Stop the Presses, The A's Take a Holliday

Dear Matt,

Welcome to Oakland, California. I know you haven't played for any other team since being drafted by the Rockies, but don't worry. There's nothing to do in Colorado anyways. You'll love it in the American League. Since you're the boss of the team now, you can take a day off if you want and DH.

You were born in Stillwater, Oklahoma, and moved on to Colorado after that, so you probably haven't seen too much. You rejected an offer to be a QB at Oklahoma State, but that's cool, baseball's cool. Forget the Cowboys, it's not like they're any good anyways.

Oh wait, they're ranked #13 in the nation.

It's all good, Matt. We from California just wanted to give you a big welcome. It's time for you to shine in the big city by the Bay. Oakland is just a bridge away from it, the San Francisco treat! But when you arrive in Oakland, you have to change your persona a bit. Your nickname is "Big Daddy," so that's a good start. "Tough" and "hardcore" are keywords to survival here. I'm sure you'll learn quick.

Just remember, NO MORE of this shit:


and much, much MORE of these:


You're welcome for the advice. Enjoy your stay in Oakland, whether it's only the 1 year remaining on your contract or a multi-year deal with us. Really, the A's aren't that bad. Don't let this past season fool ya. We always find a way to contend in the AL West. We somehow always manage to find some young guns in our minor league system to surprise the whole world. It's definitely going to happen again this coming year, because face it, we got nothing up there, except YOU of course.

Alright, hope you're the big bat we needed. Thank goodness we DIDN'T resign that Jason Steroids Super Mario Brother Moustache Thong Wearing Giambi.