Tim Lincecum, Winner Among Losers

Timmmmmmyyyyyyyyy!!! The Little Engine That Could.

Move over, Steve Francis, this is the real FRANCHISE.

Who would've thought, being one of the worst teams in baseball, the San Francisco Giants had a little diamond gem in them. And all those writers talking about Brandon Webb, C.C. Sabathia, Brad Lidge, yada yada yada. It wasn't even close. Even Cy Young himself would've came back from the dead and hand the award to Tim Lincecum himself.

Look in the dictionary for dominance, and you will find the face of Tim Lincecum.

As Tim Lincecum found out that he was in fact the Cy Young Award winner and that he would be the cover boy of MLB 2K9, he sat in his locker room to try to prepare a little short thank you speech to share with the world:


First and foremost, I'd like to thank my family for supporting me the whole way. I also like to thank the entire Giants organization for believing in me and giving me the opportunity to pitch in the major leagues. I'd like to thank all my past coaches for guiding me to the right path in life. Most of all, I want to thank all the fans out there for supporting the Giants and myself.

But for reals, what is wrong with my team? Why do we suck so much? And why am I making only pennies compared to Barry Zero? I practically won a quarter of the games for the entire team this whole season! And they were thinking about trading me for Alex Rios?! Are you kidding me? Alex freaking Rios?! This Cy Young Award oughta shut the whole front office up.

Dude, if they're not going to do anything to improve the team, what am I doing here? My buddy Matt Cain needs some run support man! I swear, if this season continues the way it's been going for the past 2 years, I'm just going to say screw it to 4/5 of the season and just come to the ballpark whenever I need to every 5th day. Pitch a day, party a week, pitch another day, party another week. I'd be living the life.

Man, come to think about it, my speech really sucks. I have nothing clever to talk about. I can't really thank the fans for 30 minutes. Nobody is going to read this shitty speech either. Can't I just hold up the damn award and the press can snap some photos and publish it? I wish I was home right now playing with my 360. I have to continue my streak of striking out 263 straight batters after creating 5 clones of myself, and while making myself play every position, batting a nice .750, with 217 homers and 821 RBIs at the All-Star break. I'm telling you, I'm unbeatable in my own game. YOU CAN'T STOP ME!

OK, enough of this crap. Congratulations, Timmy. You're the best pitcher in the world. I'm glad you're with the Giants. Keep pitching the way you are and you will win the MVP award, and a World Series title. Guaranteed.