Say So Long to Thunder the Mascot, Warrior Fans

Thunder the Warrios mascot no longer has a job. The mascot has to retire due to the new Oklahoma City franchise already claiming the rights to all that is “thunder” related. We recently caught up with him to find out his thoughts:

It’s been a tough week since I found out the Warriors were going to let me go. It’s totally not fair. The Oklahoma City Thunder, pssssht. That’s not even a real mascot; it’s almost as lame as the Heat. Besides, who says there can’t be two Thunders around? The NBA? Well fuck them!

Glug glug glug.

Anyway, ever since being let go, I had to sell the house out in Pleasanton. Mrs. Thunder wasn’t too pleased about that either and she ended up leaving me for Jerry Johnson who lives down the street. Oh, I’m sorry Mrs. Thunder that I can’t pay for a three bedroom house or a buy you a new Camry or take you out to fancy restaurant like Jerry Johnson can. What ever happened to those vows that we made when we got married, that you’ll support me in rich or POOR?! She even took lil’ Thunder with her. WHORE!

Glug glug glug.

God, it’s pretty tough out there on the job market for mascots. First I tried applying for a position in Oklahoma City. You think it’d be easy right? I mean their team name is Thunder, my name is actually Thunder, a match made in heaven right? Wrong. Those jerk offs just don’t think that a guy who has lightning bolts for hair represents the company image. What the hell man? Could it not be more obvious?

Glug glug glug.

Then I tried applying for other teams, but you know what? It’s really hard to apply for a job as a mascot WHEN YOU’RE SKIN IS FREAKING BLUE! I tried applying for the Lakers, but they’re yellow and purple. Then I tried applying for the Kings, but they’re purple. What the hell man?

Finally I landed a solid interview with the Wizards, but they said that they already hired more suitable for the job:

What. The. Fuck. How can this lardo attract the fans. He doesn’t even know how to ride a scooter correctly for Christ sakes. Besides, doesn’t Washington want to hire someone with a more built physique? Someone who has muscles literally bulging out of his jersey, someone who is built and bulk?

What, you say? No, I didn’t get fired because of those steroid allegations alright?

Glug glug glug.

God my life is a mess. I would do anything if I could just do one more triple summersault slam dunk during half time.