A Pause in My Break: I Hate to Interrupt the Cal WR Lovefest

I hate to interrupt all the Cal receiving core fellating that has been going on around here, but I decided to come in and take a break from my break to give my two cents on how both of these young receivers are REALLY going to perform in the pros.

Now, I realize that my credentials as an NFL analyst aren’t particularly stellar, being that I never played football on a pro, college, high school, pop warner level. In fact the only experience I have as a receiver is when me and my friends would play pick up games and we ran out of positions, so I would have to play the dreaded blocker / tight end position. Hey, according to my stat counting, I recorded an average of 6 receiving yards and 0 YAC yards per game. Take that, Bubba Franks.

But seriously, it doesn’t take a football god, or even Dan Fouts, to figure out that DeSean Jackson is a little undersized. And when I say little, I mean really undersized. Currently, Jackson registers at a staggering 5’ 10’’ and a whopping 175 pounds. He’s the perfect size for a football player, if he was a kicker and his last name consisted of 20 different letters. Seriously, even Ace of Spades is bigger than that, and that’s not even a joke!

People will tell you that there have been some undersized receivers who have been successful in the NFL, namely Santana Moss, Deion Branch, and Donte Stallworth. Well I’ll tell you this, if you define success by the standards of Santana Moss, Deion Branch, and Donte Stallworth for the sake of DeSean, then I guess you’re also the type of Cal fan person who must think that Aaron Rodgers is going to be a stud considering he hasn’t started a game EVER and that he has had a season ending injury twice in his career. But besides those two minor facts, you think to yourself “well he’s still going to be good because!” I know someone who uses the same argument, but he’s only five.

The truth is Aaron Rodgers will be a mediocre to below average QB and DeSean Jackson will be an above average punt returner but a below average WR. He'll also probably get injured midway through the season, just like Aaron!

Others will say that DeSean has speed to burn corners every play. True, but there’s also something that many people over look. Hmm, what are people forgetting, what could it be? Oh yeah, the fact that DeSean is playing with men now! Men who are fast as if not faster and twice as big. Throw in some steroids, former Hurricanes, and Brian Urlacher, and it’s lights out for DJ.

The biggest argument I really hate though is when people make nonsensical arguments like “he’s a playmaker” or he has a “special dynamic.” These are football equivalents to office buzzwords. You know, they’re the type of things people say to make it look like they know what they’re talking about when, upon further examination, you realize they and you have know idea what they mean. Stuff like saying to “think out of the box.”

When people say those kinds of things, I just want to ask what the fuck they’re talking about. The same things can be said about football analysts who praised Mike Vick and Reggie Bush for bringing a new dynamic to the field. Oh, you mean someone who can run as a quarterback but can’t throw as a quarterback, or a guy who can return punts and catch well but as a running back can’t really run for shit? Why don’t you just insert LT in as quarterback (he already has a high career rating) or put in Plaxico Burress at RB? Hell, ESPN might just start calling you a person who thinks “outside the box.” The point is when people say DeSean is going to be good because he brings an X-Factor or something like that to the game, kindly kick them in the groin. Thanks.

I’m not even going to talk about Robert Jordon until he actually plays, and at that point this blog will either be non existent or he’ll be leading the 49ers to the Superbowl. I’m guessing it’s the first choice though.

So I hate to rain on my fellow commenter parades, but I just needed to address some things and point out that The Play In California isn’t all about brown nosing former and current Cal players. At least I’m not. That is all. Now if you excuse me, I’m going to continue my soul searching break, I was like this close to reaching nirvana.