Aaron Rodgers Writes His Own Letter To Brett Favre

A cold day in March, just after Brett Favre has announced his retirement. Aaron Rodgers sees his announcement on ESPN, and worried, decides to write to Brett…

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..
Got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window..
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be gray,
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad..

Dear Brett, I wrote you but you still ain’t callin,
I was worried about you when I saw you on TV, bawlin,
I left my cell, my home phone, and my MySpace at the bottom,
I even sent you two Facebook messages but you must’ve not got ‘em,
Maybe the internet sever just wasn’t workin' right,
Either that or I messed up, my computer skills ain’t to bright,
But anyways, fuck it man, how’s it going?
I know you’re in Mississippi, you bummed out because it ain’t snowing?
I was there at the NFC Champ game and I want to say I’m sorry,
It should have been you who had the big Super Bowl upset story.
I know you probably hear this everyday, but you’re the greatest,
Better than Brees, Manning, Brady, anyone from the generation of the latest.
I idolize you, you’ve taught me how to take a hit,
I saw that sack you took from Mike Rucker, and I gotta say, that was the shit.
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back,
Just to chat, truly yours your biggest fan, this is Aa-ron.

Two months past and Favre hints he may not be retired after all. Aaron writes a letter again...

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..
got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window..
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be gray,
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad..

Dear Brett, you still ain’t called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
I ain’t mad, I just think it’s FUCKED up when we don’t communicate, man,
If you didn’t wanna talk to me after the last practice,
You didn’t have to, but you could’ve at least talked to Ryan Grant.
He’s like my little brother man, he’s only a rookie in the league,
We waited to talk to you for in the blistering cold for you,
For four hours and you just said “I’m fatigued.”
That’s pretty shitty man, you’re his fucking hero,
He wants to be just like you man, you made him feel like a zero,
I ain’t that mad though, I just don’t like being lied to.
Remember when we played and Denver, and you said I’d start when you called it quits?
And how you said your word was legit?
See I’m just making sure that that’s how it’s going to be.
I want to continue the Brett Favre legacy.
You taught me everything, I’m glad to learn from the best.
I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest.
When I worked with you, it was practically heaven,
My groupies are jealous cause I talk about you 24/7.
But they don’t know you like I know you Brett, no one does.
Being a quarterback in the NFL is really hard, huh cuz?
You gotta call me man, lemme know that you’re done,
Sincerely yours, Aa-ron, P.S.
We should get together for a run.

Aaron Rodgers discovers Brett has sent a letter of reinstatement to Roger Goodell. He is not happy and writes his last letter…

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..
got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window..
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be gray,
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad..

Dear Mister I’m Too Good To Stay Retired,
Don’t you know I’m the new quarterback that Green Bay hired?
This is the last letter I ever send your ass,
First you retire, then you don’t, c’mon man, have some class.
So this is my cassette I’m sending you, I hope you hear it,
I hope you O D on your painkillers, pass out, and choke on your vomit,
I’ve waited three years to start, I don’t deserve it?
In the game against Dallas, I played nearly perfect.
Hey Brett, you know that movie Friday Night Lights
About that guy who shouldn’t have played but still went on to the field
And then he got an injury on his knee and it never healed?
That’s kind of how this is, you could stay off the field and continue to be healthy,
But now you’re playing, and you’re too old to dodge tackles and be stealthy,
I loved you Brett, we could’ve stayed civilized,
But now it’s my starting position that you’ve jeopardized.
You ruined it now, I hope you can’t sleep and you dream about it,
I hope your conscience EATS AT YOU and you can't THROW without me
Shut up bitch, I’m trying to talk!
Hey Brett, that’s my agent in the trunk,
He tried to get me on Madden but I ain’t like you
Because I’m an NFL 2k guy, and I’m a starter in that game too.
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now
Oh shit, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this shit out?

SPLASH! CAR SINKS INTO THE RIVER.

The next day…

Green Bay Management: So Brett, it looks like Aaron Rodgers went off the deep end and ran his car into a river. Doctor’s say he’s still intact, but his injuries are critical, and it looks like he won’t make it. All of the other guys are heading to the hospital because it looks like it might be the end. We’re all very devastated.

Brett Favre: I see. Yeah I’m pretty sad too……………………………………………………………….

Brett Favre begins to cry.

He wipes his tears and maintains his composure.

Brett: So………… now that there’s no QB, when do I get to start?