Alex Smith Doesn't Believe He Might Not Start This Season

…………………………………………......................................................…………………………………sigh.

How could the Niners even think of benching me? I mean, isn’t a 54.4 passer rating good enough in the NFL these days? Last year, I was slightly above Kellen Clemens in the ratings, man. Give me a break. Imagine if I wasn’t injured and played all 16 games! I would’ve been slightly above Tavaris Jackson, and he’s practically a future Hall of Famer in my book.

Besides, I was just warming up all those years when they Niners were putting their pieces in place for the ultimate team. Now that we have Gore and Willis in the fold, I’m ready to step it up too guys! It’s called rebuilding a team, and there’s no one more ready to build than the Hurricane from Helix, Alex Smith! Gee whiz, I even got my hard hat and hammer ready. And I’m funny too, see. I bet you even Sinbad couldn’t have come up with a funnier joke.

What am I going to do with all these Alex Smith jerseys I bought over at the Sports Chalet? When I walked into the store and the guy asked why Alex Smith was buying a bunch of his own jerseys, I simply answered it was for all these kids in charity. The real reason was because no one was buying them, not even my mom or dad. (Emoticon :-\) But hey, it’s ok, I ended up selling them to this pretty cute girl I met at the Death Cab for Cutie concert I went to recently. I wonder what she ended up doing with them.

I’m probably not her type anyway. She seems like the type to play games with nice guys’ hearts.

God this is so sad, even sadder than when McDreamy dumped Meredith for the sixteenth time. The worse part is that they might replace me with this asshole.

Ay, top of the mornin’ to ya. Name is O’ Sullivan, JT ‘O Sullivan, and bless me Blarney Stone, but it seems that I may be the right man for this football job. Throw a pass faster down than Saint Peter himself, that I can. I was so excited that I was able to get to the job that I called my cousin, Thomas O’ Leary Fitzpatrick McCallahan O’ Toole McMillian, yes I did! Why, when I’m done with this season, why I’ll have San Francisco be seein’ a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Yipee!!!

Seriously, what the fuck San Francisco? This guy? This guy?!?! Don’t you want a homegrown AMERICAN boy with a name like Alex Smith! Oh yeah, I forgot, you guys are from San Francisco, you freedom haters.

(Puts on a Daphne Loves Derby record)

Mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn……………..