Thank You AP Voters, You Have Screwed Us Over

I’m not sure if any of you Cal fans have noticed that there is a disturbing trend happening this season. At the beginning of the year, Cal entered their 2008 campaign unranked with the expectation that it was a “rebuilding” year. After all, we had a new receiving core and a young running back carrying the team. Plus, we weren’t sure about who our main QB would be. Our season looked to be mediocre at best.

But then we won our opener against a tough Michigan State team and destroyed Washington State in game two. Guess what, we were ranked bitches. Number #23 in the nation, and going strong all the way over to Maryland. We were ready for… shit.



Okay, so things didn’t turn out the way that we planned. After that stinker to the Terrapins, Cal fans were grounded once again. I mean, we should’ve just been grateful that we ended up ranked. So after that, we were humble. But then we won once, and then we won twice. Guess we actually are for real! Hey look at that, another nice shiny ranking, at number 25. Cool! If we keep this pace up we’ll be number thirteen in no…. shit!

Back to reality again! What the fuck Cal, why are you such a big cock tease? You give us some and then all of a sudden we get the rug pulled under us by losing to these mediocre teams. Arrgh. At that point of the season, I wasn’t going to believe anything the AP Poll said because it didn’t matter. Once we get ranked, we lose the next week. Once is a coincidence, twice is a fact, and if it happens a third time, well it’s a certainty.

Before beating Oregon, I knew that the Oregon, USC stretch in our schedule was going to be crucial. If we beat these two teams, the rest of the season should be a piece of cake and maybe, just maybe, we would make the Rose Bowl after all these years. That’s why after we beat the Ducks, I was ecstatic because it looked like our fortunes were changing. The matchup against USC looked winnable and the Rose Bowl seemed to be in grasp. Then I went to Yahoo Sports and I found out that, surprise surprise, we’re ranked.

Great. Now it’s pretty much expected that we’re going to lose to USC, most likely in an embarrassing manner. I mean I already kind of thought we had only a slim chance against USC, but now that we’re ranked, we’re totally fucked. What the hell AP voters? Why do you want to screw over us Cal fans like that huh? You think ranking us will help our cause? Well guess what assholes, it hasn’t helped all season and it certainly isn’t going to help us defeat a fucking team that we haven’t beat since 2003. If we couldn’t hold our own against the likes of Maryland and Arizona after being ranked, what kind of chance do we have over USC? Shit, man!

Why did you rank us anyway? We’re not very good. Oh, big deal we beat Oregon. You know who else beat Oregon? USC, by a lot. See, it’s not that impressive. I mean really our team isn’t stellar at all. We have a split quarterback system, and I’m not talking about a cool one like they had in Florida with Tebow and Leak, I’m talking about a shitty one with Riley and Longshore. A two QB system with one QB who gets his confidence shattered easier than a fat girl at a date auction and another QB who makes the kind of throwing decisions that, well, Nate Longshore would make.

I mean our defense is okay, but it’s not top 25 okay. We gave up 42 points to Arizona for Christ sakes. Definitely not top 25 material.

So in conclusion AP voters I would just like to extend my hand to tell you to fuck yourselves, because now we’re totally, eternally screwed thanks to your votes.