A Guide To Enjoying the Super Bowl Even When Your Team Is Not Playing

"This is our Super Bowl. Huzzah."

As you may or may not know, it’s been a tough year in the NFL for people in California. The Niners were once again hyped as a team with expectations, only to stumble horribly like Bill Gramatica during a field goal celebration. Alex Smith stunk, Trent Dilfer stunk, Frank Gore stunk, and the only guy who didn’t kind of stink was Shaun Hill. Who? Yeah, exactly.

I suppose having some expectations is better than having no expectations, which the Raiders certainly justified this year. Having some hope coming into the season is better than having despair disguised with a phony phrase like “Hey, picking up Daunte will make us a winner.” No he won’t!

Lastly, there are the Chargers, the team that gave us some hope. But then we played the Patriots, and reality set in. Shit.

In fact, all of our commentator’s teams pretty much went down in flames, going the other way on the Road to the Super Bowl. My Chiefs pretty much sucked all year. Nice hold out Larry Johnson, too bad you played like shit this year. Ms. Auto’s Saints were pretty much like the Niners, with higher expectations and bigger disappointment. Ace of Spades is an actual Niners fan. Enough said. And u12’s Cowboys looked decent, until Mexicogate broke out and all hell let loose.

So here we are now, at the Super Bowl, Patriots vs. Giants, and guess what, I could care less about these two teams! Patriots? Giants? I could be watching the Rhein Fire play the Berlin Thunder for all I care; it’d be the same thing for me. Thus, I and fans of 30 NFL teams are at a bit of a dilemma. The Super Bowl is fun, but from a football fan’s perspective, it’s more fun when you actually have interest in the game. So what are you to do? Well fear not my friend, for I have come up with the ultimate guide for enjoying the Super Bowl even when your team is not in it. Here, you’ll find a bunch of activities and ways to enhance your Super Bowl experience even when you don’t care much for what’s on the field. Enjoy!

Activity 1: Teaching Football to the Uneducated

For some people, the Super Bowl is a true celebration of watching the NFL’s best teams going at it. Sadly though, for many, and I mean MANY, others the Super Bowl marks the first and only football game they’ll watch this year. There are about 140 million people who watch the Super Bowl each year. Do you really think all 140 million people are there every Sunday to see the Miami Dolphins take another ass pounding by (insert team name here)? I don’t think so. Thus, there’s a high chance that there’ll be a handful of people at your party who won’t know what the hell is going on while watching the TV.

Now, I realize it may be some what annoying to have to explain what the extra point is over and over and over again, but to make things interesting for you while watching the game, do what I do to these people: fuck with them.

“Didn’t that Eli Manning guy win the Super Bowl last year?” Someone asks.

“Sure,” you respond. “And he also had some time to do some advertising in the Gay porn industry.”

The conversations will be priceless.

Activity 2: Try to think of creative ways to trick yourself into rooting for one of the teams.

So after all the ball licking and media whoring that happens before the Super Bowl, you might think to yourself, “Hey, maybe I kind of like that Wes Welker guy. I saw him in an interview, and he’s whiter than me. I guess I somewhat hope the Patriots will win, for Wes’s sake.” Congratulations, you’ve successfully raised your interest in a team by one percent, therefore making you a little more emotionally invested in a team.

I’ll probably just root for the Giants because Plaxico Burress has a cool name.

That’s good enough for me.

Activity 3: Gambling

Gambling makes anything exciting. It’s the only reason why we care about college basketball and why horses are considered “athletes.” The best thing about gambling is that it makes sense for you to root for both teams. Say you like the Patriots, but you don’t think they can make the spread. Well, if the Patriots win, then you’re happy, but if they lose or don’t cover the spread, you get some cash. Gambling is always win-win.

But don’t just gamble money, that’s lame. Try to be creative in your bets. For example, gamble away one of your kids! Nothing puts you more on the edge of your seat than knowing that you have to say bye-bye to little Susie if the Giants don’t cover. Now that is truly win-win.

Activity 4: Root against the Patriots

While this guide is supposed to be meant for the person who isn’t rooting for either team, do you really want these fans to gloat that they’re 19-0 for the rest of eternity?

I think not.

Activity 5: Drink yourself silly.

Ahh, fuck it. It’s the only day of the year (other than Thanksgiving) where you can drink and act like a complete ass without any discretion. Hit on your friend's girlfriend while you're at it. She's a floozy anyways. It’ll help you get by until the next season (Go Raiders)!

Chris Webber is Back (Now With Captain Jack)

"Oh my god, it's Chris Webber in a Warriors uniform!"

Attention Warriors fans!! The Warriors are still good, currently holding the solid 7th slot in the Western Conference. Will the run-n-gun Warriors make the playoffs again and create another Cinderella run? We have to wait until the end of the season for that. However, remember the good old days in the 1990s when the Warriors dominated? Remember the Rookie of the Year Chris Webber and the younger-looking coach Don Nelson? Chris Webber may be sitting at home enjoying his NBA Live 2008, and Donnie might have gained a few more wrinkles, but remember the above picture when Chris Webber would be coming into NBA games off the Warriors bench? Well, nostalgia better kick in, because this will become reality! The ESPN has reported that Don Nelson is bringing back Chris Webber to the Bay Area! It's a done deal! Their history aside, could Chris Webber help bring back memories of the goodness gracious oh-so-perfect Run TMC days?!?!


Now, Chris Webber may not be the T or the M or the C, so what is Chris Webber?

Let's look at the situation deeper. The Warriors are seriously pushing for the playoffs. The Warriors are no joke. Take that, the rest of the NBA! But, what are some of the Warriors' weakest links? No questions asked, the answer would be the BENCH! The Warriors have no bench players. They basically run a 8-man rotation night-in and night-out. Sooner or later, both Baron Davis and Monta Ellis would get tired of playing 40+ minutes a night.


Weakest link #2: SIZE. Nobody would want to mess with Captain Jack, 'cause they know what will happen. Remember Palace of Auburn Hills, November 19, 2004? However, Stephen Jackson guarding Dirk Nowitzki may work for a night or two, but these guys are playing in the NBA--Nothing But Adjustments!! The Warriors can't stay small forever. They can't rely on Andris Biedrins and Al Harrington to take on all the big fellas in the wild wild west!

What does Chris Webber bring to the table? Webber provides both SIZE and a player off the BENCH!! Plus, he brings over veteran experience and leadership after playing 14 years in the league, not to mention playoff experience, after helping lead the Sacramento Kings to the conference finals in 2002. Playoffs, did I mention playoffs? That is exactly what the Warriors are looking for!!

In conclusion,

CHRIS WEBBER + GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS = Happy Days in Oak-town! :)

"Better bring back those Chris Webber rookie cards, 'cause he's coming back to the Warriors and guiding them into the future!"

Readers, how do you think C-Webb will affect the Warriors' playoff run?

Great Moments in Super Bowl History: Super Bowl XXIII (AKA Why San Francisco Won)

"Cue Depeche Mode now."

With the Superbowl coming up this weekend, the TPIC thought it'd the perfect time to jog our memory and remember a time when the 49ers were actually contenders. Yes, nowadays the 49ers and the post season would send Jim Mora running through a Coors Light commercial screaming "playoffs!", but things were different in the 80's.

At that time, the 49ers were getting ready for Superbowl XXIII. Their opponent, the Cincinatti Bengals. During the 80's, the Bengals were essentially their generation's San Diego Chargers. Good enough to get pretty far, yet could never beat that one team to make it to glory. Instead of that team being the New England Patriots, their team that always stopped them was San Francisco.

Back in the 80's new fads were rising like spandex, music videos, new wave, and America's favorite pastime: cocaine. Not like the 49ers were indulging in any of that, not with St. Walsh around. The Bengals were a different story though:


* Some of you may need to download Adobe Flash to view this.

Way to go Stan. (Although this video is a bit of a parody, the story is very true.) Guess the Bengals back then were no different from the Bengals of today. I guess there's only so much to do in Cincinatti before going apeshits.

This web video was sent in thanks to TPIC reader Aaron. For others, feel free to send in any tips just like our pal Aaron.

Stanford's Year.... Cal Not So Much....

Stanford’s football team won back the axe this year.

And Stanford’s men’s basketball sure wasn’t going to lose to Cal. Not with the 7-footer-Lopez brothers working together…not a chance.

(beasts!)

So…any ounce of hope for Cal to win back some sports dignity was with its Women’s Basketball team.

"That's right Bears, we can WIN!"

Cal (8) and Stanford (7) played to see who would be the queens of the “yay” area. And it’s amazing that both teams entered the game ranked in the top ten. 1 ranking apart…how could you tell which one is better?

I mean, it’s like comparing classic 1985 Michael J. Fox movies. Could you really say which of his performances was better: in “Teen Wolf” or “Back to the Future”? Ok, maybe “Back to the Future” is a better movie, but you know you had a good time watching “Teen Wolf.” Badass, both movies. And badass, both teams.


...i feel like both women's teams are beasts on the court...


And I tell you, this year’s matchup was supposed to be monumental. But the actual game was not. Maybe the Cal turnover (Stanford steal) at the beginning of the game set the pace for the rest of the night. With the scoreboard 32-16 at halftime, it was clear that Cal just couldn’t get into the groove of things. The closest Cal got after that was being 9 points behind.

Not too great.

In what was supposed to be a close game, Stanford annihilated Cal, finalizing the game at 72-52.

I don’t think it’s Cal’s year.



But even if Stanford manages to beat Cal in football and basketball this year, the Cal Rugby team is still kick-ass. And at least Cal can gloat about its success outside sports as well:

Bangin!

That's right, you know you love him...
At one point, we all sang "She Bangs"!

Screw You Russian! I Saw That Stuff in a Disney Movie

"Yay for all stars."

In case you missed it yesterday, and I'm sure many of you did, Anaheim's Ryan Getzlaf was narrowly beat by the Russian from DC, Alex Ovechkin in the NHL's "Super" skill competition. For those of you who are not familiar with this event, it's basically the NBA's all star Saturday on ice, but also a lot more boring.

This year they decided to spice things up with a style-shoot out. It's like the slam dunk contest without any slam dunks, which pretty much makes it as exciting as watching sap harden on trees. In any case, Getzlaf was defeated.

One of the feats that Ovechkin performed was a puck juggling routine. Basically, he scooped the puck, juggled, then tried to shoot it in the air. He missed by the way. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but that whole deal totally reminded me of that cowboy kid, Dwayne Robertson, from D2: The Mighty Ducks.


In fact, that's what that kid was known for in the movie, doing a Tiger Woods like puck juggle even before Tiger Woods was around. That was the big eared kid who lassoed that one Iceland guy as he was about to smash Connie Moreau. I remembered that shit. He would also yell "yee haw" and other goofy cowboy phrases. He even did the whole puck juggling thing in the final shootout of the movie. I did remember he let the puck fall on the ground, then shot it on the ice. There was no baseball involved, but Ovechkin totally ripped that other shit off.

I just find it ironic that Getzlaf, a Mighty Duck, was beaten by a guy that stole a move from the movie the Mighty Ducks in which the Anaheim Mighty Ducks were based on. Mind blowing, I know. Perhaps Getzlaf would have fared better if he sported the old school jersey.

The 100th Post! Showcasing the Best of the Best

"We're that monkey."

Congrats to us! We've made it to 100! And in order to show how awesome we are, we thought we would showcase the best work we've done in the last 99 posts.

I know some of you are thinking "hey, that's a clip show." Well yeah, but it's the best clip show in the history of man. Besides, give us a break, it's Saturday and my hung over ass is too lazy to have to do things like think and write, okay? So without further ado, here's the best of the best organized by writer (note some writers have more articles than others, thats why there's so many entries from me, kc cal!):

u12:
u12's Championship Weekend
u12's Wild Card Weekend

Ace of Spades
Barry Bonds = Confusion

Ms. Automatic
Californians and Mike Vick

Saints Streak

Kc Cal
Philip Rivers is a Douche
Shaun Livingston's new legs
Jim Harbaugh before the game
A History of Mascots
What gives Brett?

Barry Bonds' Defense: Confusion

"What the heck are you talking about?"

Oh man! With all the craziness going on in the sports world today--California Sportsman/Shark of the Year, Perfect Patriots vs. Godsend Giants (koodles to my alliteration), Jo-Wilfried Tsonga serving the whole entire tennis world at the Australian Open, NHL All Star game, NBA All Star starters--what is going on in the world of our favorite unemployed baseball player Barry Bonds?

All this steroids madness began waaaaaaaay back in September of 2003 when the Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative (BALCO) was raided. Doing the math, it's been almost 4.5 years
and Barry Bonds is still being investigated, you might say. What's the latest headline to his story, you ask?


Well...after 92085639843 hours of American Idol auditions dressed as Paula Abdul with his lawyers, Bonds' defense team came up with the utmost brilliant defense to fight this federal case. Being charged with 4 counts of perjury and 1 count of obstruction to justice, Bonds has asked a federal judge to simply dismiss--I repeat, DISMISS--all the charges.

Why? Because he is arguing that the indictment is "scattershot" and noted for its "striking inartfulness." The lawyers said "the questions posed to him by two different prosecutors were frequently imprecise, redundant, overlapping and frequently compound."

After 4 years of this steroids nonsense, after 4 years of horrible Giants baseball, after 4 whole freakin' years, all they can come up with is that Bonds was confused about the investigators and didn't fully understand their questions? Are you seriously kidding me?! What are Bonds' lawyers doing?

"Pssst, Barry. Just scratch and shake your head and make cavemen sounds."

Maybe Bonds' choice to let the lawyers who previously represented witnesses against him to lead a federal case that will change the rest of his life was not such a bright idea.

It's been over 4 years since the beginning of this steroids scandal. So let's wait another 4 years to see what the outcome will be! Aren't you excited?! I definitely am! I think I will just sit in front of my computer and keep refreshing my screen until Barry Bonds pops up and says he was confused again so I can wait another 4 years. Oh boy, what fun!

Until next time, keep waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting.......

SJ Sharkie Presents NHL All-Stars From California

"I win!"

Hooray for me! I can’t believe that I won the CSSY (California Sportsperson or Shark of the Year) award. I mean, I thought I was popular, but not that popular! Hooray! Thanks for everyone who voted for me. It was a tough battle where I had to face off against a lot of opponents. I’d just like to take this opportunity to state that they were great competitors.

Marty Schottenheimer, thanks for the fair fight.

“ARRRRRRRGH!!! YELL!! YELL!!! SCREAM!!!!”

Barry Bonds, it was a tough match, but you put up a challenge.

“I would just like to state I did not take any poll enhancing drugs.”

And finally, I want to give an applause to my opponent Jim Harbaugh, who put up a valiant effort in the finals. Stand up Jim!

“I can’t believe I lost to a fucking shark. What the hell? I need to think about my life. I suck. I should have gotten that job in Baltimore, not my bro. Fuck.”

As a reward for my victory, I’ll get to present to you who from California is playing in the all star game this weekend. Hooray for me!


Ryan Getzlaf, C, Anaheim Mighty Ducks
An excellent center who has 58 points on the season. Also looks extra tasty. Yum. Boy I’m getting hungry.

Chris Pronger, D, Anaheim Mighty Ducks
The wiley old veteran defenseman. A hard hitter with who can also score some points. Doesn’t look as delicious as Getzlaf, and he might put too much of a fight for me if I decide to eat him. Oh well.

Joe Thorton, C, San Jose Sharks
He’s the man! I would never dare to eat him, Shark fans would kill me! Even though they’re from Silicon Valley, someone like Mark Hurd might try to hunt me for sport!

Evgeni Nabokov, G, San Jose Sharks
I don’t know about goalies. All their padding makes it hard to get to their meat. It’s like eating a lobster, which is no fun. Oh yeah, he’s a good goalie too.

Anze Kopitar, C, Los Angeles Kings
Who? I guess that’s a good thing, the more obscure, the less likely someone will care once I bite his leg off.

Well there you have it, the Californians from the 2008 All Star Game. All this talk about humans makes me want to get a snack.

It's Great That You're Back Eddie, But Why to San Francisco?

"Oh Eddie, guess you just like the spotlight."

Now, I don’t want to sound like some disrespectful, young jerk who doesn’t know what Sutton has done from the game. Judging by the title of this article, it probably already seems that way. Let’s get one thing straight, I know who Eddie Sutton is. Unlike many people at my young age, I don’t view Eddie Sutton as that old guy who won a lot of games at Oklahoma State. Far from it. I know how Sutton took a perennial loser like Arkansas and turned them into winners. I also know how he resurrected Oklahoma State’s basketball life.

However, because of this knowledge, I also know all of the “other” things that Eddie has done. The big one was that whole scandal that happened at Kentucky. It was the classic helping his player with exams scandal. Yeah, I know about that. That’s what caused him to resign from Kentucky, possibly the holy grail of college basketball.

There’s also the whole alcohol issue. Now, far be it from me to wag my finger at him for enjoying the booze once in a while. Hell, who doesn’t? I know the only way to get over a hard day is to drink yourself silly so that you forget why it was so hard in the first place. Just make sure you don’t decide to get behind the wheel and hit a car or two while driving (which was what Eddie did). There could have been a baby in that car. Or a puppy. Or even worse……. me! (It would be a crime against existence if it was me who got hit).

Also, don’t be like Eddie and state that you have a drinking problem until AFTER the accident, when your back is sore. Oh, so downing four shots of Jack everyday didn’t tip you off that maybe you had a drinking problem? It was only until you endangered the lives of others and you had a boo boo on your back that made you realize maybe you need help? Good realization, dipshit.

Because of these things, Eddie always seemed a little unsavory to me. I overlooked all of that though because he seemed like a class act on the playing court. He always presented himself with respect while commanding his players. Until now.

Why did you come back Eddie? Is getting those two extra wins really that important to you? 798 wins still seems very respectable to me. Is retirement really THAT boring? Even worse, you decide to come back with the lowliest teams of teams, USF.

Great. That alone kind of leaves a dent in his established coaching career. Imagine how it will look in the future and people look back at what he did as a coach. “Yes Eddie Sutton coached some fine schools like Kentucky, Arkansas, Oklahoma State and….. uhhh ……. the University of San Francisco?” Nice. More embarrassing is that his total number of wins at SF probably won’t even go to double digits. It’s the proverbial skidmark on his career.

Now I realize Eddie doesn’t give a shit about what people think about his return. When people ask why he came back, Eddie probably just says “Because I can.” Well, I can unscrew the lids of sugar dispensers and laugh when people use them, but I don’t, because it’s the jerk thing to do, and I am not a jerk. I guess Eddie has no qualms about jerk moves.

What’s my point? I don’t even know. All I know is that this seems like one giant publicity stunt that should never happen. Oh well. At least USF is getting some recognition in ways that are not related to how much they stink this year.

Nick Hardwick's Rant on Richard Seymour: Mad Lib Version

"(expletive)"

Damn you San Diego Chargers. I thought that your season was over, thus, we wouldn’t be hearing from you for a while. Yesterday’s Philip Rivers post was supposed to be the last thing about the Chargers until the next season or major sex-drug scandal. But nooooo, your media attention whore face decided to rear its ugly head back into the spotlight in the form of Nick Hardwick.

As you may or may not know, Hardwick had a little tiff with Patriots lineman Richard Seymour. Basically, he thought Seymour was a dirty player, but the way he described it was much more entertaining:

“Richard Seymour is the biggest (expletive) I've ever come across in football,” Hardwick said. “They've got 10 good football players on that team. Richard Seymour is a dirty, cheap little pompous (expletive).

He’s cheap and dirty, and the head (official) just let him get away with it the whole time. They’ve got 10 great players on that team, and when Jarvis Green is on the field they’ve got 11 great players who compete how you’re supposed to play.

Richard Seymour is the biggest (expletive) I’ve ever played against.

Head-slapping, foot stomping the pile, running by and throwing punches in your back late. He’s a (expletive).

There’s a field goal where he was stomping feet. . . . He plays like a (expletive).”

What’s with all the (expletive)’s? I want to know what he said. Which insult did he use? Assclown? Shithead? Family Guy? In today’s society where violence and sex is readily available to anyone with even a 56k connection, cursing shouldn’t be so taboo.

Since we have to use our imaginations instead, I decided the best way to do it is with mad libs.

For those of you who don’t know what mad libs are, you obviously missed out on some great fun as a kid. You can go here to find out what they are.

In the case of Hardwick’s rant, we can just replace every expletive with a noun, like this:

“Richard Seymour is the biggest (noun) I've ever come across in football,” Hardwick said. “They've got 10 good football players on that team. Richard Seymour is a dirty, cheap little pompous (noun).

He’s cheap and dirty, and the head (official) just let him get away with it the whole time. They’ve got 10 great players on that team, and when Jarvis Green is on the field they’ve got 11 great players who compete how you’re supposed to play.

Richard Seymour is the biggest (noun) I’ve ever played against.
Head-slapping, foot stomping the pile, running by and throwing punches in your back late. He’s a (noun).

There’s a field goal where he was stomping feet. . . . He plays like a (noun).”

Here’s my version:

“Richard Seymour is the biggest (rocket pony) I've ever come across in football,” Hardwick said. “They've got 10 good football players on that team. Richard Seymour is a dirty, cheap little pompous (cold shower).

He’s cheap and dirty, and the head (official) just let him get away with it the whole time. They’ve got 10 great players on that team, and when Jarvis Green is on the field they’ve got 11 great players who compete how you’re supposed to play.

Richard Seymour is the biggest (Canadian) I’ve ever played against.

Head-slapping, foot stomping the pile, running by and throwing punches in your back late. He’s a (turd sandwich).

There’s a field goal where he was stomping feet. . . . He plays like a (mad cow disease).”

What can you come up with?

Philip Rivers on the AFC Championship: Everyone Played Bad Except Me

After the Chargers loss Sunday, the TPIC was able to obtain exclusive audio from Philip River’s post game speech to his fellow Chargers. Let’s take a listen.

Nice job, dipshits. We totally started off that game the way Philip Rivers always starts the game, as winners. We totally stopped the Pats on their first drive. That set the tempo off right away. Then, good old number 17 here marched us down the field like how I march on to your girlfriends’ bed when you’re staying late for team meetings. Fucking losers. Three points later, we were up by three points and ready to unleash a Charger rage all over New England’s beer belly, chowder eating, retarded accent talking asses. After that field goal, we were ready for a blow out. I got us on track.

But nooooooo, the next series, Tom Brady and his band of gay-triots scored a touchdown like that…. like that!

Nice going defense, you bunch of losers. How the hell were you able to contain Brady in the first quarter, but then right when the second quarter starts, you fold like Marty Schottenheimer against John Elway? Way to turn things around, man.

Oh, so you said you picked off Brady three times? Good for you. You want a fuckin’ trophy for that? Well guess what, we could have a much cooler trophy had the won the game, by you know, preventing the patriots from scoring. Oh wait, guess that’s pretty much impossible with you assholes jogging on the field.

Don’t even look at me like that Merriman!

I’m not afraid of you! Who do I look like, Jeff Fisher? I’ll call you out on that any day of the week. I thought you were going to shove it to Brady, take him out and shit. I wanted to see him after the game being fed strained peas by Giselle in a New England hospital. I was counting on you, and you failed me! I don’t care if you’re “Lights Out”, don’t you dare attack me with a roid rage assault! You’re not Chris Benoit. I went to NC State, school of hard knock Southern boys. You went to Maryland, school of the goddamn turtles. I eat turtles in my soup with bay mint leaves sprinkled on top.

It tastes awesome. I even use their shells to make ashtrays for my cousins.

Oh, so I guess you defensive guys think that we should have scored more, that maybe it would have helped you guys. Well that ain’t my fucking fault, OK? It’s everyone else’s. Nice job Antoinio Gates. Two catches? That’s all? How the hell did you make it to the Pro Bowl. Hell, the only reason you got there in the first place was because of me, fucker. Chris Chambers? Nice job dipshit. Try holding on the ball instead of practically gift wrapping it to Asante Samuels.

That pick now goes on my stat sheet. You know how bad that looks, it makes me look like a total douche as a player! As a person, I’m fine with being a douche, but as a player: un-fuckin’-acceptable. Vincent Jackson? You did all right, but next time try getting ALL my looks to you. So what if I overthrew that ball and it went out of bounds? If you were a real player, you’d figure out how to get that. It’s not my problem, it’s yours.

Lastly, there’s you LT.

You’ve been riding my back all year about how I’m not a team player, and then you totally let me down. I was counting on you to get some New England heat off, but instead, you hurt your precious leg and decided to sit the rest of the game? What the hell man? I thought you wanted this shit! I thought you were always whining about being a winner and how you would die for this Charger organization. Even I was out there with a busted knee, and I don’t give a shit about San Diego. The only reason I wanted to win was so I could get some major league poon after the game. Now I only get minor league poon. Way to cock block buddy.

I hear a lot of you out in the locker room think it’s my fault that we lost, that my completion percentage was low and that I totally crumbled under the pressure. To all of you, I would just like to say this.

Flips off the whole locker room.

Like I give a shit what you all think. I don’t care what you all say. I was awesome simply because I am Philip Rivers, and I can do no wrong. I wasn’t pressured, I was scrambling, you fools just couldn’t clear a path for me to run. My passes weren’t overthrow, you assholes just weren’t hustling enough. Those weren’t interceptions, I just gave the Pats opportunities on offense, so that you dumbasses on defense could prove your worth. None of it is my fault. Nothing. It’s all your fault! All of it! And now, we have to hear a bunch of fat, drunk Boston fans gloat about 19-0 for the rest of eternity. Real fuckin’ grand.

I hope you guys all work real hard during the off-season, because you guys fuckin’ suck, while I’m nearly perfect. See you assholes next year.

Well there you have it. And while Philip Rivers didn’t have many nice things to say, the TPIC would really like to say thanks to the Chargers. You got farther than we thought and you gave us much to write about, mainly Philip Rivers. Well done, San Diego, well done.

Also to be fair, Philip Rivers was very non douchy after his loss, but it was too hard to resist. Good job Philip, maybe next year.

U12's NFL Championship Week 2008 Predictions

"Seriously, f-ck you Bill."

Sigh. I’ve really had trouble writing out this week’s predictions. After my wild care weekend’s flawless predictions, my fall off last week, aka the Dallas game, has left me contemplating my analyses of these games.


Packers vs Giants
In any event, with vengeance and complete utter malcontent do I predict the Packers beating the Giants 28-13. The Packers, playing in Green Bay, are en fuego right now. Favre is in sync with his receivers, the running game is performing very well, and the secondary, with Charles Woodson back, is looking incomparable. The Giants robbed Dallas by playing a clean game. They got lucky on Toomers first touchdown due to several unacceptable mistackles. They got lucky that Romo couldn’t throw because the ball took an extra second to get to him everytime he was in shotgun. And Eli picked apart a Dallas defense lead my the most mediocre and overrated safety in the NFL, Roy Williams. No, I’m not bitter, not even a little bit. Ha.

But all slander aside, the Giants don’t have enough threats on the offense to pose a threat to the Packers. Sure Plaxico is huge, and Toomer had a great game last week, but Charles Woodson has been the KING since his blue and gold days. The Green Bay front line is no joke either; not like it is going to matter much since the weather is going to be barely above freezing and the running game will be slower then normal.

The Giants have the front 8 to make Green Bay cringe. But Favre with time will prove to be deadly for the Giants. Give him even a little bit of time to pick apart the secondary and this game will be over quick.


Again, Green Bay 28 New York 13; Eli go home.


Patriots vs Chargers
Now for the game that we are all excited about; another David trying to defeat Goliath. I said earlier that the only team with a legitimate chance to beat the Patriots was the Jaguars. Well, I stand by that, but I was in San Diego for a couple years and its going to be awfully hard for me to go against them. So, screw it, Go BOLTS! Bolts win 24-23. And here is why…

San Diego showed something last week that hopefully the Patriots didn’t catch. When LT and Rivers went out with injuries, they produced a fantastic drive and scored on a qb sneak. On the surface, it seems like it was a big achievement and that San Diego is the new miracle city in America. What went unnoticed (I hope) was the performance of the line. The Colts thought they could pressure the quarterback and shut down the running game, but neither of which happened. Sproles and Turner can be starters on any other team in the NFL, but they won’t succeed. LT probably won’t be the superstar he is on other teams either. The San Diego offensive line is amazing. And what is more amazing is the chemistry they have with all 3 of their running backs. LT in the lineup but not starting would be the best way to approach this game against the Patriots; they have very little material on Turner and Sproles and Turner hits the hole so quickly its scary. Any fans of the Patriots I am sorry but I can’t name a linebacker that can keep up with Sproles. If Sproles runs a streak from out of the backfield he will be awfully hard to cover unless a safety clouds from atop.

To sum it up, San Diego wins this game if the offensive line is truly as talented as I am hyping them up to be. Turner Sproles and Tomlinson all have ~4+ yards per carry and a couple screens and running back passes result in big gains. Rivers or Volek with time will be able to to find Chambers in the end zone, but only if the Chargers running game gets them into the red zone.

Now as for the Patriots on offense, the Chargers will win this one if Brady has a Manning like performance. He doesn’t need to throw 6 interceptions but it would help out a lot if Merriman got in for a few early sacks. Confusing Brady won’t help because he has too many weapons. I’ve analyzed and scoped out the entire San Diego defense attempting to find a scheme that will prevent Welker from being free but I still cannot find one.


Wes Welker, as I have said all year, is the best white wide receiver in the NFL, hands down. If the Chargers cover Moss and Stallworth, there is no one left that can match up against Welker. And Welker is a tough kid, quick slants followed by a pounding by the San Diego linebacking core won’t bug him at all. And those middle of the field gains will open up the running game which will open up the flood gates for the Patriots. The only foreseeable way of preventing this slaughtering from occurring would be to supply Brady with enough zone blitzes that when he decides to fire down the middle to Welker, a lineman has dropped back into coverage just enough to swat or tip the ball. If Brady is under pressure he won’t be able to fire the long ball to Moss and the running game will not be an issue. But there is the 5-15 yard pass that Brady throws all too well to Moss and Welker that could be the demise of the Chargers.

Condensing my statements into a single line; the Chargers will win if their lines outduel the Patriots lines and they stop the short and middle passes; while the Patriots will win if ANYTHING clicks for them haha.

If the Chargers’ D prevails: SD 24 NE 23


If Welker is the man : NE 38 SD 13

Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better (USC-UCLA Basketball Edition)

"Trojans go to the Rose Bowl; Bruins go to the Final Four."

Take your picks, fans! The Battle for Los Angeles is back again this weekend. No, not the Lakers vs. the Clippers, there's no competition there! Dodgers vs. Angels? Who cares! The season doesn't start for a couple more months! There you go! It's the NCAA Battle for Los Angeles. What's better than a "friendly" competition between the USC Trojans and the UCLA Bruins!


Throughout the fall season, we have seen much hype with USC being #1 and high expectations running wild around that campus, while UCLA....was supposed to be better than the year before. Fortunately, the city of smog and traffic was happy in that both teams went to a bowl game. USC clobbered Illinois in the Rose Bowl while UCLA lost a tough one to BYU in the Las Vegas Bowl. In the fall, Los Angeles belonged to USC.

That was the past. This is now.

In the winter, Los Angeles belongs to UCLA. The UCLA basketball team was ranked #1 in the nation, a la USC in football. USC was ranked at a certain point in time, but not anymore. This Saturday, the two will clash and the Battle for Los Angeles will revive again!! UCLA is 4-0 in conference play and 16-1 overall, sporting a #4 ranking and just finished beating a fantastic team in Washington State. On the other hand, USC is 1-3 in Pac-10 play and 10-6 overall.

Logically, one would think that UCLA will handle USC in the same way that a fat kid will eat up an entire chocolate cake. But....what if the fat kid decides to commit to a diet? What if OJ Mayo serves up a creampie to Kevin Love? What if Taj Gibson outshoots Josh Shipp? What if Davon Jefferson conquers the Cameroonians in Luc Richard Mbah a Moute and Alfred Aboya? What if the USC bench cheers louder than the fans at Pauley Pavilion? What if the Battle for Los Angeles is a big enough inspiration for the Trojans to upset the Bruins? Heck, what if John Wooden stops signing autographs and uses his magical powers to create an invisible 6th man to help the Bruins on the court?


Only time will tell. So tune in this Saturday at 12:30pm for a college basketball game that will determine bragging rights for the entire city of Los Angeles.

Prediction: UCLA over USC, 71-62

Cal Outshined in Double OT

Damn.

The Cal Bears were looking good this game. But in the end, #22 Arizona State put it down and handled it in double OT.
Damn. 2-3 in the Pac-10 Conference, and 11-5 overall. Not too shabby, right?

Let me break it down.
"Stylin" Ryan Anderson is great.



Cal went as far as being 8 points ahead in the 1st half (I think I'm correct, pardon me b/c I had many and many ounces of beer at the Bear's Lair beforehand. Oh yes, and today's monumental too because I had White Castle burgers for my 1st and probably last time).

End of regulation game: 81-81.
Damn, Arizona St shot that 3 to tie it.

End of 1st OT: 85-85
Damn, Jerome, why couldn't you make that 3?



"Because I'm still basking in all the glory of having been the Pac-10 Player of the Week some weeks AGO"

End of game, 2nd OT: 99-90.
Damn.

All I really remember is my head hurting, Ryan Anderson and Patrick Christopher holding it down for the team, Jerome Randle having a couple of good shots but lots of bad 3's, and dumb fans telling me they couldn't see the game behind my signs. Hey untrue Cal fans, this is what I have to say:

I'm sorry I have spirit and want to support the team, oh and hey, why don't you guys stay the entire game and try to support the team instead of marching out when we're down? Punks, you make me sick.

But bitterness aside, I'm proud of the Bears.

And I'm thinking...our basketball team is better than our football team. Is this a first, in what....5 years??

Sorry to go off tangent, but with our football team, I feel like I'm constantly fighting myself. I love them, but always get struck down. It's like I'm in an abusive relationship. I stay with them, but why? I lose my voice cheering for them. I lose my voice fighting them. So much hope, and sometimes misplaced hope...but constant hope that they will get better and prove my theory right: THAT THEY ARE WORTHY. I mean, this is the story of my life, my loyalty lies with the New Orleans Saints, whose one successful season was last year. Then the Sacramento Kings. Don't even get me started about their downfall. And Cal. So much potential, yet so much uncertainty.

Maybe it's the alcohol in my system, and maybe I'll regret what I've written when I wake up at 1 in the afternoon, but like Golden State Warriors fans, I BELIEVE. In due time, in due time we'll be winners. And in due time, Mr. Thomas Fang will be a Cal basketball stud. I feel it, I really do.

Mike Dunleavy Came Back With a Vengeance, and Guess What? He Doesn't Suck Anymore

"I remember when he would miss these."

Before Mike Dunleavy Jr left the Bay Area for good, he was a rather hot topic for me and my friends when we discussed what was up with Golden State. And by hot topic, I mean it was fun to talk shit about him, because, let’s face it, he stunk. Really stunk. Sofia Coppola in Godfather III stunk. Yeah, he was THAT bad.

In fact, during Warriors games, every time MDJ would enter the floor, it would be Mike Dunleavy Jr bashing hour. This was very fun, sometimes even more fun than paying attention to the actual game. The only exception was our friend, who will be called E. She was an actual Dunleavy fan, something that baffles me even until today. In any case, these bashing sessions produced many countless gems, such as these:

“Mike Dunleavy Jr doesn’t make shots, he makes misses.”

“Mike Dunleavy Jr is the white man’s Joe Smith.”

“The only thing the Warriors can trade Dunleavy for is a bag of peanuts, and even that is more useful than him!”

“Mike Dunleavy makes plays as often as Alex Smith makes touchdown passes, and trust me, that ain’t often.”

“More like Mike Dun LEAVE please.”

“The bench is the only position Dunleavy plays well at.”

And finally….

“You fuckin’ suck Dunleavy!”

You get the picture. You can imagine the elation we all felt when Dunleavy was traded to the Pacers and we in turn got Stephen Jackson. Yay! The year went on and the Warriors made the playoffs and you know the story. It looked like all of our insults were justified.

At the beginning of the year, me and my friends had an NBA Fantasy Draft. I wasn’t able to make it to the draft, so I put it to auto-draft. A few days later I went online to check out my team, and guess who I got stuck with? Mike Dunleavy Jr. “Son of a bitch,” I thought to myself.

Boy did I think wrong. Dunleavy is easily having his best year in his career, which up to now hasn’t been that impressive. Right now he averages 17 points and 5 rebounds a game, which is way up from when he was only averaging 11 points with GS. To top it off, yesterday the somewhat lowly Pacers beat the Warriors thanks to Dunleavy’s 24 points that he scored against his former teammates. What the hell?

Now the Warriors have a history when it comes to players leaving Golden State and becoming bigger stars with other teams. Chris Webber, Tim Hardaway, Gilbert Arenas, Antawn Jamison, and Larry Hughes are to name a few. Dunleavy can now join that list. And for all the hazing and hating that I displayed against MDJ, all I can say now is kudos to you Dunleavy. Maybe our friend E saw something that we could never see. (She’s probably some secret NBA know it all by night) So fly whiteboy, fly.

The 1 To Watch, DeSean Enters the Draft

"Once a Golden Bear, always a Golden Bear."

"When I was a student at Long Beach Poly, my family and I had an opportunity to go through the Major League Baseball recruiting process. We had to weigh the pros and cons on entering the draft and forego my college experience. It was a very difficult decision, but at the end of the day, I was not mentally or emotionally prepared.

A coupe of months prior to that, my family and I made a decision that would change my life forever. After a long and exhausting football recruiting process, we decided to leave Los Angeles and not sign with USC. Instead we chose Cal Berkeley to get a great education and to play college football at the same time. It was not a popular decision, but it was the right decision. I appreciate the University of California for accepting me and allowing me to showcase my talents and for the support everyone has shown during that time.

Now three years later, my family and I are faced with another emotional and exhausting decision. Each decision gets harder and more difficult! My teammates at Cal are my family. The counselors are my family. The professors are my family. The fans at Cal are my family and Coach Jeff Tedford is my family.

After considering the pros and cons, the strategic evaluating process that my family and I have experienced and THE BLESSINGS FROM GOD ABOVE, have helped make the decision clear. The last two weeks have been physically and emotionally tough and exhausting. There have been a lot of sleepless nights! This was a tough decision.

At this time, I have decided to forego my senior season at Cal and enter the NFL Draft."

That, ladies and gentlemen, was the official statement of Cal junior standout wide receiver, DeSean "The 1 To Watch" Jackson's intention to forego his senior year and become an elite NFL wide receiver.

Being a Cal alum and die-hard Cal fan, it is hard to see such a talent leave, yet anxious to see what he has to give in the NFL. One of the most exciting players to watch in college football, a la 6 punt return touchdowns, most in Cal and Pac-10 history. That is why he is projected to be the top junior wide receiver in the NFL draft, gone in the first round. But, most importantly, thank GOD he chose Cal over USC. *Whew* close call there, DeSean. As you can see here in the picture people, he is the thunder and lightning by the bay.

No joking around in this post people, because this is the REAL deal. DeSean Jackson IS the real deal. A note to the NFL and all the other teams who aren't going to have DeSean Jackson....WATCH OUT.....

"...there's a hurricane coming through!"

Last but not least, always and forever, bleeding blue and gold, GO BEARS!

Ten NBA Players That Can Fill the Void From Bynum's Injury

It’s tough when any team loses a player to injury. It’s even tougher when that player is a rising star who’s having one of his most productive years. Enter Andrew Bynum. Yes, the Lakers were dealt a serious blow when they found out the Bynum was going to be injured all the way until mid March. The good news? It leaves a roster spot available for any type of free agent signing. Yeah, it’s not very good news.

With the potential to sign any free agent out there, I decided to make a list of players who the Lakers may want to take a look at. Now, I realize they could just call someone up from the D-League or perhaps deal a trade, but that’s no fun, and much too complicated for my poor brain to figure out. This list doesn’t limit itself to centers as well. Lastly, I am not Stephen A. Smith. Trust me though, that is a very, very good thing. My forte lies in football, but I figured it would be a good old time to compile this list. So enjoy!

1) Chris Webber, PF/C
The man is a known producer. Helped the Pistons improve on their record last year. He would be an ideal replacement for Bynum because of his experience as a PF/C. The main negative is that he also carries his “C-Webb” persona, which could cause a potential nuclear strike if paired with Kobe.

2) PJ Brown, PF
The poor man’s Chris Webber. Older, less skilled, and probably more out of shape, but most importantly, cheaper. Even though he said he’s done with his career, but perhaps the Lakers can convince him at one more go around.

3) Michael Olowokandi, C
Though Sports Illustrated named him #3 in their lists of the biggest busts in NBA history (ouch), he could sign with the Lakers by default. Has the experience at center, and very seldom showed signs that he could be the player everyone wanted him to be.

4) Kelvin Cato, PF/C
More of a role player than anything else, but he could get the job done as being a temporary replacement for Bynum. Good rebounding skills and like the other guys on this list, has experience.

5) Linton Johnson, PF/C
Not a fossil (finally). Tough defender and aggressive rebounder. Might be too obscure for Laker fans to accept, though.

6) Marc Jackson, C
Currently, he’s playing in the European leagues, so I’m not too sure how available he’ll be. However, he is still listed as a free agent. Known for taunting the Mavericks’ bench while leading his team to an awe inspiring 29 point loss. Classic.

7) Allan Houston, SG
Was rumored to make a comeback, the rumored not to, then rumored again to make one, and finally rumored not to again. Let’s try to extend the pattern.

8) Kevin Willis, C
Hey don’t laugh! Yeah, he’s old, REAL old. And he was on Pros vs. Joes. But he still did average 8.4 rebounds a game, and might be the father figure that the young Lakers could look up to.

9) Kobe Bryant, SG
Okay, so technically not a free agent, but with 48 points yesterday, do they really need someone else? The answer is no.

10) Vlade Divac, C
Why the hell not?

Well Done, San Diego, Well Done

"Good luck next week."

I’ve been known to have been rather snide in my comments toward the San Diego Chargers on this blog. Sometimes it just comes natural to post jokes at their expense because it’s just so easy. These jokes come in many forms. There was the time when the second coming of Marty Schottenheimer was apparent thanks to the bumbling start the Chargers had at the beginning of the season. There was also the time where I envisioned Shawne Merriman as a roided freak ready to tombstone piledrive Jeff Fisher to the ground after a supposed “hit” Jeff had put on Shawne. Plus, there’s classic Philip Rivers is a douche joke, which seems to get more and more popular by the minute.

Sadly, the reason I poke fun at the Bolts so much is because there is a lot of truth in the insults that I thrown down. Before this season started, Norv Turner really was known as just that guy who would bring teams to the ground yet amazingly would still get head coaching positions left and right. He was kind of like the Nickelback of the NFL, no talent, yet would always seem to get a shot at the money.

Shawne Merriman also deserved his share of the razz. Here is a guy who got caught and suspended for using steroids, yet hardly receives the scrutiny that Roger Clemens or Barry Bonds gets. Also, the nickname “lights out” is somewhat ridiculous for its over the top violence.

And let’s not forget about Philip Rivers.

Let’s face it; the guy really is a douche. Yesterday, after Billy Volek lead the game winning drive; one would think that Philip Rivers would be sharing the moment of glory with his teammates, celebrating on the side line. Nope. Not PR. Instead, CBS cuts to him running to the Indianapolis fans taunting the hell out of them. Real classy Phil. That, coupled with his several standoffs during the season, proves that Rivers really does deserve his douchy reputation.

Yet, for all of the reasons that I find it hard for to support them, I couldn’t really help it but to cheer for them yesterday. Being from California, it would just be nice to see something good happen in California football. This season has been pretty much a disaster for all of football in California. The obvious low points are the Niners and the Raiders, but even in college, people just failed to live up to the expectations. Cal went from a #2 team to barely obtaining a winning record. UCLA was also a team high with hope, being ranked in the top 25. That quickly fell apart after Utah dismantled them early in the season. Let’s not even mention the Las Vegas Bowl.

Even USC was a mild bummer. Sure, they destroyed Illinois in the Rose Bowl, but let’s not forget this was a team that was supposed to be a national champion. That quickly went away the moment Stanford scored their winning touchdown against them at USC. Unbelievable.

That’s why yesterday when I was watching the game, I actually watched it as if I really cared about who was going to win, because I did care! I had nothing invested in Charger football the whole season, but for those 60 minutes, when the Chargers and Colts changed leads 5 times, I was tuned in. And when Peyton overthrew Dallas Clark, and the Chargers sealed the win, I was actually glad. Funny how that works.

And boy, they actually played well. Merriman is normally solid, but I was really impressed with Rivers and Norv. For such a high profile game, Rivers looked smooth. His passes were accurate, and he brushed off the loud noise like it was nothing. Three touchdown passes speak for themselves. Norv? Well the so called “loser” was able to pull out a victory in the end WITHOUT his starting quarterback or All Pro running back. Impressive.

So does this mean that all of that is going to fade away the moment the Chargers step into Foxboro this Sunday? Hell no. For the remainder of this season, I am now a Chargers fan, and I would like nothing more than to see the Chargers pull out a victory and punch the collective faces of all the Patriot fans out there. I like Tom Brady, but he’s the only thing I like about the Pats. Coach Bill is an asshole, simple as that, and Patriot fans are hard to tolerate all the time. You New Englanders like to brag? Why weren’t you bragging when Brett Favre dismantled in Superbowl XXXI? Where were you guys those years that Pete Caroll was stinking it up for your team? If Tom Brady had never stumbled on to your lap (and that would have been easy with a healthy Bledsoe back in 2001), the Patriots would still be what the Tampa Bay Bucs are today. Good enough in their crappy division, but not good enough to win. Thus, even though it may be a long shot, I want to see San Diego go all the way.

Besides, it’s a match up between a douche and an asshole, and douches are always more entertaining to watch because of their douchery. That’s why I cheered for Rex Grossman last year instead of Peyton Manning.

Let's just hope Philip fares better than Rex did.

LA Kings Win a Close Shutout Against Dallas (Anyone See It?)

"This looks ummm, uncomfortable."

Whoo! Yesterday, the world was treated to an awesome hockey game between the Kings and Stars. It came down to a shootout. I love the fact that the NHL implemented shootouts. No more pussy ties for me! Lou Holtz once said that "Ties are like kissing your sister, it's no good." I couldn't agree more.

There was a lot of fun plays that included a 5 on 3 situation that the Kings were able to get out of.

Ultimately, it came down to the shoot out.

And with the night's hero, Patrick O' Sullivan's, goal, the victory was sealed. Good job guys!

Wait you didn't see it? The game was great, how could you not? What was everyone else doing.....?

Oh, that's right. Fuckin' Patriots.

Here We Go Again, Another Week of Ridiculous Matchups

"The OG From Serra High."

NOTE: Last week u12 was an amazing 4-0 in his pics and 4-0 AGAINST the spread. See so yourself. Can he do it again this week...?

Here we go again, another week of ridiculous matchups in what looks to be another solid weekend of playoff football.

Seattle Vs Green Bay
Seattle showed nothing in last week’s performance that impressed me. Albeit I stated last week that Bobby Engram has revived his career and no Redskins defense can stop Shaun Alexander, that was all because the game was in Seattle. No 13th man on defense, no home turf, no comfort zone. In Green Bay where it is going to be freezing, the Seahawks should struggle. I know Seattle is cold too, but its not Green Bay cold. And the Packers have a solid defense. Their secondary, lead by Oakland’s finest Charles Woodson, will be ready for the challenge of old man Engram and company. I don’t think Hasselback has it in him to play 2 solid games; let alone one since he didn’t play well last week. I don’t think Favre will have an entirely great game either, but I think a balanced running game will be enough to let Favre throw a couple of his quick passes for scores.
Green Bay 24 Seattle 13

Jags vs Pats
*I would like to note that I for this game I will have two scores; one a biased pick on what I hope will happen and another on what I realistically think will happen.

The Patriots went 16-0. They had a couple scares but managed to pull off the W week in and week out. Analyzing some of the teams that did give the Pats a scare I came to the following conclusions: the Patriots are weakest against a strong up-the-middle style rushing team and the Patriots are just as weak against a team with a solid secondary. The Jags have both. No one runs better up the middle than Fred Taylor. Few know that. Fred Taylor has been quoted recently as saying his main objective is to hit the hole as hard as possible and then find a way to make a cut; always trusting his front line before relying on his own footwork. And its been proven success. Hes not the best runner in the world, but he may have one of the better offensive lines in the NFL. And Maurice Drew is just a beast. He’s dangerous on returns as well as taking hand offs. He’s shown us here in Westwood how bad Dorrell really is, considering hes outperforming Bush miserably and Bush was deemed the king of LA (screw that haha).
And the Jags’ secondary isn’t too shabby either. I know they let up against the Steelers and allowed that comeback but when they were on, they looked unstoppable.
With all that said, the Patriots still have the most electric offense in the NFL, and a front 8 that can match if not outperform the Jags’ front offensive line. And with all that said, the game will be decided right in the neutral zone; the team with the better push off the line will win the game. That is, if the Jags’ offensive line can out muscle the Patriots defense line, the Jags will win. And, if the Jags’ defensive line can put pressure on Tom Brady, the Jags will win. And vice versa for both conditions.
I believe Tom Brady is a great quarterback. But I would like to see him throw against a solid secondary when he is under pressure.

BIAS:Jags 27 Patriots 24
Unbiased: Patriots 30 Jags 20


Chargers vs Colts
Again, I am biased. I’ll be wearing my UCSD Football: Still Undefeated shirt underneath my T.O. jersey on Sunday.
Peyton is the man. He’s always been and always will be. Marvin Harrison is a grandfather. Bob Sanders is by far the defensive player of the year and the award was rightfully delivered. But this is a different Chargers team, even from the won that beat the Colts earlier this season. Chambers is nicely adjusted now. They’ve finally figured out that it’s smart to give LT the damn ball. And the defense, thanks to the offense staying on the field longer, is energized even in the 4th quarter. With confidence I would put my money on San Diego except that Antonio Gates is injured. That’s huge for the Colts since they can apply pressure to the run and Rivers without worrying about the short passes turning into long gains; a threat that only Gates can present.
The colts will be ready on both offense and defense. They’ll apply a lot of pressure to Rivers; LT will get shut down once again; and the specials teams unit will be insignificant. YET, in spite of all this I say the Chargers will win. LT may not have 100 yards in the game; he probably won’t even have 50 yards but he will have a touchdown and he will produce in the red zone. Phillip Rivers will be troubled all day, but I think he’ll throw smart passes and ensure that HE doesn’t ruin SD’s chances of victory. Manning won’t throw 6 interceptions this time for sure but he will not be very productive. The running game will be stagnant. Clark and Wayne will be phenomenal but even then, I think this close game will end on a Nick Kaeding game winning field goal.
San Diego 24 Colts 21


GAME OF THE WEEK!
Dallas vs Giants
I know I’m a huge fan and all but they should change their name to the Hollywood Cowboys. Romo and Jessica Simpson in Cancun; questions floating over whether Terry Glenn is back to full speed; even more questions floating over whether Owens’ injury will keep him out or limited in the game. Yet, here we are, 60 some hours before the game and the hype has only lead me to withstand a series of heart attacks.
If Romo, a healthy Owens, and a healthy Glenn were on the field, with no fear I would call this game over in the 1st half; final score being 41-14. However these injuries will make all the impact in the world for the Cowboys. Never is it a good thing to have your star players playing on the field together for the first time in the playoffs. One would much rather have a month to work in with such different speeds and styles that Glenn and Owens present. Yet it is that same aspect that could cause the Giants to be on their heels the whole game; Glenn and Owens are very dangerous and very different…so how do you cover them both while applying pressure to the run and Romo? The Giants cannot win this game if Romo sits back in the pocket and has all the time in the world to make a pass. Especially with two running backs that would love to see a less-than 8 man front.
Sadly to say, its really that simple for the Giants to win this game...bring 8 men in the box. The Giants have one of the most dangerous defensive 8’s in the game and if they bring the heat that’ll surely stop the running game from being a factor. With that said it all depends on Romo; if he folds under the pressure or takes too many hits/sacks, it’ll give Eli a golden opportunity to erase all the doubts that have surfaced over his entire career. The Giants can definitely can run up and down the field on the Cowboys; I’ve yet to see the Cowboys stop Plaxico Burress in my entire life haha. I have confidence in Dallas applying pressure and stopping the running game. But if Eli gets hot, with options like Shockey, Burress, and Toomer, Dallas just might find themselves in big trouble.

In the end, it will come down to who is the better quarterback; Romo or Eli. I put my faith in Romo….Even if Jessica is in the audience.
Dallas 27 Giants 23

Hey, What Gives Brett?

"Let me play already, goddamnit!"

I thought we agreed on this man. This year, after you had your one final shot at glory, you would hand the ball over to me and let Green Bay rest on my shoulders. Now I hear rumors that you want to stay one, two, even three more years with the Packers? I know you’re a legend, Brett, but seriously, what gives man?

I thought you were going to call it quits! I even planned your retirement party for you. All your friends would have been there, Ben Stiller, Peter King, Sterling Sharpe, all of them. I was even going to invite Mark Chmura, and I would definitely make sure he would stay away from your daughters. Alan Jackson was even going to come out and do a little country diddy for you. But no, now I’m probably gonna have to cancel all of that shit now. I thought that since you were going to be nice and give a chance to start, that I could throw a party for you. Well guess what? I thought wrong!

Haven’t you had your fun already? I mean, you already won a Superbowl, was named MVP on three separate occasions, got a few passing titles, and even broke Dan Marino’s touchdown record. I would say that’s a pretty awesome career. But let’s face it, you’re old too. Your decisions are sometimes more rash than they were before. You can’t just chuck it down the field and pray that Donald Driver is going to make the catch now. Things aren’t like they were before. Now you have crazy DB’s like Ed Reed and Roy Williams just waiting for their chance to pick you off. And you think your defensive friends, like Strahan, are going to stick around forever? I don’t think so. Instead you have people like Albert Haynesworth ready to flatten your face with his new pair of cleats. I’m just worried that you won’t be able to take the pain. It’d be a shame to see you pull a Trent Green on all of us.

Besides, it’s about time for sports’ REAL A-Rod to come out and make some plays. I’ve been holding this weenie clipboard for three years now man. While you were out there throwing touchdown passes and getting slaps on the butt from our coaches, I was on the sideline, with my dinky little Green Bay cap on throwing passes to the goddamn punter. And every practice, what do I do while you get to scrimmage with Greg Jennings and the crew? I’m stuck back learning from Craig, fuckin’ Nall. What the hell.

I don’t really mean to be disrespectful or anything, Brett, but seriously, my time has come! Wasn’t it obvious when I lead a small comeback during the Dallas game where you decided it would be a great idea to throw it to anyone that WASN’T wearing a Packer jersey? Even though we lost that game in the end, I would say the game was at least won in our hearts. That sounds totally gay, but I’m sticking with it. Can’t the coaches see I’m ready from me breaking my foot in 2006? Isn’t it obvious from how I lead Cal to that awesome loss to Texas Tech in the Holiday Bowl that I’m ready for the pros? It’s Aaron time, bitches!

So Brett, you had a great career, and I hope you do well tomorrow against Seattle. But you’re the past and I’m the present. Next year, Green Bay will only know one name: Aaron.

Just retire, old man. Please, pretty please, with a cherry on top!

Shaq Attack...Back in LA

"I love you man!"

That's right, folks! The Shaq Attack is back in town!! As you have all probably heard, our good ol' pal Kazam has been missing the past 6 games with the Miami Heat. Was our main man being a good American citizen and patrolling the mean streets of Miami? Hecks no! Was he still crying at his mansion because of his failed marriage? Probably not. Did he hide in a basketball cave in Got-ham City to work on his free throws? In your dreams! But you guessed it! Shaq was "rehabbing" in Gotham City because they Got(some)ham...burger, that is.

Let's investigate:

Great investigation guys! Now I totally understand how Shaq-Mac got his hip injury. And that explains his laziness, slowliness, fatness, and cross-eyedness on the court! Man, this all makes perfect sense to me now.

Shaq = hamburger overdose = hip injury = rehab in LA = Shaq secretly crying back to Kobe because the Lakers are actually good = Miami not so good (8-28: worst in the East)

This concludes another episode of True Life: Shaq is Fat

P.S. Allow me to introduce myself as the newest contributor to TPIC, yours truly, Ace. Hope my first post was OK.

CSSY Final Round: Jim Harbaugh vs SJ Sharkie

"Showtime!"

Eight competitors, four weeks, mountains of fictitious accolades. Yep, that’s right, the California Sportsman (or Shark) of the Year Tournament is coming to an end, and coincidently, it is between a man and a shark. This year’s final participants are Jim Harbaugh and SJ Sharkie. It’s been a long tournament that saw plenty of unknowns flounder (Kyle Boller and LB Mbah a Moute), others getting upset (Philip Rivers, Barry Bonds, and Marty Schottenheimer), and of course lots of untranslatable jargon (Don Nelson). Sharkie and Jim have battled through challenger after challenger to reach to this stage. Jim even out douched Philip Rivers, and lemme tell ya, that ain’t easy. Now it’s your turn to vote who should win and get the glory of becoming the CSSY (and have a special spot on The Play in CA Wall of Fame!).

Before the voting gets under way, let’s allow the competitors to have an opportunity to plead why they deserve your vote.

#4 Jim Harbaugh
“Seriously, you’re gonna vote for a Shark over numero quatro over here? That’s crazy talk! It’s me, Jim Harbaugh, man! I lead Stanford to a victory over Cal in the big game. That’s an achievement equal to winning World War II, and I could totally kick Harry Truman and his band of cronies’ asses any day of the week. Hell, this competition is just unfair! You think a little puny, stuffed shark has a chance against me? I could win California sports person of the year or whatever blindfolded. I want a real challenge. Someone nominate me as the greatest person in the history of the universe. I’m sure if a person had a choice between me, Jesus, Abraham Lincoln, and the guy who invented toilet paper, I would win in a landslide! Winning this tournament is just a coming out party in highlighting the greatness of Jim Harbaugh. So vote for me America, because I fuckin’ rule.”

Well put Jim, now here is SJ Sharkie with some of his own words.

#6 SJ Sharkie
“Hey Shark fans! It’s me, good old SJ Sharkie here coming to tell you that I deserve to be California’s greatest sports figure. I’ve done lots of charity work and am always there when San Jose needs me. I’m a great role model for kids and Shark fans alike! I’d really love for all of you Sharksters to give a nod to me, good old Sharkie! If I win the CSSY, I promise to make sure that California becomes a super duper great place for people to watch sports of every kind! Also, if you vote for me, I won’t eat you. Think about how much peace of mind you’ll have knowing that your vote prevented Sharkie from diving into your pool and taking a good Sharkie chomp while you’re swimming. Save yourself and myself the trouble of ever letting this happen, because even though I get hungry, I prefer having to eat fish instead of people. Don’t make me eat you! Vote for me!”

So there you have it. Vote for who you think deserves to win on the section to the left. (Thank god I don’t have to spell Mbah a Moute ever again).

UC Berkeley Football: End of the Season Wrap Up at the Armed Forces Bowl

The Cal Bears ended their season beating the Air Force in the Armed Forces Bowl. Although it didn’t seem to be a sure win as the Air Force handled business first quarter, Cal maximized on their last chance to prove themselves and won. What became a hot topic was how Cal benched star wide receivers Desean Jackson and Robert Jordan along with safety Thomas Decoud the first quarter because of ‘unspecified violations’ of team rules before arriving in Texas.

Probably ____ some ____. (Fill in blanks yourself)
But Cal won, and that’s what matters.


And in retrospect, we see how the season could have been improved and how great the Bears could have and should have been. Cal had wide receivers Jackson, Jordan, and Hawkins and was SUPPOSED to be a crazy threat this season. But once reaching the no. 2 ranking in the nation, Cal got kicked in the ass for probably getting too cocky. And let’s hope losing 6 of their last 7 games was a lesson at humility.

In the end though, it’s ok. But before we dismiss the Cal Bears as inconsistent and overrated, let us take a walk down memory lane.
2006 - 2007: Armed Forces Bowl (W)
2005 - 2006 : Holiday Bowl (W)
2004 - 2005: Las Vegas Bowl (W)
2003 - 2004: Holiday Bowl (L)
2002 - 2003: Insight Bowl (W)
Before this, Cal sucked butt. Big time.

So we lost to Stanford this year. Did we forget we’ve had the ax since 2002? And let’s remember that Tedford has led the Bears to 6 straight winning seasons. Even if that means going to a bowl game no one gives a damn about, it’s still a bowl game. And the purpose of this article is not to praise Tedford, it’s just to point out that Cal’s got a solid football team, and at least Cal isn’t all about academics!

Look at the percentages (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/California_Golden_Bears_football), Tedford is the best thing to have happened to Cal since its very 1st head coach.


So let’s stop the bitchin, stop the complaining, and let’s stand behind the Bears and hope they kick ass next year!

Rod Benson's Blog: Life in the D-League

"His blog is much better than Kathy Griffin's Life on the D-List."

A few weeks ago, I introduced the world to this nugget of Internet joy that I had stumbled upon: Marshawn Lynch's blog. Not only was the blog entertaining and hilarious, it was also devoid of any grammar or proper English what so ever. Still, I can honestly say I enjoyed it to its fullest extent.

However, I did kind of wish that a former Cal athletics alumni would post something that, you know, was a little more clear in what he or she was trying to communicate. Enter Rod Benson. For those of you not familiar with Rod, he was a former Cal basketball center who shared the court with Leon Powe back in 2006. He was an okay player, but not anywhere close to having the kind of future that Powe or Lynch would have.

After a year or so, my memory of him began to fade. That was until I stumbled upon this piece of web gold, his weekly blog entries on Yahoo. Basically, all I did was go to the Yahoo Sports front page for the NBA, and in one of the little sidebars was a Read Benson's blog link. At first, I thought, why the hell would they give Rod a front page link to his little blog? Surely there were many other D-league guys who chronicled their own life at the bottom rung of the NBA ladder. I was skeptical to say the least.

Then I read it.

Not bad I must say. His entries are surprisingly humble, though I guess you really have no choice when you start from scraps. They're also scattered with a bit of humor left and right, even a hint of sarcasm when he reflects the situation he's in. I'd say if he doesn't have a career in basketball, he could at least have one in journalism. And since I'm promoting his blog, maybe he'll hook me up with a position too. Ha! I wish.

So I give my thumbs up for it. Though Marshawn's blog is highly entertaining, Rod's blog is actually readable, which gives it a passing grade from me.

Shawne Merriman is Back, and He's Looking to Get Revenge on You Jeff Fisher!

"This ain't over yet, Jeff."

Oooooo, Jeff Fisher, I can't wait until this Sunday afternoon. You think the Shawne Merriman forget about your little "hit" that you ordered on Lights Out? You gotta remember one thing, Shawne Merriman don't forget anything! Yeah!

I'm gonna go on that field and lay a buffet board of complete bone-breaking, concussion creatin' hits on your sorry candy ass team. I'll be spearing Lendale White and makin' he wish that he was back down at USC. Fuck his fat ass. You think that jelly donut eating joke can make a fool out of #56? Hell no!

Vince Young? Pssht. He's an all right player, but once he gets a taste of ass whoopin courtesy of me, he ain't never wanna come back to play on that San Diego. This is my house! You don't bring your weak ass side arm throwing motion in here. There's only room for one douchebag quarterback in San Diego, and his name ain't Vince Young. It be Philip Rivers, biatch.

After I demolish your pussy quarterback and send him back to the sideline, Jeff, you probably think that you got it all covered huh? You're probably thinking to yourself, it's okay, Kerry Collins will come in and save the day like he did last week. Wrong bitch, dead wrong.

If you don't remember, I used to sack Kerry Collins's retirement home bitch ass left and right when he played for the Raiders. I remember he would drop back for a pass, thinking it was nice and safe. He'd look left and right, probably trying to see and open Jerry Porter go down the field for an open pass. After a few seconds he would get comfortable, thinking that no one is gonna get him. Then...

BOOM BITCH!

You're gonna go down faster than Jeff Garcia at a male strip club. Kerry is gonna feel a world of pain if he decides to come into my house with weak ass game.

After I'm done with your two QB's, my sights are gonna be set to you, Fisher. I've been waiting weeks for this. When I heard that there as a chance that you could be playing us in the playoffs. I prayed that Indianapolis would lose so I would get a chance to bring you the pain, mothafucka! Then, it was a strict regiment of training so that when I get the chance to take you out, it would be done right!

Don't think I'm gonna just come out and get you on the field though. No. That'd be too obvious, and the zebras and Nazi-like commissioner Goodell would fine my ass back to the stone age. I got something better planned.

Just wait until we whoop your sorry Tennessee ass and you're out at the parking lot. You'll think that there's nothing to worry about, that the game is over and you're all safe. You click the unlock button on your Ford Escort, and start to get into the car, when all of a sudden...

BOOM BITCH!

Shawne Merriman just came out of the trunk and piledrived your bitch ass on the car roof. Yeah! I never forget fool!

So just remember Jeff to get ready for a world as ass whoopin, because Shawne Merriman is gonna get you!

BOOM BITCH!!!

TPIC's Wild Card Weekend Preview

Hey there

Wild Card Weekend!!!! Wow, and it feels like just last weekend I was watching Romo torch the Giants for 345 yards and 4 tds. With a lot of good matchups this weekend Id like to share some insight on what to look in the playoff games this weekend.

Washington vs. Seattle

The Redskins are the Cinderella story of this season. For the Redskins to make it into the playoffs, despite Sean Taylor’s death and several key injuries, is amazing. To bolster up the confidence to completely shut down Dallas in the final week of the season showed heart and character. Unfortunately for the Redskins, they are playing the Seahawks in Seattle. Heart and character aside, the Seahawks just don’t lose in Seattle. With a 7-1 regular season record at home, a matured Hasselback behind center, and a complete defense, it doesn’t seem likely that the Redskins will make this even close. I know this going against the public’s opinion, as well as many analysts, but I really don’t see the Redskins clicking offensively. Clinton Portis is good, Santana Moss is great, but what if they come out and can’t complete a pass. Everyone know Seattle is going to prevent Portis from having a 100 yard game, so the rest is up to whoever is playing QB for the Redskins and their only two potential threats; Chris Cooley and Santana Moss. And on the other side, with the resurgence of Bobby Engram this season, how are the Redskins going to cover all of the Seahawks’ receivers as well as keep 8 in the box to prevent Shaun Alexander from breaking free? The numbers just don’t add up for me for the Redskins and I see this as a convincing win for the Seahawks, 24-13.

New York vs. Tampa Bay

Let me begin by saying I hate New York. Sorry to a certain fan chillen down at USD’s Law School right now but I just do not like this team. Eli is one cocky SOB, I’m still not over how big of a jerk Tiki Barber was, and I just can’t stand Jeremy Shockey. With that in mind, I cannot see the Bucs as the favorite in this game. Yes Jeff Garcia is back and badder than he was when he was airing it out for SJSU. Yes Joey Galloway is back too, and badder than…well he was never bad with Dallas. And yes, still no one has really heard of Earnest Graham. Nevertheless, I don’t see Tampa Bay being such a favorite in this game because of their dwindling defense. If Eli has a good day and can actually get the ball into Shockey and Burress, I really find it hard to believe that Tampa’s defense, with an aging Derrick Brooks, will be able to stop them. And that’s just the passing game, who is going to stop Brandon Jacobs? I do like Gruden and I think Garcia’s maturity will benefit the Bucs; so I believe the game will be close. However, I’m giving the edge to the Giants, 20-14.

Tennessee vs. San Diego.

I'll save my words for this game. Is Vince Young the man? Can the Chargers win a playoffs game? Was I right when I said Chris Chamber’s was the biggest acquisition of the year and the Chargers will severely benefit from it in the post season? All will be answered on Sunday, when the Chargers win 31-10.

BLOCKBUSTER GAME OF THE WEEK

Jacksonville vs. Pittsburgh

I can’t promise this game will be the most exciting game of the week; but it by far has the most hype coming into the Sunday matchup. Pittsburgh was once considered the front runner among teams in the NFL that could defeat the Patriots. Then they got cocky, said a lot of nonsense, and got their asses squashed. Nevertheless, they still look like a solid team. Hines Ward is a go getter, he’s by far one of the most reliable receivers in the NFL. Big Ben looks sharp, and has been doing a great job of distributing the ball to his receivers, ends, and backs. Davenport has filled in nicely and can do damage in the playoffs. And the Steelers defense is always good. However, that’s the key word; good. They aren’t the elite or the greatest defense like they were once feared to be. And the Jaguars are not let up. Drew and Taylor are both amazing backs and they really don’t care what defense they are playing against. They run hard and right between the guards; and that’s how you succeed in the NFL. Sorry for Reggie Bush fans but you can’t just bounce around dodging and diving around players like you can in college. And that’s why the Jaguars appear to be the most dangerous team in the AFC, next to the Patriots. The Steelers will have their hand tied up with the Jags running game, especially if Garrard is on point with his passing. If the Steelers can’t put 8 in the box I really don’t see how they are going to stop the Jags’ running game. And if they can’t at least slow down the running game, I really don’t see the Steelers winning this game. Even if Big Ben fires up and down the field and lights up the scoreboard, which he won’t because the Jaguars defense is no joke; there is no way they’ll be able to win a shootout unless they stop the running game. The key is in the time of possession; if the Jaguars are running well they are eating up time off the clock. That means the Steelers defense will be very tired towards the end of the game and the Steelers offense will be out of rhythm for being off the field for too long; giving the Jags the edge. All in all, the game is going to be decided by the Jaguars’ running game. I for one like my Bruins and so I see Drew having a solid performance, resulting in a Jaguars 20-10 victory.

Oh yeah and if you get time...watch this movie

http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/

it’s a little slow for the first 5-10 minutes but it is really worth watching

Game Journal For College Basketball: USC vs Cal

" Live from the game."

7:20: Game begins with the national anthem, and a violinist is performing it by himself. Only at Berkeley, with its pseudo intellect, would such an out of place national anthem occur.

7:27: Warm-ups begin. Me and my friend cheer for Thomas Fang solely based on the fact that he’s Asian. Cal then takes it in for a huddle with Randle in the middle. I’m not really sure why. USC has not huddle and they just stand around aimlessly. Lame.

7:35: OJ Mayo is introduced. Beast!

7:37: Tip off, USC wins it but pass to Mayo is picked off immediately.

7:40: USC’s Davon Jefferson scrubs. Hardwood meet face. Cal gets the turnover and Hardin dunks it. First points of the game go to Cal.

7:50: Patrick Christopher lays a dish to Hardin. He makes it and gets the foul. And one. Tim Floyd looks dismayed. Ben Braun looks…. Well like Ben Braun.

7:51: Mayo is on the line and makes it. Basically, he’s the only USC player I care for.

7:55: A bunch of USC fans behind us begin cheering for USC. Unfortunately, the only words they know is “Yeah” ala Little John. Someone informs them it’s not 2004 anymore.

8:00: David Liss is in early for Cal. Who? Yeah, exactly. Shit. I begin to cry.

8:03: Cal is up by 6. I make sure I’m not dreaming or on acid.

8:07: Randle shoots a 3, and now Cal is up by 11. Time out by USC. Tim Floyd gives a passionate for Tim Floyd kind of speech. This means a lot of calm, subdued disappointment. Ben Braun gives a non passionate talk to his guys. This entails a lot of yelling and whiny faces.

8:15: Worst officiating ever. A foul call is made when there clearly wasn’t one. Damn.

8:27: USC is rallying a comeback. OJ Mayo hits the last 2 pts of the half. Score is Cal 38, USC 32.

8:28: Officials are booed heavily off the court. I’m hoping someone becomes a hero and runs on the court to punch one of them in the face. It doesn’t happen.

8:30: Half time activity: Towel parachuting. They attached towels to little parachutes and send them down from the catwalk. Makes me wish it was beer instead, like they did on the Simpsons when Homer tried to stay sober for a month.

8:40: Game starts again. 4 pts for USC out of the gate. Nuts.

8:45: Cal responds with a 7-0 run. My friend argues they are playing Warrior style basketball. I beg to differ.

8:55: Cal’s Harper Kamp misses and open 1 fter. He was literally under the basket. Nice shot.

9:01: Randle, Wilkes, and Anderson all nail threes consecutively. Impressive, considering two of them are big men.

9:13: Cal 69, USC 65. Insert immature 69 joke here.

9:17: Mop man lingers on the court while Cal and USC are still playing. Get off the court mop man!

9:22: Kids in front of us taunt Mayo, asking if he wants some Mayo with that sandwich. Cute. Not especially funny or making sense, but cute.

9:25: Hardin finishes it up with a dunk. Game Over. Cal wins.

THE END

I Wish The Holidays Were Longer (The Mavs Beat The Warriors By The Way)

"A bit too much, eh?"

Then days after New Years are often a strange, limbo like time period for a lot of people. It’s not quite the holidays anymore, but for some reason it still feels like it. I believe the main explanation for this is because people don’t put away their Christmas decorations. It’s kind of odd. After Halloween, people pretty much stow away all their ghosts, fake tombstones, and pumpkins in the garage so that they can use it next year. Christmas is entirely different though.
You all know what I’m talking about. You’ll go over to a friend’s house on January 12, and you’ll still see their Christmas Tree displayed in their living room. Or maybe you’ll drive by your street and you’ll see that every other house still have Christmas lights hanging around on the roof.

Hell, some people even have their Christmas lights on all the way until July. I guess the smart thing to do would be to just get Christmas lights that are only red, white, and blue. Then, you can just display the lights on July 4 and call them Independence lights. Then again, maybe not, especially in California, because you’ll look like some super patriot during Christmas. If there’s anything that Californians hate more, it’s America. I kid, I kid, but we all know that statement is semi true.

Sometimes I wonder why people are so hesitant to put down their Christmas stuff as opposed to their Halloween stuff. The answer is quite simple: Christmas is not a depressing holiday. I mean, would you really want tombstones to be littered on your lawn for an extended amount of time? I don’t think so.

So you’re saying that skeleton on your door doesn’t bring you cheer? That’s crazy talk!
The simple fact is Christmas is a fun holiday. It makes you forget about how menial and boring your normal life is and makes you realize how great life could be if all your family and friends were around all the time, you didn’t have to work, and you can eat gingerbread cookies everyday of the year. Oh what a life that would be. I plan to have this kind of life because I’m sure all those “winning the lotto” lessons will pay off sooner or later.

I know how obvious this argument is, but hey, it’s been a long day, and it’s barely started. It’s okay, I’m not the only one with a long morning.

Yesterday, the Warriors got shut down by the Mavericks. Really shut down. So shut down that Baron Davis was only 2-14 on the night. Guess he was lamenting about Christmas too.

The Mavs, particularly Dirk, just dominated us. I suppose he’s just letting off some incredible steam against all the Warriors and the nay sayers that doubted his MVP award after the Warriors’ upset of last season. It’s okay thought, all GS needs is an 8th seed, and we’ll ride that pony all the way to the finals. We better, or Stephen Jackson will start beating up some Piston fans again.

2008 Rose Bowl Proves Pac 10 vs. Big 10 Tradition Should Be Eliminated

"There's always next year."

Hey Rose Bowl Committee, pat yourself on the back. Thanks to you geezers, I had to sit through four quarters of a USC laying a complete ass whooping on Illinois. Correction, I watched about three quarters of it, up until Fred Davis caught a 2 yard touchdown pass from John David Booty. Then I knew the game was over.

When USC scored the first 14 points, I thought hey, this might be fun. I’ll get to see a lot of touchdowns. Little did I know I was only kidding myself, because once the game got longer and longer, it also became more boring to watch. Where the hell was the competition? I expected to see a competitive game, not USC vs. Arizona St part duex.

This is no knock to Illinois. They certainly deserved their number #13 rank by beating teams like Ohio St and Wisconsin. They just didn’t deserve to be in the Rose Bowl. In my personal opinion, no team ranked lower than #12 deserves to be in any BCS bowl game. Illinois shares no blame at all for showing up.

The only people to blame for the mismatch are those Rose Bowl fogies who still love to hold on to that tradition of the Big-10 versus the Pac-10. Guess what dinosaurs (and mildly middle aged committee members who think like dinosaurs) tradition is dead. If it was still alive, USC might have well just played Ohio State and the national champ could be decided by the polls. Does that sound fun? No, it doesn’t. It sounds as retarded as the current BCS system.

In fact, since we’re sticking with tradition, why don’t we just bring leather helmets back too? They look so cool on the Heisman trophy, I’m sure they would be just as popular if they were reinstated again.

I mean there could be a semi tradition of trying to keep either a Pac 10 or Big 10 team in there, but it doesn’t have to be a necessity to have both playing.

So who should have played in the Rose Bowl instead? That’s easy. Cal.

A Cal-USC rematch would have been awesome to watch. Instead of USC scoring 49 points, they can score 90. NCAA football records would be broken left and right.

Just kidding. So who should have really been in the Rose Bowl instead? Georgia.

It would have been like watching a second National Championship game, a game that might even be more exciting to watch than the current one. Imagine Georgia’s defense going up against a top notch offense, and I’m not talking about some fruity air finesse offense like Hawaii. I’m talking about a real pound it out with our running back and keep you in check with our passing game offense. It would have been stellar.

But noooo, such an intense match up would question the sanctity of the precious BCS System and bring even more discussion about the p-word. Yes, people would start talking about… gasp… a playoff system. To quote Jim Mora, “PLAYOFFS??!! PLAYOFFS?!?!!”

Damnit.

Speaking of Hawaii, they really stunk it up yesterday. It wasn’t their fault though, they, like Illinois, just got placed in the wrong game. Georgia’s D-line was way to powerful for the Hawaii O-line to pick up. Poor Colt Brennan looked like David Carr in his rookie year. That’s a bad thing in more ways than one.

That’s why Georgia should have played USC in the Rose Bowl and a team that was deserving of a BCS game yet slightly less talented than UGA could have played in the Sugar Bowl. A team like Missouri. Hawaii versus Mizzou would have been awesome to watch.

What can you do though? Hopefully with all the bitching from sports writers and bloggers like myself, the Rose Bowl Committee will get the point. I highly doubt it though. I’m pretty sure those guys are too busy playing croquet and driving Ford Model T’s to listen to the fans. Guess we just have to get over it.

As you can see, this post is devoid of the usual dick jokes you read on this blog because seriously, that was a shitty game yesterday.

Happy New Year From Kobe Bryant

Hope everyone out there had a safe new year. Now that I've scored 20,000 pts and LA is looking aight, I'm a happy man. Let's go out there and make 2008 great.
....
....
....
.... really let's make it great. What, you thought I would say something mean and selfish. Not me. No sir. I'm a team player and the only team I want to play for is team Laker Nation.
....
....
.... still not gonna do anything.
....
.... yup.
....
....
.... fine, fine, I'll just say something so it won't be awkward. Um. Um. Fuck Shaq. D-wade too. Happy? Good. Happy New Year!