SJ Sharkie is one tough mascot. You think losing in the playoffs would phase this shark? Well you’re wrong… sigh….

Sorry about that kids. I have to admit that these last weeks have been tough. There are a few times when SJ Sharkie wanted to just beach himself and leave this world forever. There were even a few times when SJ Sharkie would circle around Chinese fishing hot spots just hoping that they would use SJ Sharkie for some shark fin soup. That series to the Stars was a true heart breaker. Yes indeed it was a bleak time for me.

But luckily, SJ Sharkie went and got some help. After a few weeks of therapy, lots of Prozac, and a few sessions of electro shock, SJ Sharkie is back to normal!

You hear that world? SJ Sharkie isn’t scared of you. He’s ready to take on any challenge you throw at him! Even if you throw a 4 OT time game that the Sharks lost… Even if I stayed glued to my TV for practically 5 hours… Even if… oh who am I kidding? I can’t do this anymore!

Someone just point me to a killer whale now… please!

Hold on fwend! I know the same pwain that yew’re going through. I went thwew it myswelf .. Bwaqccckack (inaudible, Donald Duck like noises)

…. What? Someone else understands my pain? Someone else can relate to me. The sun is brighter, the birds are singing....There is a God!

Stay tuned for the emo, off-season adventures of SJ Sharkie and Wildwing.

From Around the Blogs:
Charlie Weis is coming to get you, even if you aren't a hamburger [Awful Announcing]
A look into Mel Kiper's MySpace [Joe Sports Fan]
Willie Randolph thinks you're stupid [We Should Be GMs]

The Play In California Answers Reader E-Mails

Now I know what you’re thinking… people actually send e-mails to TPIC?!?! Yes, I know, this is a shocker indeed, and when I say e-mail I don’t mean spam or a request to help some king of a small African nation (though we do get a ton of those). Actually, this e-mail came from a trusty reader named Geoff:

After seeing your name come up a lot on Deadspin and reading your blog on TPIC often, I'm a little curious about your background. No, I'm not some creepy weirdo trying to get a phone number or address out of you, I just am very curious to how you formed your allegiances.

I am a current NorCal resident who has pretty much jumped on board all the local (East Bay) teams ever since I was a Freshman at Cal (i.e. Warriors, A's, Sharks). The funny thing is I grew up in Kansas City and had season tickets to the Chiefs for 15 years before entering Berkeley. I'm a little curious to how you became a Chiefs fan. I'm not calling you out or anything, but it's not too often you find a Cal/Chiefs/East Bay teams fan all wrapped into one (like me!).

So fill me in on your past and I look forward to hearing from you more on Deadspin and TPIC.

Cheers.

Wow, thanks Geoff! It really is nice once in a while to hear from readers who aren’t anonymous readers. Sometimes, when I see an anonymous comment, I fully brace myself for negative impact. This is a breath of fresh air though. I responded the email with a short hand explanation. However, I decided to elaborate on my alliances here in this post.

To start off, most of my childhood, and therefore developmental stages of sports interest, occurred in the late 80’s/early 90’s. Being a native to the bay, I naturally aligned myself with all of the local sports teams, particularly the East Bay. That meant the A’s, Sharks, and Warriors. I was also a fan of UCLA and Cal sports. The ironic thing is that as a Cal alumnus, I never knew that Cal was the same school as UC Berkeley until I went there. I remember in high school when I got accepted to Berkeley, I griped that “Berkeley has no sports teams.” That’s when a bunch of my friends, dumbfounded, looked at me and asked, “Uh, what about Cal?” They then pointed to a Cal hat that someone was wearing. My response “what about them?”

I also only liked the Sharks, and hockey in general mainly because of The Mighty Ducks. Kids have the worst choice in movies. I should know, because I did. To a 7 year old, The Mighty Ducks Trilogy was practically our Godfather Saga and watching Blank Check was like watching The Departed. I remember wasting many hours trying to perfect the Knuckle Puck only to wonder each time how the hell that guy did it in the movie. I was pretty stupid back then.

But back to the Chiefs.

In the late 80’s early 90’s, which I’ll call the Eighty Nineties, there were many stars in the NFL. There was Randall Cunningham, Phil Simms, Bo Jackson, even Jim McMahon. Yet all of these NFL some what super stars paled in comparison to the king: Joe Cool Montana. He was awesome. My dad is a Niners fan, thus he rooted for Joe Cool. I on the other hand, was just a fan of Joe Cool. I didn’t really care for the Niners. Back then, when I was five, I would pretty much choose my favorite NFL team by the coolness of their logos. And by coolness, I mean gayness. Thus, I was kind of a Dolphins fan, kind of a Patriots fan, and worst of all, kind of a Bucs fan. I mean how could a five year old not be attracted to these logos?


However, when it came to players, Joe Montana was my favorite. I don’t know why, but I just thought that the NFL QB was the most kick ass position in all of sports. In fact I still do. It must be neat to know that you can make a 300 pound lineman drown in tears after crushing his heart with a game winning last drive. It’s something that Alex Smith would like to experience once in his life.

Thus, when Joe Montana left the Niners to join the Chiefs, I followed him. I went from not so much a Niners fan, to a not so much Chiefs fan. Like I said though, those few years that Joe spent in KC were during my own development as a fan. When the day came for him to retire, my development was complete. I became a Chiefs fan.

That’s not me by the way.

So there you have it. Though I am pro CA in most sports, in football I am pro KC. Maybe in future episodes, we can learn how Ms. Auto became a Saints fan or how U12 became a Cowboys fan. Ace of Spades is a Niners fan and SimonstrummKimNguyen is just a fan of whoever he bets on, so no neat origin stories there.

Thanks again to reader Geoff for the e-mail. Hopefully, if we get more e-mails, I can make some more posts like this, because it was fun!

From Around the Blogs:
Championship League shootouts are rubbish [East Coast Bias]
Bill O' R loses it [I Dislike Your Favorite Team]
The Fall of Chad Johnson [Leave the Man Alone]

Checking In On LA's Other Hype Machine (No, Not The Clippers)

Lakers, Lakers, Lakers...Kobe, Kobe, Kobe....Yada yada yada. We all know the Lakers are good this year, and they have a good chance to bring back old memories by making a Lakers-Celtics NBA Finals matchup. All this NBA talk, we can't forget about our female athletes. I gotta give my lady ballers some love. Forget the Lakers for one second, what about the Sparks?!


When I talk about the Sparks, I'm only talking about Candace Parker. Lisa Leslie was the first female to dunk in WNBA history, whoopee doo. She also led the Sparks to the worst record in WNBA last season (10-24). Being pregnant will do that to you and your team. Congratulations, because you got the first pick in the draft, and what a pick you got.

In her WNBA debut, Candace Parker's numbers were: 34 points, 12 rebounds, 8 assists. Add in a couple steals and a block, all while playing the entire freakin' game minus 1 minute!! That is impressive, VERY impressive. Almost a triple double in her professional debut. WOW. And now, the Sparks are first in their conference, 1-0. It's only one game, but that's a big turnaround to tell people that your team went from worst in the league to best. Just don't tell them that the season's only 1 game deep.

On a sidenote, what's going on with our California native Candice Wiggins from Stanford. Playing for the Minnesota Lynx now, how did she do in her WNBA debut?


15 points, 4 rebounds, 2 assists, 4 steals in 29 minutes. Not bad, not bad. 2 of 6 from the 3-point line, she can work on that. Only 1 turnover though, so that's good to see for a guard. She didn't start, but being the #3 pick in the draft, I'm sure she's going to work her game out a bit and start soon for the Minnesota Lynx, who also won their first game, after tying the Sparks for the worst record last season.

These two girls played against each other in the NCAA Women's Tournament Finals just this past winter. Of course, Candace Parker's Tennessee Vols beat Candice Wiggins' Stanford Cardinal. We loved Wiggins back then, leading the Cardinal all the way to the finals just coming short. But now, we get to love Parker, since she's down in sunny LA!

What do we do now? Look forward to a rematch with a Sparks-Lynx conference finals matchup. That'll be fun, won't it? All those 3000 fans cheering like crazy in one lonely section of the arena. Man, what excitement! Maybe, Lisa Leslie will dunk a couple more times and make more history! O boy o boy!!

"WNBA: You're in the spotlight because there's nobody else in the arena to shine it on"

On another sidenote, guess what? I just made TPIC history!! I think this is our first EVER WNBA post!! Woot woot, I rock!! Put me on YouTube now!!

From Around the Blogs:
Man U vs Chelsea in the battle of the hottest WAGs [Sports Crackle Pop]
ESPN Fake Analyst Back To Sex Scam Game [Busted Coverage]
Jason Taylor Sacked In "Dancing With The Stars" Finale [Sports by Brooks]

Oh No, This Again?!

Those of you expecting a rant from Ms. Auto will be sourly disappointed with today’s post. To put it blunt, she’s pretty much has had it with the NBA. But then again so have I. I mean so after all those hard fought battles in the West, we’re stuck with this again:

Shit. It is true that past Spurs-Lakers showdown has given us many memorable plays, like Derek Fisher’s game winning shot with 0.4 seconds all the way back in 2004. Yeah, that was pretty sweet. Games like those are true classics…

…but man, let’s see someone else create some classics! The Hornets were really ready to shake things up in the West. I mean here’s a team that came out of obscurity. They had no MVP like Dallas. They had no 7 second offense like the Suns. They had no Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, or Ginobli. They didn’t even have a Kobe…or did they?


All I have to say is Chris Paul is the man. His effort was hard fought. Yet, now we’re stuck with this match up again. Great. Freakin’ Awesome. Maybe I should start putting on my Mark Madsen retro jersey, because I’ve seen this shit about a million times. Though, I admit it will be a good match up to watch (even if it is the Spurs), it’s nothing new, and when nothing is new, boredom and lack of interest will rise. Not that I was really ever that interested in the NBA playoffs anyway.

Oh well, the bright side is there’s still a playoffs, which mean that we can still make plenty of uneducated dick jokes. Yay!

From Around the Blogs:
Eli Manning sure loves Disneyland [KSK]
On Karma and Good Deeds [Strike Zones and End Zones]
Pete C does Jay Walking... meh [The Wizard of Odds]

The CA Heat is Making Me Lazy

2 days ago, I was supposed to write a post regarding Game 6's outcome of the Spurs/Hornets matchup.

Well damn, the boring-ass Spurs beat the Hornets. I'm a hater. I could say a lot of awfully mean, non-sports-related stuff. But I will just say this:

Boo.

I hate dirty players! Yeah, I'm talking to you Horry!

I write this post...a day before game 7. And in due time, I will be able to celebrate or be sad. And people, you won't hear from me for awhile if my team falls.

What will happen Monday? We can only wait and see. If things go accordingly, the Hornets should be able to maximize on home-court advantage and win. Most teams have been unable to win on the road, and I hope the Spurs get stomped on in New Orleans. It's a tricky post season though. The Lakers beat the Jazz in Utah. And the Pistons were able to beat the Magic in Orlando. It's unfortunate - the game can go either way.

I'm prepared for celebration or for the worst. I've cut back on drinking a lot. But the other day I managed to find my favorite beer at BevMo, and I promise that my alcoholism will pick up with either that win or loss Monday.



A TASTE OF HEAVEN

It's hermit-mode though.
And it's real hot. We Californians can't really focus enough to write a halfway decent post. Instead, we're all scrounging to find the nearest beach, lake, or rooftop to tan on at the expense of the quality of TPIC blogs.


Sorry folks. Stay tuned for an upcoming really really good post...I hope.

From Around the Blogs:
What to watch in the Big East [NE Patriots Draft]
Dan Morgan retires [Pro Football Talk]
Charlie Weis, a product of Spygate [Larry Brown Sports]

Hooray Lakers?

Yay?

So can we be considered Laker fans now?

A Blast From the Past

Today, Ms. Auto was going to write a post scorning the Spurs in their playoff victory. However, I do not know where that post went. Thus since it's Friday and I'm lazy, here's an article I did on the Bears Necessity a while back, just before the draft. Think of it as me being Mel Kiper with none of the research and not sporting the Mel Kiper pompadour. Enjoy!

When trying to come up with topics to write about the obvious one I could have picked was something about the NFL Draft. With many Cal prospects in the mix (DeSean, Lavelle, Stevens, to name a few), there’s much to cover. Hell, even Joe Ayoob might pop up out of no where and make a glorious comeback like Keanu Reeves did in the Replacements. Oh wait, I forgot. In order to make a glorious comeback, you have to obtain glory first. My bad.

Thus, in my first inaugural article, I’ll be analyzing each top potential draft pick from Cal as we head into the draft. Now, I know Avinash offers very serious analysis on this website. Don’t expect the same from me. My “expertise” basically comprises of what I read on ESPN and Sports Illustrated 5 minutes before writing this article, but hey, with that amount of research, I’m already a regular Peter King. Also, because I’m lazy and can only make dick jokes for so long, I’ll only be offering previews for four players, the three mentioned above and Andrew Larsen. Yeah, that’s right, Andrew Larsen. So, enjoy!

DeSean Jackson:

Out of all the players coming from Cal, the obvious one generating a lot of buzz is number 1 himself. He’s fast, agile, and can return punts with ease. Watching DeSean play the last few years as a punt returner has been pretty awesome. He has very Dante Hall like plays, causing defenders to miss tackles left and right. Watching him play as a receiver has been pretty ah-ight. Sure, he’s usually the go to man when Cal needs an air touchdown, but at the same time, his numbers haven’t been exactly mind blowing, and that’s only at the college level. He is a deep threat with his speed, but he’s also a liability with his size. Rivals.com lists him at 172 lbs. I know a lot of guys who are 172 lbs and in decent shape. I’m pretty sure they’d get post traumatic stress syndrome with one Ray Lewis crush, or stabbing. Hopefully DeSean’s conditioning will allow him to withstand it. DeSean has the chance to become the next Santana Moss or Dante Hall. Um, make of that as you will.

Who will probably draft him: Tennessee Titans, Philadelphia Eagles, Dallas Cowboys
Who will actually draft him: Detroit Lions

Lavelle Hawkins:

Lavelle Hawkins has spent a lot of his career playing second fiddle to DJ. He’s been a pretty reliable receiver and quick at shaking off coverage. He’s also the source of the most ridiculous college football chant in the world: the Hawk. The Hawk is basically when you put your arms in front of you and move them as if you had wings. Though this sounds cool, you actually end up looking like a guy with Parkinson’s trying to do the YMCA. His main downfall is his size, measuring up only to about a DeSean. You’ll probably see him fall to around to the 120’s.

Who will probably draft him: San Francisco 49ers, Houston Texans
Who will actually draft him: Detroit Lions

Craig Stevens:

Before the combine, Stevens wasn’t really a hot prospect. Then after the combine, his name shot up faster than a heroin addict going on tour with Motley Crue. People site him as a rare example of a tight end who can actually block, something loss with all these “tight ends” who are basically just receivers. People like Antonio Gates and Todd Heap. That seems kind of like a cheat for those guys to be called tight ends. It reminds me of when I was a kid and we played back yard football. There would always be a blocker who would pretend to block but then come out and be a receiver. When all of us where like “what the fuck man?” he would just respond that he was playing tight end. Lame. Don’t expect Stevens to pull any of that pussy shit around in the NFL. He’d be a valuable asset to a team loaded with short field receivers.

Who will probably draft him: New England Patriots, Minnesota Vikings
Who will actually draft him: Detroit Lions (Millen to front office : “He’s a receiver right?”)

Andrew Larsen:

Larsen is our punter. He can kick the ball real far. Teams who will need him have punters who cannot kick the ball as far as him. Yeah, that’s pretty much all you need to know.

Who will probably draft him: Tampa Bay Bucs
Who will actually draft him: Oakland Raiders, most likely utilizing an early pick. Al Davis will the comment on his own genius while hundreds of fans at the draft laugh out loud.

Well there you go. It's kind of fun looking back to see how my analysis actually worked it. I was pretty much wrong on everything. I guess I am just like Mel Kiper!

From Around the Blogs:
JJ Redick has potential to be an NBA Star [20 Second Timeout]
Tyson vs Kimbo Slice [Sportsaphile]
Baron Davis wants to stay in the bay [The Crossover: Baron Davis]

Put Me Back in the Bullpen, Barry Z Needs to Spend His Cash

Hey, I know I’ve been playing a little better lately, but don’t let that fool you. I just wanted to set up San Francisco for a major disappointment, one that will sting so bad that the Giants will have to put me back in the bullpen. I’ll play decent, giving you Giants fans a glimmer of hope concerning Captain Quirk. You’ll start thinking, hey maybe signing Barry wasn’t such a colossal failure. You may even make some signs for me saying stuff like “From Zito to Hero” or some clever shit like that. Then out of nowhere… BAM! I blow 10 runs in one inning. It’ll be awesome, superb! You’ll want me to stay on the bullpen for the rest of the season.

Ahhh, and that was Barry’s plan all along…suckers! A few weeks ago, when I heard I was heading to the bullpen, my mind literally exploded. Barry Zito is going to the bullpen? Fuck yes! Many pitchers would probably be disappointed with such an announcement, but not Barry Z. No no no. What other pitchers don’t realize is Barry Zito thinks differently. Other pitchers are idiots: why waste your time playing games and destroying your arm in the process? Why risk getting hit by a stray grounder?

Some people would think a pitcher in the MLB would be a bit more professional, you know have drive and integrity and spirit and whatever. Nope, not me. I don’t have time for that shit, you know why? Because spending 126 million dollars takes a long ass time, time I can’t afford to spend starting for the Giants. I mean if I go into the bullpen, I’ll have tons of time to do things other than baseball. What do I have on my agenda, you ask? Well for starters….

- I found this totally gnarly yoga studio down on North Beach. The instructor charges about one thousand bucks per lesson, but it’s totally worth it. A good yoga session is what I need in order to loosen up for a day in the bullpen.

- I heard they’ve been developing Guitar Hero IV. Well I, for about one hundred thousand buckaroos, can get an advanced copy of it before it comes out. Totally wicked! Guitar Hero is pretty sweet. I love playing The Allman Brothers’ Jessica while stoned. I also love listening to the Allman Brothers stoned. Hell, I even enjoy NOT listening to the Allman Brothers stoned. In fact, I’m stoned right now! Sweet huh? (You have any eye drops by the way?)

- Speaking of Guitars, I just bought this sweet new Ibanez SA yesterday. I was going to totally rock out with it on Monday, but guess what? They made me play. Fuckin’ shit man. Do you know how close I was to learning Eruption? Eddie Van Halen himself would have shat in his pants, and it’s not because of the brown sound. Hopefully the Giants won’t pull that kind of shit on me in the future, because I’m trying to learn November Rain. Maybe then I can ditch this baseball thing and fulfill my childhood dream of replacing Slash.

- I also used my money to hire NOFX to play non stop music in my garage. They’re in there right now as we speak. Maybe if I had more time to do shit I would be able to feed and smoke out with them more often. They’ve been starting to bitch at me the same way Alyssa Milano did.

Of course, I realize that blowing all this money could leave me penniless. Silly baseball fans. I may come off as a laid back stoner, but I can be a bit of a business man when I want to. I present to you my 5 million dollar investment… Planet Zito!

It’ll be just like Planet Hollywood except it will be filled only with pictures of me instead of pictures of Bruce Willis and our Governor. Plus it won’t suck.

Planet Zito is going to be the wave of the future when it comes to food, but remember, I need time in order to make this wish come true! So remember San Francisco, you may think that I’m playing pretty good the next few starts, but eventually I’ll screw you over to get sent to that sand covered heaven. My yoga depends on it.

From Around the Blogs:
In the NBA Playoffs, there's no place like home [Deadspin]
Worst of yesterday night in the NBA [Basketbawful]
Gary Bettman, stupid like a fox [Melt Your Face Off]

The Angels Are Way Better Than The Dodgers Because...

...Disneyland is AWESOME!!


*Sigh* Reminds me of good old Splash Mountain. How about the Dodgers?


Ye good olde Dodger Blue....recycling bin.


Angels fans....


Dodgers fans.

Cool gadgets...


The famous Dodger Dog...aka wrinkly weiner that doesn't fit on a bun. But I guess I can't bag the Dodgers too much, since they got this:


But also this:


Yay for pictures. Pictures are worth a thousand words, but so are numbers.

Angels: 24-17
Dodgers: 19-19

And back to pictures to finish it off:


in bright red: WORLD CHAMPIONS!

Sorry for the laziness, hence the pictures instead of words. Hope you read why the A's are better than the Giants!

From Around the Blogs
Hines Ward has no smirre [KSK]
Lo Duca, leave Washington, now! [Mr. Irrelevant]
The Dallas Stars say all the wrong things [Puck Daddy]

What's Up With USC and NCAA Violations?

As you probably have heard already, OJ Mayo is in trouble being accused of (and here comes the shocker) receiving thousands of dollars worth of gifts given to him by many sources, with one source in particular being LA event promoter Rodney Guilory. The “shocker” part of that sentence was supposed to convey sarcasm, which is hard to sell on the internet. Mayo reportedly received a flat screen TV, cell phone, clothes and other items. This makes me think that Mayo probably had one of the most badass dorm rooms in all of college history, with the exception of that kid who got to live with Tommy Lee during Lee’s stint as a reality TV star.

There were also reports that Mayo received payments from Northern California sports agency Bill Duffy Associates while promising to let BDA represent him in the future. Mayo obviously denies all these accounts, as it would lead to career suicide.

With all this bad news coming out of the woodwork against OJ Mayo, one has to wonder: what the hell is going on at USC? It seems these past few years USC has been marred with a lot of scandal:

- Mike Williams entering the draft his junior year only ending up not drafted to Court Order. Not really a scandal I suppose, but controversial nonetheless.

- Brandon Ting quits the football team due to steroid allegations.

- Reggie Bush pulls an OJ Mayo; is accused of taking money and violating NCAA violations.

- Lil’ Romeo is offered a spot on USC’s basketball team in order to lure in butt buddy Demar DeRozen to sign with USC. Seriously, this is a scandal. Romeo is above run of the mill at best and doesn’t deserve to play ball on USC. Didn’t Master P teach his son anything?

- The controversial recruiting video that came out a few days ago.

I’m sure there are many other examples as well. Yet the funny thing is no one seems to blame the school, as is the case for many other institutions that create troubled athletes.

If Miami is considered “Thug U” by college sports enthusiasts, surely USC can be considered their white collared cousin when it comes to scandal. You don’t see USC players spraying bullets and instigating fights on field, the crimes their players commit are a bit more upper brow. Taking money and NCAA violations don’t perpetuate violent crimes, but they still are crimes none the less. Oh, but then again there was this guy:

With all these violations and hand slaps coming to light, one has question the ethics concerning USC’s athletic program. All of these cases have come up in recent years, yet no one seems to bring up suspicion revolving USC athletics. In these cases, the blame lies purely on the athlete. Sports media seem to have a field day when schools like Miami screw up while USC’s crimes go unnoticed. The athletic board should to take some responsibility. It’s easy to blame player like OJ Mayo and Reggie Bush for taking such offers, but shouldn’t the school step in when they see their star athletes driving around brand new SUV’s and purchasing diamond played watches?

The story will be much clearer once the facts start piling up. Or not. Even today, I still don’t know what the hell went on with the Reggie Bush case. All I know is that somewhere along the road, Kim Kardashian and her sex tape aura entered Bush’s life. After that, I was totally distracted by her boobs and could care less about Bush’s NCAA violations.

Though I don’t want to watch USC go down in a burst of flames, I would like to see some flags being raised toward the way they’re running things because all of this stuff is just questionable.

From Around the Blogs:
Gloria James joins a group of elite sports moms [Epic Carnival]
No more Yoko Romo [Pop Crunch]
UC Riverside baseball has a tough schedule [Pub Wisdom]

After Those Wins, You Think I'm Going to Be Quiet? Hah!

Muhahahaha. Kobe Bryant, did I not try to warn you? Did the Great Andrei not tell you in front of a national audience how he was preparing to lay the beat down on you and your wimpy Lakers? I suppose you didn’t take my threats seriously. You probably thought that this crazy man from the mother land was just spewing non sensical venom. You probably thought I was just playing around. Well guess what, you were wrong bitch!

Look at Phil Jackson. He looks pretty mad. I would be mad too if I knew my team was getting demolished by the most perfect physical specimen known to man. Maybe one day I’ll let him drink my sweat, and then he can finally have a taste of perfection.

Oooooooh, how does it feel Kobe to finally play against a man who can block you twice in overtime? Enjoy that full palm sandwich I delivered to your shot? You want another hefty helping the next time we play? Well you can count on it. In fact, it’s not even on the Subway five dollar foot long menu. This one is on the house, courtesy of Kirilenko Catering. Next time you’ll get a taste of a slam-dunk-in-your-face special.

No one can stop me! Not even your pathetic Los Angeles celebrities. It was real cute for those kids from High School Musical to show up. Too bad next time I will have to slam a dunk in all of their faces as well. Andrei does not approve of all this dancing and happiness. I only approve of Cold Wars and authority.

Now that I have defeated you twice in a row, it is time to celebrate. Time to drink some White Russians (yes we drink that) and bask in the glory of victory. I expect Moscow to throw me a ticker tape parade soon.

From Around the Blogs:
The adventures of America's great douchebags [KSK]
So yeah, Jenn Sterger is famous because....? [Busted Coverage]
Grading the 2005 KC Chief Draft [Arrowhead Addict]

Now I'm Gonna Break You, Biatch!

You think I'm phased after that loss?? Hell nah. The only thing it did is made me angry! Nice little girly hissy fit you had Andrei. Now Kobe is gonna show you the true meaning of MVP: Most Viciously Pissed-off! Let's just say Sunday, Kobe is gonna rape someone, and I ain't talkin' about some crazy white girl from Denver. Nah. I'm talking about you, Utah. You have no chance... biatch!

On Blogging and Hearing From Nasty Nate

I wrote a an article over at Bears Necessity and decided to just put it on today's post. Lazy? Whatever.

Yesterday, Avinash wrote a trite and insightful piece on his take about the Bissinger-Deadspin controversy. It is true that sometimes we like to mock and joke on our favorite team when they’re down in the dirt just a little. Yet at the same time, I also ask the question: is that so bad? Lately, there has been a lot of scorn on sites like Deadspin and KSK, but KSK is quick to point out that they are a comedy site. Their gimmick revolves around the fact that they are mocking athletes. They state their purpose and get their posts out there for people to laugh at. That is all. The problem that these “credentialed writers” have with blogs is that they’re afraid that what is reported on blogs will replace the old medium. What writers don’t really seem to notice though is that there are a variety of blogs for different purposes, some comedy and some fact. You can’t just group them together in one giant pot and say they’re the same product.

I never really viewed Deadspin as a complete sports news site. When I first learned of them, I really thought they were more of a sports fused with comedy site, much like KSK. The only problem is their tag line of sports news with access, favor, or discretion. They should change that. I don’t see stats, I don’t see analysis, and I don’t see anything that would warrant them being an espn.com or sports.yahoo.com. The only problem is that people take them too seriously, as opposed to someone like me who doesn’t take them serious at all. If comments are filled with gay related jokes, how serious can they be?

Others will say that these comedy sports site are just mean spirited in the way they treat athletes. All I have to say is fact is fact. Humans have always been making fun of each other all the time, since be invention of media. What fun would it be if Carson, South Park, the Simpsons, or Conan didn’t have someone to mock on a daily basis? With humor comes parody, that’s just the way it works. Sports figures are just a little perturbed that now it has entered the sports realm, which is understandable because no one likes to be made fun of, especially ego centric athletes who would probably bite your ear off if you made fun of them to their face. Even you, as you read this post, you have the power to make fun of my shitty writing, for comedy sakes. Do as you want, it’s a free country.

I guess my final point would be this: everyone should just calm the fuck down and not take all of this shit too seriously. I mean c’mon, with all the people dying out in Myanmar, we’re really going to bitch about this? Let’s just relax, read some sports facts on real news websites and laugh along while we read the others.

And with that serious note, I leave you with this dramatization of Nate Longshore. Enjoy!

Hey Cal fans, it’s me your quarterback, Nate Longshore. Now I know you all have a few worries this upcoming season concerning all this quarterback controversy. Some people say I should start while other people say Riley should start. A lot of you pro Riley kiddos out there are probably wondering why I should even get consideration, seeing that I pretty much tanked during the second half of the season with my inconsistencies. Some people say I folded under pressure faster than an origami champion making cranes for a wedding. Well let me tell you something Cal fans, it was all on purpose.

I’m just thinking about my future here, okay? I mean if you look at the long term scheme of things, this is pretty much what I would be looking forward too had I decided to turn up the Nate factor all season instead of just the beginning. Say that after my 5-0 start, I went on and continued to “play for real” and led Cal to an awesome perfect season. Then we enter the National Championship Game and totally stomp on LSU or Ohio State or West Virginia. Haha, just fuckin’ with you. West Virginia in a championship game, oh Nate, where do you come up with these zingers?!

Anyway, we go on to win the championship game, then what? Well, I’d probably be a top prospect QB, rated way ahead that pretty boy Matt Ryan, and far past the guy after him. What’s his name? Joe Flacco? Isn’t that the name of Keanu Reeves character in the Replacements or something? What a freakin’ loser.


Basically, I’m a surefire number 1 pick, and guess who I get drafted by? The Miami Dolphins. Holy. Shit. Sending me to the Dolphins is like sending me to professional running for my life class. Immediately I get thrown into the wolves my first game, with no experience of course. Me playing against pro teams? The Dolphins are barely a pro team. If one of your teammates is prancing around Dancing with the Stars, then you know you’re in deep shit.

I’m pretty sure as a Dolphin, I wouldn’t know what the hell I’d be doing on the field. Hell, I’m sure most of the Dolphins still don’t know what the hell they’re doing on the field. Dave Wannestedt will do that to you.

My first game will pretty much end in a concussion. I’d be like Trent Green even before he became Trent Green. After that, the rest of my life would involve a lifetime migraine and asking the nurse where my daughter is. Not such a great future right?

That’s why I decided to stink it up last year, to lower my draft status and reap the benefits of playing for a playoff caliber team. It’d be awesome to get drafted by the Giants or Patriots. I’d be the heir apparent to Tom Brady. Hell look at Aaron Rodgers. He gets to be paid millions to relax, learn from Brett Favre, and hold a clipboard. Awesome. I tell you the warmest place in Green Bay is that bench in Lambeau. No sacks for me!

Thus, now that my draft stock is so low that even Tavita Pritchard is higher on Mel Kiper’s list than me, I’m ready to build up my stock this year. Get ready Cal, because Nasty Nate is ready to go into the first round this year for sure. You can practically smell that national championship, baby!

Kobe's a Square, Chris Paul Got It All

(Remember, Ms. Auto is a Hornets fan)

I'm appealing Kobe's MVP award. It's not that I hate the guy or I think he's undeserving, it's just that I really do think that Chris Paul should have gotten it.

vs.


The two guys are of the same caliber. Obviously Kobe has a lot more experience. He's been in the league, what...12 seasons? And Chris Paul, 3? WOW. Am I the only one to find it funny that it's taken Kobe 12 years to figure out how to be a team player? I'm sorry, but one successful season doesn't erase 11. But alas, we can blast Nick Cannon's Wild'n Out R.I.P. skit that joked Kobe's tombstone to say: "Here lies Kobe Bryant, he finally passed!"

Get it?
LMAO! HAHAHA.

Ok, the joking aside, maybe I'm just biased. I like my players to have personality. I've never met Kobe and who knows what he's really like. He's a great ball player, no doubt, but reputation and character are not the same. In my honest opinion, he seems like a square, with really bad taste in blazers.

And it's not like I love Chris Paul. I still don't know him. He has great ball handling skills and makes great assists. Come on, he's a beast. But unlike Kobe, Chris Paul seems to have personality!

In sports, we tend ignore what players are like off the court; in the end, we just want them to make our teams better and guarantee some team success. But dammit, I'm not going to worship an asshole. Yeah, for the most part they can all be assholes. But CP3 just seems cool. Come on, in a room with Chris Paul, Kobe Bryant, and Tim Duncan, who would you want to hang out with? The only non-square up in there--please give me CHRIS PAUL and let Kobe and Tim hang out at the bingo lounge!

Thanks, but no thanks Kobe, we don't want the Most Vain Player...we want the Most Valuable Player, and WE WANT CHRIS PAUL!

Keep reppin' your fans, Chris!
(But I guess he has 9 seasons to catch up and get MVP)

The A's Are Way Better Than The Giants Because...

.....elephants have magical powers.

Whatever you do to the A's, whichever player you take from the A's, whatever curse you try to put on the A's, they will ALWAYS be better than the Giants. Let's try and compare the two Bay Area teams.

First, let's look at it salary-wise:

Emil Brown, Jack Cust, Greg Smith, Dana Eveland, Curt Suzuki, and a whole bunch of Sandlot kids are keeping the A's fighting for the top of their division. The players I named above all make less than $1 million, except for Emil Brown. But the point is, who are these players?! Nobody knows, but they're winning. The A's roster on ESPN even says Greg Smith (2-1, 2.54 ERA, 31 K in 39.0 IP) is making $0. Zero, nada, NOTHING! And we all know ESPN can't be wrong.

The Giants are spending $14.5 million on a 0-7 Barry Zito, that's almost 1/3 of the entire A's salary!! Zito pitched fairly well coming back to the rotation, just 1 bad pitch giving up a 2-run dinger. 5 innings pitched, 5 Ks, that's like Christmas for Zito. However, he plays for the Giants, so he lost. With a $76 million salary, the Giants can't afford any offense.

Spending a measly $47 million on their roster (3rd lowest in MLB), the A's can afford rides like this:


OK, let's not talk about $$. Let's just talk about baseball players.

Players who play for the A's are awesomely good. These players get too expensive and get traded, but the new A's players are still good. Just look at Mark McGwire, Jose Canseco, Jason Giambi, Miguel Tejada, Dan Haren, Mark Mulder, Tim Hudson, Barry Zito, Nick Swisher... The list continues. Some of these players become horribly bad or injured only after they leave the A's, and weZ don'tZ needZ toZ mentionZ anyZ nameZ toZ knowZ whoZ.

The Giants, on the other hand, have weeeeeeeeeeeeak players who become good after they leave the Giants. Joe Nathan, Francisco Liriano, AJ Pierzynski, shall we say more?

Even retired players...Jose Canseco did steroids. He admit it. Now he's writing books about them and making money. He even let his house get foreclosed just because he doesn't need it, so why pay for it. Smart guy. Barry Bonds, still unsigned in the baseball season, is just chilling and making appearances in David Banner music videos (Get Like Me). Why?

The A's players play well, and they are extremely smart:

Two girls are better than one!

I don't have any more to say. If you didn't like this post, screw you. I'm a Giants fan, and I admit they suck. But I stick with my team, because I'm a true hardcore fan. If you read our blog, you know what that means. Heck, if you just read out posts this past week, you know what I mean.

It's alright though. The A's have been in Oakland for 40 years. They have 3 (sorry, 4!) championships. The Giants have been in San Francisco for 50 years. They have none. I can wait. I still have a whole life to live.

Come back next time to see why the Angels are way better than the Dodgers, and why the Padres are crying for their madres.

Peace.

From Around the Blogs:
Rules of Wearing Clothes and Sporting Teams [Apples and Moustaches]
Headless mascots = awesome [Deadspin]
Dwight Howard is that good [Empty the Bench]

Kobe Bryant, I Must Break You!

Dah, Kobe Bryant! How dare you make a fool of me and my comrades in game one! You and your pathetic democratic friends will be nothing tonight. Andrei Kirilenko does not stand for such foolishness. You are weak, useless!

That is why I have been training non stop so that the Utah Jazz will rise up in a blaze of glory. We will beat you handily, then pour Vodka on your defeated bodies as you leave the Staples Center broken and cold. Nothing can stop me! Not even the KGB can get in my way!

How do I plan to train you ask? It’s quite simple. Four words: Rocky IV Training Montage. Do you remember when Drago had those electrodes plugged into him while he was punching pressure intensive bags and pumping up steroids? That will be me! I will be destroying gym bags! I will be getting measured by scientists while Brigitte Nielsen circa 1985 looks on with a cold yet sexy stare! I will be getting hgh, androsterone, and horse tranquillisers pumped into my bloodstream. I will be the one who fights Rocky into the end, only to turn my back on my commie friends. Me! Don’t you understand my master plan?? Muhahahahaha.

I have been studying my Russian stereotypes quite well so that I can bask in the glory of your defeat. Not only will I train like Drago in Rocky IV, but I will also make enemies with British spies, Americans, and will serve as the primary villain for 24, season 7. Then I will proceed to hunt down Denzel Washington after Ethan Hawke turns him in for being a dirty cop. Lastly, I will adorn my body with mafia tattoos and fight people naked. Why? Because I’m one angry European who’s ready to unleash the power of ignorant Russian fictionalizations all over the Laker organization! And I didn’t forget about wrestling bears and mastering the spinning pile driver.

As a Russian, I am obligated to say this: I MUST BREAK YOU KOBE BRYANT!!!!


Damn Andrei, you need to calm down. It was only game one.

Deron! You know nothing! I must break you too! Now leave me be while I continue my training.

Cue “The Final Countdown”.



From Around the Blogs:
Dana Jacobson has all of a sudden become the leader of moral authority [Awful Announcing]
Redskins cheerleaders not welcome in India [Busted Coverage]
Storylines concerning the Red Wings - Stars matchip [Battle of California]

Homage to Elite Fans

Reading the article posted a week ago about fair-weather fans and the several comments posted has inspired me to write this. Ok, so here is the thing. I do not claim to know what it is to be a true fan. But I do think there is a common etiquette when it comes to being a fan. Ie Think of it as unwritten rule if you ever decide to enter such a world. I mean, when you enter a place that sells Gelato, it is pretty common knowledge to take two free samples, three at most. Or if you are walking around your house at the middle of the night…tip toe. It is just something I ALWAYS thought was fairly easy to follow when being a sports fan…ROOT FOR ONE CITY when picking teams for better or for worse. It is not rocket science. Obviously there are addendums to such a rule like rooting for a team you were born from. But having what I like to call the Billy Crystal syndrome is not cool. His apparent love for both the New York Yankees and Los Angeles Clippers are unparallel.

Think of being a fan as being in a marriage. Don’t sleep with other people! Simplest example: If you are a Boston Redsox Fan, don’t root for the Yankees. Is that hard? If you are a Los Angeles Laker fan, how do you have any business rooting for the Green Bay Packers? What ties do you have at all with such a team? Yes their jerseys are quite nice, and Bret Favre (who is fake pretending retirement) is quite the model athlete, but are those your only reasons for rooting for them. Rooting for the Los Angeles Lakers, New York Giants, Boston Redsox, and Kansas might be quite fun but do not approach “true” fans of the sport and state your case for why Kobe Bryant is so amazing. Or how you knew Eli Manning is a better player than Tom Brady. Or tell me how monster like a season Manny Ramirez will have in his contract year. Bitter am I? Of course. I toil along loyally to the Dodgers and Seattle Supersonics (where I was born). I think the college fan structure is still the only pure structure possible. Simple: If you went to UCLA, root for the UCLA basketball, football, lacrosse and whatever other sport that is Bruin-oriented. But I doubt such fans will be ok with you rooting for the UCLA b-ball team, and then loving Trojan Football. Thus if you would like to post how elitist such comments might be. Go ahead. Yes, Hi…I am an elitist sports fan. I like to root for the teams in my city or go to college to no matter their amount of championship banners.

And surely make this for better or (and most importantly) for worse. Being a fan is not like being devoted to a particular genre of music. You are not ostracized for your lack of knowledge. For the type of clothing you have when you attend a sporting event. I think the rules of being a sports fan is VERY easy. You don’t have to attend every home game to follow this rule. You don’t have to be able to recite every lottery pick up possible. You don’t even have to be able to name everyone on the roster (much less the starting line up). All you have to do is…wait for it…wait for it… root for the team you live in or were born from for better or for worse.

Is that so difficult? Think of being a fan as a marriage. There are unwritten rules when you are married that everyone follows. Ie you won’t sleep with someone else just because they happen to be a little bit more appealing at the time.

From Around the Blogs:
Athletes in Chicago....beware! [The Sports Point]
Joey Chestnut loves his asparagus [Joey Chestnut]
8th graders playing in Kentucky? What? [Sports Agent Blog]

Boo-urns! (But It's Okay)

"Next year..."

You probably have heard the news, but the Sharks’ season is over. It may seem that the Sharks left the playoffs with disappointment, but I digress. Sure the series with the Flames was a tough one to swallow, considering it was supposed to be “easy,” but in reality, it just sent the message that the playoffs in general will be no walk in the park. Nonetheless, kudos to San Jose for staying until the bitter end. It was a pretty amazing game, can’t beat 4 OT’s. Plus, a lot of people would have counted them out after going down three games. Even if you lose, the best way to go down is with a fight, so good job.

Regardless, you’re probably going to hear something ridiculous from this guy on this blog soon.

The Final Countdown?

Can San Jose pull a John Elway, Boston Red Sox like comeback??

Hopefully there won't be any "huge mistakes."

A Filler Post For Saturday

Football season is still a long way away. I’ve gotten so desperate for football that I actually considered renting The Program just to get my fix. That’s a bad thing, a very bad thing. What few boring next months it will be!

Yet in retrospect, summer isn’t really for football. I mean it would suck for USC to have to travel to Arizona State and play in earth scorching 115 degree weather. Instead, summer is the time for many things. BBQ’s, beaches, um…. Baseball? Oh baseball, I would rather see sap harden on trees. Maybe I can lure a mosquito to suck some blood out of me then have it harden on the trees. Then, many years later, some wacky scientist can build a theme park based on my clones. That’d be awesome.

Summer is also apparently for hockey in the Bay Area, because yesterday the Sharks won in overtime. Yay! Let’s see if they can pull a miracle (or not).

Other than that though, it will indeed be a slow next few months for football fans. There is one thing I’m super stoked about this summer though. This:

I hope this movie is awesome, because the trailer looks great. We’ll see!

Laker Fans Who Are Band Wagons and the Art of Being Truly Dedicated

"So.... who's a fan here?"

The other day, I had a conversation with my friend regarding the fans of the Lakers. I’m from Northern California, making me not too familiar to the fan base of the Lakers. He’s from Los Angeles, thus he’s quite familiar with them. He also knows if anything, many Laker fans aren’t that hardcore as they present themselves.

One particular example comes from this guy we know. He’s the type of guy who pretty much follows anything that’s “in” right now in sports. If the Red Sox are doing great, he’ll like them. Kansas is playing in the national championship? He’ll be their biggest fan. Thus, since this guy is from LA, he’s pretty much off the wall now that the Lakers are making a championship run. Basically, he’s the biggest bandwagon we know.

He doesn’t know much about the Lakers. Sure he knows Kobe and Gasol, maybe even Bynum, but that’s it. The scope of his knowledge only extends to what he sees on Sportscenter perhaps once every two weeks. He’s not what I consider a real fan of the Lakers, nor a real fan of sports. The bad thing is many Laker fans are like, though he is probably an exaggerated version. These people wear their Kobe jerseys all post season and talk about how great Kobe is, but where were they during the season? Where were they last year when the Suns crushed them? Can any of them really say they are hardcore fans of the Lakers?

I can’t really say that I can, but then again, I never claimed to be. I can even admit that concerning the NBA in general, I am a fair weather fan at most. Sure, I follow up on what’s going on and read the news going in the NBA, but that’s only because I am a fan of sports in general. I’ll keep up with what’s going on, but my passion does not lie with the NBA. I reserve that for the NFL and college basketball, as you may notice that many of the entries hear on TPIC feature those sports. It’s the reason I mock these sports so much, because I feel I can back up the convictions I dish out.

If you ask me about my Kansas City Chiefs, I could name a lot of facts off the top of my head. I could also tell you about how great their draft was this year, about how Glenn Dorsey will be a great addition to an ailing defensive line and why Brodie Croyle is going to have a tough time at QB, meaning we should just stick to the run. I could also tell you that realistically, I know the Chiefs aren’t going to be in the Super Bowl, but I’ll watch them anyway. I’m not the type of “Laker”-like fan who will talk about a superstar like Larry Johnson, and that’s all I’ll rant on about. I’m not like those people.

"This is a picture of my room. Just kidding, heh, heh..."

Also, “those people” would never come across this blog. If you are person who happened to stumble to this blog by way of Yardbarker or Ballhype, then I commend you because you are probably a true fan of the Lakers. For you to actually spend your time to go to listings and opinions about the Lakers on websites geared only to hardcore fans is very admirable, and shows the true dedication that you have. However, you fine citizens are far and few and pale in comparison to the people who get sucked into the celebrity appeal that the Lakers offer. While you guys search every scrim of the internet to find readings about your favorite team, those “others” probably only glance at the Lakers once in a while on ESPN.com.

This also doesn’t only pertain to the Lakers. As you may know, the Sharks are also clutching for dear life in the playoffs. Being from San Jose, I can tell you right now that the only team that matters right now in San Jo are the Sharks. A lot of my friends all displayed their disappointment when the Sharks began to fall into a 3-0 hole. A lot of my friends also displayed their exuberance when the Sharks won on Wednesday. Yet, where were all these emotions in the regular season? Oh, that’s right they didn’t exist.

That kind of leads to the bigger question of who can you really call a fan? Is it someone who just likes the team, yet has little knowledge about them? Can someone who roots for the home team yet doesn’t watch any games until the playoffs be considered a fan? How about someone who watches a few games but doesn’t watch every game as if it matters? Can that person be a fan?

Though I would like to be the nice guy and say yes, my ultimate answer is no. A person similar to the one described above is not a fan. He or she is an admirer of the team, and probably feels happy when they win, maybe a little bummed when they don’t. There’s nothing wrong with that really. I never stated it was a bad thing. It doesn’t bother me one bit. What does bother me is that sometimes these people parade around and act like they are the biggest super fan in the world. They act like they’ve been living and dying on every action their team has made, especially come post season. “I’m loving the Lakers! Kobe is the best! I’m such a huge fan of the Lakers right now!” Yeah, you’re a huge fan of the Lakers RIGHT NOW, but you’re not a huge fan. Sit down, son.

Hell, I’m pretty sure my roommate, an avid fan of the Magic, probably knows more about the Lakers than these posers. That’s because, like me, he is just a fan of sports in general. His knowledge arises from the passion of the game, not because rooting for the Lakers or Sharks is the cool thing to do right now.

Take even the Warriors. During their magical run last year in the playoffs, people had their We Believe shirts on. A lot of people thought this was great, but I kind of just thought “if they were real fans, they would always believe.”

The problem is that all these fans are new to the game. Don’t get me wrong, of course it’s great to have new fans, but it’s not great to have new fans that are unintelligent and ultimately undedicated to watching the team. If you’re a new fan then you have to be dedicated. If you started liking the Lakers now, I better see this dedication throughout all of the 2008-2009 season. I don’t want to see it all magically vanish only to resurface when the 2009 playoffs are around.

I guess to bring it to an even larger scope, every thing will have their fair weather people. There are people who eat a Vegan diet, even though they don’t believe in the values of Vegans. Some people are Buddhists and don’t know why. Some people are sadly voting (or also sadly not voting) for Hilary because she is a woman, not because they are informed about her platform. In the end everything will have their posers. What can you do, right?

It’s just that perhaps I hold the sporting world very sacred to me, something I’ve followed since I was a kid, and it’s just a shame when you see “that guy” claiming to have as much dedication as me. There’s no loyalty his fanship, just loud talk with no substance. Thus, I would like to conclude this somewhat serious post with this proposal: next time you see “that guy” talking about how much he’s lovin’ the Lakers or any other team, call him out on it and grill him. Or just punch him in the face. Whatever floats your boat.

From Around the Blogs:
How's Cal doing this spring? [Golden Blogs]
How bad is UCLA's offense after losing their QB's? [Gutty Little Bruins]
Chris Loften beat cancer while still playing. Amazing. [ESPN]

Say it Ain't So! Cal B-Ball Stud, Thomas Fang, to GO??

(written by Ms. Auto)

I'm an avid Cal bball fan, and to some, that doesn't make sense. Well people, I'm not easy to make sense of.

But anyhow, with Mike Montgomery being one of few recruits into the Cal bball program (may I add, probably the best recruit...EVER!), I was looking forward to this upcoming season.


Yessir, we've got the same team, minus Devon Hardin. And maybe Ryan Anderson. Anderson is entering the draft but will probably pull out when he realizes his chances of NBA success (this year) are slim. The smart decision is to stay an extra year with Cal. Anderson's a solid college ball player. And a year with good ol' Monty coaching can only benefit him.

But enough of that, Ryan Anderson isn't the stud I'm worried about. In fact, I'm sad to say that to my utter surprise, I hear Thomas Fang might have left the team!

Thomas Fang, who the hell is he, you ask?
http://calbears.cstv.com/sports/m-baskbl/mtt/fang_thomas00.html
He's only the man I see in my dreams, each and every night!

On a serious note, I am sad to see him go. Because I'll miss his bball skills? Probably not. I actually didn't see him play much. And it's ok. But my love for Fang goes deeper than him being a bball stud. Sure we jested about him once on this blog, but in fact, I love him because he didn't play much. Indeed, Thomas Fang actually represented all the underdogs. In our hearts, you are the guy we want to see succeed. And we're behind you all the way!

(P.S. This movie is probably one of the greatest ever created!)

Fang, I really hope you haven't left the team. You were more than a bball player. You were your peers' MVP. EECS students probably followed Cal basketball after seeing you wear a CAL embroidered backpack with a tag labeled "Fang: #12". They probably said to themselves, 'WOW, dude's got some Cal bball shorts and is an electrical engineering major? UN-FUCKIN-BELIEVABLE! He's one of us! Go on with your bad self and represent!"


And Fang, you probably have the prettiest girlfriend (who's probably the only girl) in the Electrical Engineering and Computer Science department, but it's ok!

It's just sad if the case is true, that you really have left. And if so, all I can say is that "We'll miss you dearly."

GO THOMAS FANG!

p.s. Who's excited to see Max Zhang (the 7'2'' guy) play??

From Around the Blogs:
Padres end the month how they started [Left Coast Bias]
Chiefs huge in the draft [Gonners View]
Fantasy baseball wrapup [The Sports Flow]