TPIC's Birthday: Jim Harbaugh's Birthday Speech

Sup Play in CA. I normally would be here to say congradu-fuckin’-lations and all that jazz , but you’ve been giving big Jim here a bit of the shaft lately. How could you fucktards do college previews for USC, Cal, and UCLA, but not one for everyone’s favorite coach? What’s up with that man? I’m like TPIC’s number one character. I totally would’ve won that stupid California Sports Person of the Year bullshit if it wasn’t for that damn Shark. Technically he’s not a human, SO I AM the best sports guy around. And yet with all these accolades, I still get no love? What the fuck?

This makes Jimmy H not a happy camper. It’s because you guys have a Cal bias. You know what I do to Cal football teams? I rape them and then steal their stupid axe. That’s not even a real axe, this is a real axe:

Flexes bicep.

See how I made the comparison between my bulging biceps to an axe. That’s true word play right there. Only the cleverest of wordsmiths could make that metaphor. That’s why I’m the greatest coach ever. Greatest coach ever AND greatest writer ever. That F. Scott Fitzgerald guy was a total pussy, had absolutely nothing on me.

Just look at him. What a queer.

Well yeah anyway, I’m glad you invited me to your gay party or whatever. All I know is the Jim gets some free drinks and some free cougars to hit. Can’t argue with that offer, give me a high five!

The original Jim Harbaugh post is here.