A Letter From Jeff Garcia to Brett Favre

Hey Brett, how are you, you silly goose!

Me, I’m super, thanks for asking!

I just wanted to say congrats on coming out of retirement. The will he or won’t he tension really made me tune in. I even had to skip my usual sessions of Sex and the City with Carmella to keep track of all the drama that was going on in Green Bay. I LOVE SEX AND THE CITY, don’t you? I mean, don’t you just find that Samantha is so bold and glamorous? She’s an absolute devil!

Anyway, because of you, I’ve been watching a lot of ESPN. I NEVER watch ESPN either, unless one of those body building shows is on. That or Scott Van Pelt. He’s so cute, like in a Woody Allen kind of way.

Oops, I mean, uh, he’s not sexy. Um, that female sportscaster that everyone talks about is really sexy. Who’s the girl all the guys dig again? Um, Dana Jacobson? Oh, no, that’s not her. Oh, Erin Andrews. Yeah she’s really, um, hot, and um, hot? Yeah. I totally like her, because you know, I’m really into the lady folk and all. In fact, I think me and Carmella are going to have sexual intercourse today because that’s what husbands and wives do, right?

Anyway, enough about me, let’s talk about you. I hear that you’re going to be traded to Tampa Bay. You silly buns, don’t you know that’s where I play? I don’t think you’ll really like it here, Brett. I mean it’s always sunny and hot, there are too many strip clubs, and all these scantily clad women walk around everywhere. Who likes that?

Though, if you did come down to Tampa, it’d be kind of cool to have a new gym buddy. Chris is cool, but when we go to the gym, all the guys girls always check him out. I don’t get it, who likes blondes these days anyway?

Don’t they know I’m the total package!

You should totally go to San Francisco instead. On a personal note, San Francisco was always my favorite place to play. It’s really my kind of town *wink* *wink*

Anyways, gotta run. Carmella and I are going to go purse shopping now. For her only, of course. Talk to ya soon big boy.

XOXOXO
Jeff Garcia

I know that yesterday we promised to not cover the Brett Favre story anymore, but this was too good to resist.