TPIC's Birthday: A Very Special Performance By Barry Zito

Oh man, this guitar solo is totally rad dude. I could do this shit all day, it's much more exciting than that boring pitcher stuff I'm forced to do. Anyway, why am I here? Oh yeah, to sing happy birthday to you, TPIC! Here goes nothing..

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to fuckin' you!! YEAHHH!!!

Begins playing Eruption by Val Halen.

Check out this shred man!!! Whoooo!!! Suck on that, Manny! Oh shit, back to the song..

Happy Birthday to umm.... um.... you guys!
Happy Birthday to... Back in Black!!!! Yeahh...!

Begins playing AC/DC.

This is classic man.... whoa. Whoa! Whoa!!! I'm so high right now. Uhhhh, why are the walls melting dude?

OH MY GOD, I CAN'T FEEL MY FACE!!!! SOMEONE HELP ME, I'M FREAKIN' OUT MAN...AHHHHHH.

Zito begins puking.

WHOA THIS IS INTENSE MAN. EVERYTHING IS SPINNING. UGH, WHAT IS GOING ON...! I FEEL SO DIZZY, I THINK MY BRAIN IS TRYING TO LEAVE MY MIND THROUGH MY EARS. WHAT THE FUCK, WHY ARE THERE SO MANY PENGUINS HERE??

AAAAHHHH!!!

Barry passes out.

Best birthday ever.....ugh.

Don't worry, we just told Smithers to have The Rolling Stones killed. Barry's post is here.