Derrick Low Proves Asian Americans Can Ball It Up, Cal's Thomas Fang.... Not So Much

"Any athletes in the house?"

As you may or may not know, yesterday Cal got a semi pounding at the hands of the Washington State Cougars. This has more or less eliminated them from NCAA tournament contention unless, barring a miracle, they win out against Washington, the LA schools, and make a decent run in the Pac-10 tournament.

That said, the person who did all the burying yesterday was one Derrick Low of the Cougars.

You’ve probably heard of the man by now. He’s the star point guard for the Cougars, which isn’t probably anything noteworthy to make him stand out. The thing that does make him stand out is the fact that he’s an Asian American.

In the world of sports, finding a good Asian American is hard to come by. Sure there some Asian Americans are tennis players and golf players. And I’m sure that ninety percent of all badminton players have relatives that hail somewhere from Asia, but fuck that, those are pussy sports. If you’re looking at football, baseball, basketball, and even hockey, you’re probably out of luck.

You're probably wondering, what about Yao Ming?

He's obviously Asian American. Well, technically, Yao is only Asian, seeing that he was born in China. We're talking about home grown Asian kids, so Yao's out of the picture. Same thing with Yi Jianlian, Ichiro, and Dice-K. There’s also Wang Zhizhi, but he sucks, so fuck that guy.

The one diamond in the rough is Hines Ward.

He’s half African American, half Asian, which is good enough for Asians to count him as an Asian American athlete. Unfortunately, he’s probably one of the few active star players I could list off the top of my head who is in fact Asian American. Being that, he’s often subjected to hilarious KSK impressions, which are funny, but kind of sucks because he’s the only person they can do a satirical racist Asian stereotype on. Maybe if Dat Nguyen was in the mix, there would be more material to work with, which would be awesome.

Derrick Low is probably the shining beacon when it comes to Asian American ballers, and for that fact, I say good for him! Finally an Asian American comes along who actually has skills to lead his team through the season. When I fist heard of Derrick Low’s existence, I kind of thought, “oh, he’s probably just a garbage time player.” That’s until I saw him play and thought, “he’s all right after all.” Sadly, he probably won’t get drafted, but it’s still cool. He’ll still have hookups to every single Asian owned facility in all of the Washington area. That means lots of good food and lots of pirated electronics.

Derrick Low isn’t the only Asian American basketball player to make waves in the Pac-10 though. Enter Thomas Fang:

I definitely know you haven’t heard of this guy. Fang is a walk on player for Cal, hailing from San Jose. He pretty much is relegated to the bench most of every game because, well um, he’s no Derrick Low. Sadly, on his career bio page, his only highlight is making a 3-pointer against Arizona. They even had to add to the futility by saying that these were his only points of the season. A travesty indeed.

Fang does have a large fan base at Cal though because everyone there is practically Asian. Screams are heard around the world when Fang is on the court, and that isn't often.

Perhaps by seeing Derrick Low manhandle Cal, Fang will have his own aspirations to be a star Asian American basketball player. He’ll train and train and train until Ben Braun sees the potential and puts the kid in. Then he’ll probably fail miserably because, you know, he’s Asian American and trying to play college basketball. Yay. The only positive that would come from this situation is that it would point out what a shitty coach Ben Braun is and that he should be fired immediately. Actually, that’s not a bad idea!

So Asian Americans, as the tournament begins, let’s cheer our fellow Asian comrade Derrick Low (in a totally non Commie way). Hell, let’s cheer for Thomas Fang too, because at least we’ll get a new coach out of that deal.

UPDATE: Storming the Floor's Eric Angevine has informed us of two, count them two, fellow Asian college ballers. Though they aren't homegrown, they're still representin'!

From Around the Blogs:

Cheaty McCheater a member of the LBGT community? [Lions in Oil]

Bobby Knight gets hired by ESPN, PCC braces for impact [SVP Style]

Bottle thrown at USC game, Ron Artest nowhere to be found [College Hoops Journal]

The Clemens - Pettitte Lovefest Pitcher Preview: LA Dodgers

The injury-plagued starters of last year are gone. The hopeful Los Angeles Dodgers look to rebound this season with a much steadier core of starters.

Forget about the 2387425 different starters the Dodgers used last year, with half of them getting injured and half just sucked(Randy Wolf, David Wells, Brett Tomko, Mark Hendrickson, Jason Schmidt, Brad Penny, Derek Lowe.......the list goes on). Luckily, this will be a new year and the Dodgers hope that their aces will continue to be aces, their aces of yesteryear will once again be aces, and their aces of tomorrowland will live up to expectations.

Brad Penny, Derek Lowe, Chad Billingsley, Hiroki Kuroda, Esteban Loaiza, Jason Schmidt

If I can count correctly, I believe that there are 6 people up there, and normally starting rotations are 5. But that's how good and deep the Dodgers will be if they can all stay healthy and pitch like they're supposed to. Led by Penny, the big, strong, powerful, and dominant ace of the staff who pitched through a lower ab injury and still finished with a 16-4 record--back to back 16-win seasons. Talk about consistency. Now, Lowe had a sub-par season with a 12-14 record. Look for him to rebound to the ace he once was without injuries. Billingsley, the X-factor, filled Jason Schmidt's role wonderfully last season, going 12-5. He's still young, so it's scary to think of the pitcher he will become in the next couple of years. Kuroda better live up to expectations, getting paid $35.3 million to be a 4th starter. Not much to say, we just have to wait and see. Loaiza and Schmidt are both worthy of a 5th spot, if they remain healthy and pitch like they're supposed to. Think about it, a guy like Loaiza and Schmidt fighting for the last spot of your starting rotation; that must say something about it.


Note to Hiroki Kuroda:
No pressure, because you have a pal in closer Takashi Saito, who filled in perfectly after the departure of Eric Gagne. However, hopefully you will not stink it up like your old pal Kazuhisa Ishii, who is now back in Japan after 4 years in the MLB. Saito followed Gagne's footsteps, but that doesn't mean you should follow Ishii's.

P.S. Remember good ol' Chan Ho Park, who started his career with the Dodgers? Well, he's back where it all started to try and revive his 13-year career. Now, Chan Ho, you're here to pitch a baseball in a baseball park. That is why you're Chan Ho Park. So don't do any more of your Chan Ho Karate Kicks.

From Around the Blogs:
Hey government, why not just burn out money? [Cousins of Ron Mexico]
Scouting combine scouting [Mondesi's House]
Why Pavano will miss the season [Sports Hernia]

Farewell Mike Bibby Poem

Back in the day, on the local Sacramento channel, the pre-game intro song was this:

Are you ready to stand and shout and scream?
Are you ready?
Are you ready to scream and shout for your team?
Are you ready?
(repeat 2x)

But that song has been replaced with lights and other stuff. And like the song, the Kings players have been ever changing and replaced. Man, I feel like the new Kings team is like another season of Flavor of Love. Who now will we be introduced to??

"yeah boy!!"

February 16th marked the day that Mike Bibby got traded to Atlanta. In exchange, the Kings got Tyronn Lue, Anthony Johnson, Shelden Williams, Lorenzen Wright, and a 2nd round draft pick.

I know the Kings have been moving downhill, I mean, at our peak, we were in the Western Conference Finals in 2002. We always got close, but we were just never good enough to win. No matter our record, I really do think the Kings are solid. The coach, maybe not. I say, let's give the job to a man who can guarantee wins. Ben Braun, where are you? (Go California Bears, by the way). Anyhow, Mike Bibby was the last remaining original player of the 2002 squad still left on the team.

But alas, earlier this month the Maloofs had to revamp the team and let Bibby go. Fresh beginnings, I suppose.


Mike Bibby—I never got to say goodbye, so here’s my bittersweet poem to you….

You left Sacramento 2 days after Valentine’s
And how now will the Kings shine?
We were sad b/c we let go of J-Will,
But you came along, and your game was ILL
Former Pac-10 player of the year,
You introduced Sacramento to happy tears.
We rallied at Arco Arena to watch you and C-Webb,
Only to see other teams win instead
Alright, we never could get to the finals,
But we loved how the Lakers were our rivals...
It’s ok that the Kings could never follow through,
That was a lot of pressure we put on you,
We couldn’t really expect our Kings to be the best,
Not with guys off promoting their albums like Ron Artest..
But nonetheless, we love you with all our heart
It hurts to see this end, but you need your new start
Mike Bibby, you’re like an ex-bf and you have to know
Here’s our official goodbye, I’m sad to let go
Enjoy tearing it up in Atlanta with the Hawks
But don’t forget that we’ll love you nonstop….


Sorry, sometimes a blog needs a sappy post.
And being the female blogger on the team, I deliver!

From Around the Blogs:
White people make us laugh because they look so damn ridiculous [Throwing Into Traffic]
Heisley on Gasol [3 Shades of Blue]
The not so live NHL trade deadline blog [Battle of California]

The Obligatory Hockey Post

"Uh-Oh"

So it’s been a while since we have made a hockey post, and we don’t want to lose our valuable hockey contacts, so here is an article on the ice for all you puck heads. By the way, using the word obligatory is no way offensive. In fact, take it as a compliment because that means we realize that hockey is so popular that we’re willing to make posts about it even when we probably know nothing about the sport. All I know is that the Mighty Duck movie series was based on this sport, and that was an awesome movie. Oh yeah, and the fights are cool too.

Anyway, the NHL trade deadline ends today. Unfortunately, a lot of the teams in California had their trade thunder stolen away by the big exchanges that went on in the NBA. How can hockey players compete with Gasol and Shaq, really? That doesn’t mean that shit didn’t go down though. To review, here is what went down since the beginning of the 2008 year:

Sharks trade “future consideration” for Jody Shelley:

Sharks trade 2009 sixth round draft pick for J.D. Forrest:

Ducks trade Matt Keith for Darryl Bootland:

Ducks trade Shane Hnidy and a 2008 sixth round pick for Brandon Bochenski:



Um, cool. I don’t really know what all this means, but it sounds good, right? And what the hell does future consideration mean? Is that like an IOU, but for hockey? God we need an NHL writer in our blog, because me covering hockey stuff is like letting Ryan Seacrest host a Super Bowl pre-show. Damnit, that really happened.

From Around the Blogs:

Hines Ward meets South Korea [KSK]

Analyzing Maria Sharapova and her man grunts [Gossip On Sports]

Fuck you Tony Kornheiser [DC Sports Bog]

Andy Roddick Proves He Can Still Win Not So Important Tennis Titles

"I'm the king of not sucking!"

After Andy Roddick aced his 130 mph fastball down the middle, the game was over. Roddick, with his blazing serve and volley style had won the SAP open. Roddick had finally done something that was a true accomplishment in his young career; he won another somewhat mediocre tennis title. The fans in the crowd were ecstatic, because you know; all the biggest hardcore tennis fans are from San Jose with them being Silicon Valley yuppies and what not.

Roddick defeated Radek Stepanek in the finals of the SAP open in San Jose, CA on Sunday. Even though Roddick has been the staple of American Tennis in the past years, Stepanek was becoming a fan favorite in San Jose because of his crowd friendliness. Throughout the week he displayed his charisma and topped it off by entering the match in a San Jose Sharks jersey. This won the fans over because if there’s anything that Americans love more, it’s hilarious people with foreign accents who try to fit in with American culture.

Unfortunately for Stepanek, he and his fans were soundly crushed by Roddick and his man serves. Roddick beat Stepanek 6-4, 7-5.

“It feels awesome to finally win a third-tier title. It’s a true accomplishment,” Roddick said.

When asked if he was going to step up his game to prepare for the French Open, Roddick responded that he was seemingly ready to take the challenge.

“Of course. I’m really looking forward to it. I’m going to train hard so that I can make it to the finals and lose to Roger Federer. It’s what I look forward to during every Grand Slam tournament.”

After the match was over, Roddick pumped his fist in the air and proceeded to provide the crowd with another mind blowing feat, he copied signature Michael Jackson dance moves as he kicked his leg in the air and twisted his body with Matrix like movements.

This was in response to Stepanek’s own post game dance routine “The Worm” in which Stepanek copied his idol, Scotty 2 Hotty of the WWE.

Roddick was truly imitating his non-tennis idol. No word yet on whether he invited any boys over to his hotel after the game for an innocent “sleepover.”

The Clemens - Pettitte Lovefest Pitcher Preview: Oakland Athletics

The always-rebuilding-yet-somehow-always-finds-a-way-to-compete Oakland Athletics.

Once again, the A's are rebuilding this year. Last season was a not-so-good season for the A's, but if history repeats itself and they always do for the A's, they will be able to obtain some good pitching from its farm system, find 1 or 2 surprising position players who has breakout years, and find themselves in contention again. With no money to pay for top-tier players, this system is the only one that works for the A's, thus trading away All-Star ace Dan Haren this winter, with trade talks still going on about Joe Blanton. Plus, are they moving or not? Are they going to be the Fremont A's? Yay or nay?

Joe Blanton, Rich Harden, Chad Gaudin, Justin Duchscherer, Lenny DiNardo

If he's not traded before the season starts, the A's will be led by the young and promising Blanton. He's part of numerous trade talks, so he must be good. He's underrated, but he's consistent, pitching 230 innings last year. And guess what? He's only 27 years old, still got years to go. Now, the rocket-throwing Harden has been battling injuries the past 3 seasons. He needs to stay healthy to prove himself again. Gaudin and Duchscherer both had hip surgeries last season, with Gaudin adding in a foot surgery on the same day as well. Stay healthy, they'll be fine. Plus, Duchscherer is the guy to look out for. He joined the A's wanting to start, but with their Big Four already there, he went to the bullpen. Now, it's his time to shine. The 5th spot is iffy, but DiNardo fared well in that role for some time last year, so look for him to develop in that role.


The A's are always young and they always like to have fun. Their mascot in Stomper the elephant I don't understand, but I guess he's fun? Anyways, maybe starting off the season against the Red Sox in Japan is what they'll need to get this party started off right.

The Clemens - Pettitte Lovefest Pitcher Preview: San Diego Padres

"With baseball season around the corner, we decided it was about time to start looking at the lineups of different teams in California. However, we're too lazy to cover all positions, so we'll just be analyzing those elbow mashing heroes: the pitchers!"

The stingy pitching staff of the San Diego Padres are back to do it again.

Last year, the entire staff led the league in shutouts (20) and ERA (3.70). Having Cy Young winner Jake Peavy and 4-time Cy Young winner Greg Maddux on your team helps a little bit. Peavy led the league last year in wins (19), strikeouts (240), and ERA (2.54). Greg Maddux, where do you began with this guy. 41 years old and still doing his thing with 347 career victories, with none of that steroids and HGH stuff I'm assuming. During a stretch of 59 2/3 innings last year he did not walk a single batter. He walked only 25 batters the entire season, his lowest since 1997. The pitcher-friendly Petco Park might have something to do with that, but hey, it's Greg Maddux! 8-time All Star and won at least 13 games for 20 straight seasons, a major league record.

Jake Peavy, Chris Young, Greg Maddux, Randy Wolf, Mark Prior

We've talked enough about Peavy and Maddux, we know what they can do. Young is a very good pitcher as well. He battled through injuries last year so he couldn't show what he was capable of. During the offseason, Young strengthened his core through pilates and other exercises, so hopefully it pays off because the Padres think that he has Cy Young material too. Wolf and Prior are the bottlenecks of this rotation. The Padres would need them to perform well to have a chance in the always tight and pitcher-heavy NL West. Wolf will look to rebound after the Dodgers did not work out for him. He had a decent first half before injuries took place in the second half. Prior will start the season on the DL, which is already a bad start for him, but he should be game-ready in mid-March. It's okay though, because for $1 million dollars, what can you lose in a guy like him, who had won 18 games and was an All-Star before injuries occurred for 2 seasons, a la Kerry Wood. Until Prior comes back, the Friars will look into their pitching staff for the 5h starter, which would either be Shawn Estes, Glendon Rusch, Clay Hensley, Justin Germano, or Wil Ledezma, who are all decent candidates for the job.

I gotta say though, been there myself, Petco Park is a really darn nice park.

Attention All Bloggers: We Challenge You to a March Madness Pool!

"Bring it On!"

Attention sports bloggers (and regular bloggers) of America. The best time of the year is upon us, March Madness. It’s a sports event that perhaps surpasses the Super Bowl in terms of people watching it based on pure gambling. As you may or may not know, the staff writers here are gambaholics. Just kidding. Actually, no, not kidding.

Anyway, I am an avid reader of another pretty popular blog, Kissing Suzy Kolber. Last year around this time, they had a little bracket showdown with the bloggers of Ladies… where they put their pride on the line and challenged each other to a March Madness pool of death. I thought this was very entertaining for both the bloggers and the readers.

Thus, The Play in California decided that since this was the first chance for us to do the same, why don’t we? That’s why we are here to challenge all you other blogs in a blog versus blog March Madness showdown. The reason we mentioned KSK is that we didn’t want to take credit for an idea that isn’t ours, and we kind of hope that their precedent would set a trend for other blogs to do the same.

How does it work? Simple, we all just join a pool (probably fueled and scored by Yahoo) and average our contributor’s scores with yours. Whoever has a higher score will win a prize that we can negotiate. KSK and the Ladies offered to let the winner write on their blog. We are open to this and any other prize suggestions, except money of course. It’s hard enough to get money from people you already know let alone people you don’t know.

So if you think you can throw down with us, send us an email at kccal31@gmail.com. Just let us know who you are and then we can discuss rules and prizes and shit in the weeks leading up to the Big Dance. We look forward to hearing from you, pussies.

Thank God for CBS.com.

Lakers - Suns Game Proves One Thing: NBA Players Still Hate Raja Bell

"Nice job taking him out, Shaq!"

In his debut, Shaq scored 15 points, surpassing experts’ predictions that the only thing he would produce would be more racist Chinese jokes. I’m sure he’ll deliver those soon. Though, Amare scored 37 points and Nash had 8 assists, Kobe’s 41 points and Gasol’s 29 proved to be too much for the Suns to handle. Barbosa also had 17 points, as well as Grant Hill. The more important stat for Hill was that he had no injuries.

However, the most curious stat though was the number one, as in one teammate to teammate injury that happened during the game. The victim: Raja Bell. The culprit: Big Diesel himself. Now, for those who may not remember, Raja Bell is the same guy who decided to go JBL on Kobe’s ass and knock him a Clothesline From Hell late in the 4th quarter of the 2006 NBA playoffs.

Bell claimed that Kobe was getting away with cheap shots the whole series and that his clothesline was sweet, sweet redemption. Bell’s original reaction:

“It's a personal thing when someone continually hits you in the face. That's the only way I can put it. I've been playing as hard as I can play. I've been trying to do a good job, I've been trying to be what my team needs me to be, and I continually get hit in my face. There doesn't seem to be any boundaries or limitations for what he's allowed to do to me, and at that point, I kind of lost my cool and I took it into my own hands."

Kobe’s reaction:

"I think he overreacts to stuff. ... I don't think about him. ... I don't know this kid. I don't need to know this kid. I don't want to. We go out there and play the game and leave it at that. Maybe he wasn't hugged enough as a kid. I look at him a little bit and he gets a little insecure about something."

So basically Kobe asked the question everyone was asking back then: Who the fuck is Raja Bell?

Flash forward to yesterday. With about 4 minutes left, Raja Bell is prancing around the court when all of a sudden, BOOM! Elbow to the head. Raja is out. Shaq has been informed that he just knocked his teammate out of the game, to which Shaq probably replied: Who the fuck is Raja Bell? The game goes on.

Now, I don’t know what the deal is with Bell. Maybe fresh elbows to his face gets him pumped up for the game. Maybe he has an uncanny mutant power to drawn in elbows like Magneto drawing in metal. Or maybe, in a universal theory everyone can agree on, no one likes him. I think the last theory is the best one.

I’m sure Shaq barely knew the guy and STILL wanted to take him out the game. I can only imagine all the bitching the Raja is going to be doing during the next few practice days.

“Yeah, I respect Shaq, but it’s definitely personal when someone accidentally knocks you out of the game. I mean he has no class. I’ve been busting my ass out there for weeks, then all of a sudden Shaq arrives to the Suns and then he thinks he can start making me his punk. That ain’t right.”

Shaq’s reaction:

“I told you for the last time, I don’t know who Raja Bell is. Raja, is that like an Indian name or something? Tell Raja this…” [insert hilarious racist Indian impression here]

Now I don’t know Raja Bell personally, but I’m pretty sure my theory is concrete. But it’s okay, people can change. Maybe all he needs is a few more hugs.

When the Southwest Was One

"Is it time yet?"

Remember the glory days of the Lakers? The Shaq-Kobe dynasty, Robert Horry’s timeless game winning 3 pointers, the impeccable triangle offense… ah to be 16 again… Unfortunately in life only two things remain certain; death and taxes. The departing of Shaq and the scandal of Kobe Bryant took the attention away from one of NBA’s most prolific dynasties. Barely making it into the playoffs year in and year out, with all the weight resting on Kobe Bryant’s shoulders, the team that has kept GM’s awake at night for the past 3 decades no longer seemed to scare anyone. …and that’s when the 2006-2007 season ended. Kobe’s plea for help, albeit butchered by the media, brought about unity amongst his squad. A few years of struggle allowed several young players to mature (Turiaf, Farmar, Bynum, etc.), and several other players to suck miserably (Odom, Grant, Brown, Smush Parker!); all allowing the men upstairs to create a brilliant plan of attack for the 2007-2008 season. With Phil Jackson behind the wheel, the Lakers cruised into this season as a team, not as patrons attending the Kobe Bryant show, but as a team centered around balanced passing, and team defense.

Then Pau Gasol entered the realm and gave the Lakers the steroid injection they so desperately needed. Adding a mobile big man to the team has not only matured the Lakers into containing one of the deadliest starting 5 in the NBA, but also by far the team with the deepest bench. Yes, it is true that Kobe no longer needed to score 30 points a game because of the play by Bynum, Sasha, and Vladimir; but Pau Gasol changes everything.

*A little history on Pau Gasol

When the Memphis Grizzlies drafted Pau Gasol, they had hopes that he would be the next Tim Duncan; a player the Grizzlies could build around and one who would bring the Grizzlies into playoff contention. Yet, the Grizzlies overlooked one thing. When seeing film from his days in Spain, they only saw Gasol’s amazing play on the boards, in the paint, and on defense. It took until the 2004 Olympics before anyone in the states actually realized the Spanish team is exceptionally talented and boosted Gasol’s capabilities. This idea was further reiterated when Spain, led but not carried by Gasol, won the FIBA World championships in 2006. The Grizzlies, a poor and misguided team, no longer felt the need to keep Gasol, and worked lethargically to trade him. For the past 3 years his name has surfaced in and out of trade scenarios, yet he was never traded. What the Lakers did to get him I will never understand but nevertheless the impact he will make can be seen in both stats and in history.

Gasol has averaged 18 points and 8 rebounds his entire career. Yes, the Grizzlies need a much more productive player…but the Lakers don’t. The stat that should raise all Los Angeles’ eyebrows is that fact that he has consistently shot 50% from the field his entire career. Logically, that number can only improve since he will no longer need to take the pressured shots, the three pointers with the clock winding down, or the double teamed shots…all thanks to Kobe Bryant. And on top of that he adds another 8 rebounds per game..so when Kobe goes 3 for 13 as he did Gasol’s first night in Los Angeles, they still win.

And just as the Sun began to shine on the beautiful Hollywood sign, a transaction occurred 400 miles east that would cause a rumbling all across the south west. Shaq’s arrival into Phoenix marked a revived rivalry between the Lakers and Suns that had previously been dominated by the Suns. Yet, surprisingly only the Lakers have been hailed as geniuses; the Suns are being marked as having just executed the boldest blunder of Steve Kerr’s young career.

I for one disagree.

Yes, the Suns are no longer the fastest team in the NBA. Yes, Shaq is old, broken, and is probably a better horse jockey then he is a center in the NBA (but only if he has his vitamin water!). And Yes, Shawn Marion was probably one of the top 3 most all around players in the NBA (check your fantasy league). But, the Suns need Shaq. The Suns have a great set of guards, all of which can score and pass, and have blazing speed. The team overall can put up 120 points on anyone on any given night. Yet, why has it been seemingly impossible for them to beat the Spurs or Mavericks come playoff time? The answer lies clearly in the paint. Lets dissect the Spurs –Suns matchup. Amare Stoudemire, with all his talent and capabilities, is no match for Tim Duncan. Tim Duncan, played one on one, will score 30 points a night on 60% shooting. Tony Parker is an amazing ball handler and can direct a pass coming out from Tim Duncan to the wide open shooter, or drive and take it to the whole himself. Nash can hand with Tony, but not when its 4 on 5. And with all this running around, chasing the Spurs in their half court ball distribution; the fastest team in the NBA just went into cardiac arrest. Sprinting is possible through the regular season, when you are playing teams that don’t have a big man in the middle, or a set of guards that can make you pay if you double up; but there is no way one can survive that style of play against the Spurs, Mavericks, Rockets, Pistons, or Celtics. And it is for this reason alone, that Shaq’s acquisition should have caused a lot of GM’s, as well as critics and analysts, to cringe.

Sure Shaq won’t be able to play more than 20 minutes in a game, and he won’t score 20 points or even grab 15 boards in a game. But Shaq can defend against Duncan. And Shaq can eat Nowitski. And on the flip side, on healthy knees, Shaq can easily back down any center in the NBA and force a double team. And that’s when the Suns become the aggressor; possessing the ability to make other teams chase and rotate around the double team. And suddenly, a team that was considered the fastest full court team no more, is now the fastest half court team in the NBA.

Shaq, when backing down a defender in the paint, will see the double team coming and will have Nash, Bell, Barbosa, or Diaw, to pass the ball too. Each of these players can catch shoot, or can drive to the hole faster than the defense can keep their eye on the ball. So it really doesn’t matter that they’ll lose their fast break potential with Shaq being on the floor; because they now have a fast break every time a team decides to double up.

The debate regarding who is the bigger threat out of the west, the Lakers or the Suns, will be the subject of another article. But if what I say is legitimate, the NBA should get the answer to that question come playoff time, provided the Lakers are healthy, and Shaq is too.

When Kyle Kendrick Really Gets Shipped to Japan, It Won't Be So Funny

"Fuck me."

With baseball season around the corner, we’ve noticed that there has been a lack of baseball posts from us writers. However, never fear, because baseball season is here (50 cent eat your heart out, on second thought, please don’t shoot me.) Expect to see some sexy hot MLB spring training previews on all the clubs that occupy the greater California region (and not the shitty ones like Eureka). To kick off the glorious 2008 training, we decided to talk about what everyone else is talking about. No, not steroids, rookie pranks! Though not specifically related to California, a prank like this only comes up once in a while.

The premise: Phillies rookie Kyle Kendrick believes he has been traded to Japan. Basically, Kendrick walks into the office of manager Charlie Manuel’s office and is informed that he has been traded to Japan for one Kobayashi Iwamura. It was well staged too. There was media asking Kendrick questions on his reaction. Naturally, the ball player asked if there was good food in Japan. And steroids (I know, I’m beating a dead horse).

The ruse was all over when prank conjurer Brett Myers came in and announced he had been punked. Hilarious. Myers then proceeded to show Kendrick the right way to tell a reporter that he/she is a “fucking idiot” and a “retard.” Okay, that didn’t really happened, but I’m sure it will eventually.

Even though the prank is all fun and games, the REAL funny part is going to be when Kendrick actually does gets shipped off somewhere else, either Japan or the minors. I can only imagine the situation:

Charlie Manuel: Hey Kyle, have a seat.

Kendrick: Sure thing, what’s up boss?

Manuel: I got some bad news for you son, you’re going to be sent off to Japan for one Hideo Matsuzaki.

Kendrick: Haha, good one coach.

Manuel: No, I’m serious this time.

Kendrick: Haha, okay coach sure. You can drop the act now.

Manuel: There is no act.

Kendrick then realizes he actually is going to be traded.

Kendrick: What?!?!?!

Manuel: Sorry son.

Kendrick: …Man, fuck this team then! You’re a fucking idiot-retard Manuel!

Awkward silence.

Manuel: Um yeah...., ummm....., so how about them Eagles?

Told you he would eventually learn that one! He wouldn’t even need to be told he was going to Japan to get that mad, someone would just tell him he’s being traded to the Giants.

Well, now that pranks have come and gone, baseball season is ready to start, so keep your eyes peeled on some baseball posts coming soon.

I Liked All Star Saturday More Than Sunday

"He can still play with one hand, right?"

With all the anticipation and hoopla that comes around with the All Star game, it was kind of disappointing for Californians to realize that only one man from all the teams in California made it to the All-Star game. That man was Kobe Bryant of course. To support the great state of California, I decided that I would pay an invested interest in watching the All-Star game for the sole purpose of watching Kobe Bryant play. There were rumors swarming around that Kobe wasn’t going to play due to injuries. One half of me thought no way he wasn’t going to play, he loves this weekend. Another half was thinking, well if he does play it won’t be long. And another part of me was hoping that all of the west team gets a case of the stomach flu and are replaced by a Golden State Warriors team that’s flown in straight from Oakland. Yeah, that didn’t happen.

Instead, Kobe stepped on the court and played a little. A few minutes later, he was on the bench, and that was it for California. Yay.

Then, I was forced to watch the rest of the game. True, I could have changed the channel, but I was just too mesmerized by the Eastern team’s jerseys (half white, half blue, you must be loco!) As I watched highlight after highlight, dunk after dunk, I dawned upon an epiphany: this is a little boring.

Don’t get me wrong here. I am no way advocating that watching highlights unfold in front of my eyes wasn’t fun to watch, it’s just that the game itself isn’t that exciting. The main ingredient missing from it is drama. The All-Star game has nothing on the line, and rarely close. Even this year when it was close, I just didn’t feel the excitement. It was tied with one minute left, but it just didn’t seem like it. No defense and tons of clips doesn’t always equal high suspense. In short, it wasn’t going to wind down to a buzzer beating college type situation.

Then another revelation dawned upon me, I had way more fun watching All-Star Saturday. I admit, any event not named the slam dunk contest was as fun as watching sap harden on trees, but the finale is the only thing that ever counts. Look at Super Bowl 42.

I guess this opinion stems from my own preference of high drama. The slam dunk contest is made for that kind of stuff. Anything that is judged already brings up five notches in excitement. Judges are like wild cards, you never know what they’ll deal. A grade A+ dunk can garner a low score from any bone headed judge (ie Karl Malone). Thus, this helps lubricate debate among the people watching. It gets people to engage in discussion. Debate is a good thing because it’s such high entertainment, especially when people are drunk and ready to brawl.

The dunk contest also has build up. Waiting 5 minutes to see the guys set up props like cupcakes and miniboards is all part of the excitement. It makes you wonder what the hell they are going to do as several situations run through your mind. It keeps you on the edge of the seat. The game itself though is just like any other basketball game, except with more flash. It’s not build up flash either, it’s flash that just happens left and right, which ironically sucks the fun out of it. Dwight Howard was more fun to watch on Saturday than Sunday.

I’m not really complaining or bitching or anything. I still enjoyed watching the All-Star game, even is Kobe only played 2 seconds. I just found the dunk contest more enjoyable. Guess I’m more of a dummy basketball fan who just isn’t into the game itself that much. It’s the reason why my sports knowledge goes down 80 percent when the football season is over.

El Viaje Misterioso de U-Doce, or How I Spent My Super Bowl Weekend

Normally, on a Sunday, we'd look forward to some sexy NFL action. However, the season is over, and we're trying to hold on to the last sheds of the season that we can. Hey, Patriot fans do it! Believe it or not, u12 was actually on hand in Arizona during the Super Bowl. Thus, he did some reporting for us from Glendale. Unfortunately, his reporting is about two weeks late. Nonetheless, we didn't want good journalism to go to waste, so enjoy!

I know I know, the Super Bowl is over. Its been over for a while and now I am writing my post on it. I blew it, yeah. Well, nevertheless I hope you guys enjoy.

So Wednesday before Super Bowl Sunday I am on my way home from work and I am on the phone with a buddy of mine from college. We are shooting shit, discussing nothing important when I tell him how I really want to go on a roadtrip of some sort. Conversation ends, I go home. Within 15 minutes, I receive another phone call…”Dude, pack your bags its going down!”

"The Super Bowl party Civic!"

Roughly 60 hours later, we are on the 10, passing through Palm Springs en route to Glendale, Arizona. Albeit 100 miles longer, the drive was significantly easier than the drive to the bay area. No cow poo smell, no large mountains to climb or windy 1 lane segments…just the famous Arizona hills and cactus surrounding the freeway lanes. Really, for about 200 miles of the trip you can’t tell you moved at all because the setting in the background does not change much.

"First cactus out of 232,242,123"

Our first point of business was to take part in the activities at the stadium. Expecting huge buildings and attractions surrounding the stadium, we were mighty appalled by the isolation of the stadium. The only huge building worth noting was the University of Phoenix building, which offers great online degrees to you and yours! The stadium itself was quite remarkable and the festivities were also rather entertaining. I did notice that a surprisingly large number of athletes and past Super Bowl heroes did leave the stadium in S550’s; maybe that’s the car to buy after you retire who knows? There was a parade we witnessed, but that wasn’t really cool the only headline was Smokey the Bear. Numerous attempts were made to shake Smokey the Bear’s hand and take a picture with him, but the police denied our requests and Smoke pranced along. We were not pleased. Heading up north past the stadium a little bit, we found a tiny quiet little town where the inhabitants still think John Wayne and Pancho Villa are Gods. The bar was not fun, we left scared and confused.

"So this is what white people do for fun."

Travelling from Glendale, through Phoenix, en route to Tempe, home of the Sun Devils and the biggest partyers in the country, we noticed how big Los Angeles really is. The entire state is comprised of 4 major cities; Tuscon, Phoenix, Scottsdale, and Tempe. All of which are relatively close to one another yet it definitely felt like we were in the desert when traveling from one city to the next.

Stopping at Mills Ave, opened our eyes to the world outside of the metropolitan Los Angeles and San Diego. Attempting to find a specific bar my friend was at, we asked random people bar hopping just like we were. The unprovoked kindness we were given while being directed to our destination was truly unforgettable. We even discussed how if this was LA, we probably would have been hit by a Gucci purse or punched by a gangster or something. Throughout the night it became more and more apparent that people in California are just meaner then people in Arizona.

"My friend had a major bladder problem."

In my eyes it was split down the middle, 50-50 in terms of who people were rooting for. I saw just as many Shockey jerseys as I did Brady jerseys. The best sports article of clothing I saw were on the tops of 4 white women; with the name of Tom Brady crossed out by a big red encircled X. Take that Tom. And with as much garbage talking, and honking and hollering at people who were wearing opposing colors as you; the night was ridiculously mild and lacking tension of any sort. People were just out having a good time and enjoying the atmosphere.

Then it was gameday. Being cheap undergraduate and graduate college students, we found the 50 dollar parking 1 mile away from the stadium to be rather ridiculous. We circled the stadium a few times, saw 2 pimps in purple velvet suits walking to the stadium. We yelled and screamed at them. They nodded and shook their pimp canes at us smiling. It was a glorious Sunday afternoon. After making numerous circles and going to one empty bar after another, we found our way to Scottsdale, where ESPN was stationed, as well as the Bud Light girls, and a large population of sophisticated Arizonians. I cannot remember the name of the street we were on, but it felt just like Mills Ave next to Arizona State, except everyone had an extra 2 zeros at the end of their bank balance. Yet, this wasn’t the arrogant Hollywood crowd one might have expected. These were real fans jumping up and down, screaming, trash talking, making our Super Bowl experience worthwhile, all in a tasteful and clean manner.

"Not as sunny as I thought it would be."

The predicting camel had spoken a while back suggesting the Giants would upset the Patriots. Yet, the Giants won the coin toss, suggesting that they would be like 17 of the past 21 teams and would lose the game. After the first half, who would win was inconclusive, but who was bored out of their mind was not. At this point, our 1 on 1 football game with a permanent quarterback and a cheerleader, held in the parking lot of a pizza parlor was significantly more exciting. The third quarter demonstrated only what the first and second quarter had established; and I found myself more impressed by the Italian soda my girlfriend had purchased then the game itself. The 4^th quarter supplied enough excitement to make up for the first three, as well as place this game in the Super Bowl hall of fame as one of the best endings ever. Eli Manning’s courageous escape from the grasp of three defenders potentially was one of the most exciting plays in Super Bowl history. And in the end, Bill Belichick showed his poor sportsmanship and Michael Strahan showed the gigantic gap between his teeth and the biggest upset in the history of football had just unfolded. What was interesting was the reactions of the fans after the game; Patriots fans were actually showed severe disappointment. I truly expected most of the fans to not be so disheartened for they were probably band wagon fans anyway but I was really wrong. I will never forget the tears rolling down the eyes of a 70 year old man wearing an old school Patriots letterman jacket as he stands beside his wife, who was wearing the same jacket...such true fans.

Hovering around the ESPN setup where the post game show was to occur, we absorbed our last moments of the Super Bowl, hopped in the car, and set forth back to reality.

"So long Arizona."

Complexities of the Jason Kidd Trade

Jason Kidd, a living triple-double machine. 99 career triple-doubles, to be exact, or somewhere in that ballpark. Co-Rookie of the Year back in 1995 with Grant Hill. Multiple All-Star appearances and starter for this year's squad. Fantastic NBA player, wonderful college player for 2 years with Cal with his retired #5 jersey, and sensational high school baller at St.