Trades, Trades, and More Trades

Lately, we've been seeing a lot of trades here in California. And not just one sport, but every sport. The NBA off-season trade saga is now beginning and the MLB trade deadline is approaching, so what else do we talk about? MORE trades!


Let's get a quick wrap-up of the trades that have taken place. So far, I think we've all got to agree that the trades of all trades that's taken place was:


After that happened, the Warriors were like: F*ck that! We're gonna offer Elton Brand the most $$ he's ever seen in his life, a whopping $90 million! But Elton Brand was like: Psssssssh I am a loyal Clipper. We suck, but I am loyal. So he decided to sign with the 76ers. So the Warriors went ahead and got:


Sorry Clippers, but payback's a biatch! Warriors got another proven scorer, and Clippers got NOTHING! Don't get me wrong, Baron is the shit, but he's only back in LA to try out his directing/producing skills. Being on the Clippers' squad is pretty much early retirement for him. He's in Hollywood, money's coming in, and he doesn't need to do jackshit for it. Great businessman, that Baron!

As if stealing from the Clippers weren't enough, the Warriors are trying to pry Ronny Turiaf away from the Lakers. Man, I LOOOOOVE the Warriors. Bring some Nor-Cal flavor to the So-Cal vibe.

If the Lakers match the Warriors' offer sheet to Turiaf, I've got another solution for the Warriors:


Miss Candace Parker. I'm telling ya, she's just too good to pass up. Get her to the NBA so she can really dunk and drop 40 pts a night against the Clippers. Chris Kaman ain't got NOTHING on the real Big C! Chris Paul = CP3 Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease, CP3 is for Candace Parker!

What do we do with the Sparks? We'll just give them Ron Artest and let the WNBA deal with his attitude and rap game. The Kings are non-existent anyways.

Oh yeah, the A's also made a trade, giving up the flame-throwing Rich Harden and Chad Gaudin. Well, knowing that Billy Beane is a trade genius, the four players the A's got out of the deal will develop into 10 superstars. Yup, that's how good Mr. Beane is.


If only the Giants can do the same. The only trade the Giants are able to make now is to give up their veteran (OLD) players--Omar Vizquel, Ray Durham, Rich Aurilia, Dave Roberts--for a bag of peanuts. That way, I can actually sit back and watch some exciting baseball and enjoy my nuts!

To shake things up a bit, here's a few more trades that I'm going to make for our lovely California sports managers:

Mark Grieb (SaberCats) to the 49ers (because Alex Smith is shit)

David Beckham, the new kicker for the Raiders. That'll be fun to watch.

Convert any one of the Raiders' 1500 RBs to the Padres, because the Raiders don't need it, and the Padres will take whatever they can get. Add in a grade A++ can of whoopass for the Padres and watch them still suck ass.

Throw Barry Zito to the Lakers. Pitching ain't working for him, so maybe he could be the next Fisher with the lefty J's. Plus he'll be out of the spotlight behind Kobe. They'll team up to be Koto, or Zibe. Yeaaaaa.....

Find any injured player from any sport--ping pong, ballet, whatever you have it--and give him/her/it to the Dodgers so they can add someone else on their DL.

Off the top of my head, that's about it. Feel free to add to the list in the comments.