The Raiders Won? I'm So Confused Now...

Why do we have more points than the Broncos? And how did Jamarcus Russell complete over 90 percent of his passes? And did we hold Denver to only 10 points? And how did Justin Fargas have a one hundred plus yard game? And McFadden got two touchdown scores? That’s crazy talk man!

What’s next, now you’re going to tell me that one of our receivers played well? Wait, what? One of them did? They caught a TD pass? They even got more than ninety yards? Who was it? Ashley Lelie? Haha, yeah right, I thought that guy sucked, nothing more than a failed prospect from Hawaii that’s been bounced from team to team. He doesn’t suck? Well what do you know?!?

But still, Jay Cutler must have done good right? I mean JaMarcus is great and all, but we totally missed out on the chance to get that Cutler guy. He’s awesome. What? He had no touchdowns yesterday? But he’s had one for the last 11 games! He can’t be stopped. We stopped that streak? Wow, that’s unbelievable!!

And gas is cheaper, a black man is in the office…. Ugh, this is too much for my brain to handle!! I’m not used to all this good news?!?! Head throbbing, stomach in pain, lungs aching…. Too much information to process… so happy! Must release good will and joy on all of mank-

(Someone walks by with a Broncos jersey)

Hey, you Denver fuck! We just kicked your ass! Go back to Boulder, hippie!

(Throws beer bottle at fan)

Ahhh, that’s more like it!