How to Win an NBA Finals Game for Dummies: LA Lakers Edition

Rule #1 and always rule #1: Bribe the refs.

Make sure the you slipped the refs at least 100 dollars more than the opposing team. That way, the disparity in foul shots, as seen in game 2, will not occur.

Rule #2: Inexperience + Nervousness = Failure. Sigh Farmer…maybe he’s just not ready for the big stage just yet. He looks terrible and he’s never had success in a championship game (Florida). It might be worth considering playing him less than 10 minutes in game 3. He just doesn’t look ready.

Rule #3: The star of the team must wake up before halftime. Kobe, buddy, you can’t go into halftime with 10 pts scored. And you definitely can’t make 1 on 5 drives anymore. It won’t work in the Finals. Seriously.

Rule #4: ROTATE IF DOUBLING! Countless times did the Lakers double up, and not bounce back to catch the guy on the perimeter hitting the long range or mid-long range jumper. Even if you cant make it back in time, at least run and jump, it might throw them off a little. Yeah, that’s to you Turiaf; don’t think your laziness went unnoticed.

Rule #5: Foul Trouble: Lamar Odom…5 fouls by the beginning of the 4th quarter. Unacceptable.

Rule #6 Luke Walton sucks. 2 pts. 2 turnovers…in 13 minutes of play. I’d rather see Mbenga in the game then Walton. Pathetic.

Rule #7: Watch video tape of Pau’s posterizing dunk.

Pau Gasol spun on KG. He then backed him under the rim. He then slammed it. Booyah (for about 45 seconds before the Celtics woke up). It is highly likely that if the Lakers were too attack more often, bringing the ball into the big men, and bouncing it out to guards who weren’t shooting, but rather cutting and driving…there might be a greater success and chance of victory.

And finally Rule #8:

Pray and apply voodoo curses on the opposing team.

From Around the Blogs:
So long Cedric [USA Today]
Kenny Stabler gets a DUI. Makes sense. [Sports by Brooks]
Old men should not wear jerseys [Metroville]