Every Real Laker Fan's Nightmare: A Stereotype of a Poser Laker Fan aka Nash From Orange County

If you read Kissing Suzy Kolber on a regular basis (which I do) then you’re probably familiar with the Tommy From Quinzee character that pops up on random posts. Basically, Tommy From Quinzee is the amalgam of every single Boston stereotype rolled up into one huge, fictional, douchebag fan. Imagine going to a Red Sox game on St. Patrick’s Day. Now you get the idea. Or, you could just read the link to get a picture of what I’m talking about.

We all know America is filled with douchebags. They come from various places and come in various forms. There are your music douches from Seattle, your nightclub swinger douches from Miami, your asshole douches from New York. Yet, even with Boston currently leading the charge in douchery, everyone knows that the true breeding ground for America’s top douchebags is the city of LA. With designer names and trendy nightclubs, how could a douchebag resist the City of Angels? Hell, just walk into a Spagos and you’ll know what the hell I’m talking about.

Anyway, within the last year, the title of douchemaster has been a battle of Boston vs. Los Angeles concerning the sports fan. I’m not here to clown on all Laker fans. In fact, both fans have a hardcore fan base, which is awesome. Unfortunately, both fan bases also have a lot of people who know really nothing about sports because well, they’re douches. As the NBA finals begins to roll around, we will see a lot of these fans running around the street, flashing their Kobe shirts, Garnett jerseys, hell even just some generic Bo Sox cap while yelling obnoxious, tired old phrases like “Kobe for MVP” or “The Celtics ah Wicked Ahhhsome!” Shit. Someone just get a cue-tip and stab me in my ear drum already, because I’m going to have to hear this shit all week. Indeed, “Tommy From Quinzee” won’t be a fictional character on a blog, he’s going to be a real person.

While we do enjoy a good Boston fan bashing like everyone else, we noticed there is no caricature for the LA douchy sports fan. Thus, to complement KSK’s very own Tommy From Quinzee, we decided to introduce our own character like him, but with a west coast feel. Everyone, meet Nash From Orange County:

(Once again, please note this is not to bash everyone from LA. We are not ambitious enough to take on the 2nd most populated city in the US. This is just to bash the people from LA who basically fit the mold of our friend Nash here, the mold of an uneducated fan, so enjoy!)

Sup dude! Can you believe it? The Lakers are in the finals dude! That’s totally legit! I mean I guess I’m not that surprised about the finals, with Kobe leading the charge and stuff. He should have been MVP for the last 5 years in a row man, no joke. Dirk and Tim Duncan are total clowns man. They never score as much as Kobe in a game. They don’t even dunk that much! That’s totally not MVP material. Kobe sure showed them this year how it’s done, and he did it all by himself!

Let’s not give forget to give credit where it’s due, though. The other guys on the Lakers totally rocked this year too. Paul Gasol was great at helping Kobe get those open shots. Great passes Paul! And Jordan Farmer was awesome. Now I can see why he was so great at UCLA. I mean he totally owns defenses with his skills. When he has the ball, he just makes people look stupid. He’s so money, man. Lamar Odom was a total beast man. I’m not sure why, exactly, but he was a monster on the court.

Who could ever doubt Phil Jackson? The man does yoga. That’s so new age and totally cool. It just shows you how open minded people in California are. Maybe if the rest of America would put down their guns and think a little progressively, then all of us could end up achieving greatness, just like Phil. Man he made the Lakers so sick!

I’m so loving the Lakers right now. Yesterday, I totally saw some loser out in Westwood sporting a Celtics cap. I went up to him and was just like, “Boston is weak sauce dude.” Then he tried to start some shit with me, but all I had to do was flash my Kobe jersey and he backed away. What a pussy. My Kobe jersey is so dope man. I got it from the Lakers website, it’s one hundred percent authentic, and it only cost me 150. That’s nothing dude. I love sporting my Kobe jersey while rockin’ out these new sandals I got from Hollister. You should see them, they’re sooo money.

Not only do I love sporting my Laker gear, but I also own about 6 Laker polos. And guess what? They’re made by Lacosse! I must have spent a few g’s on it, but it’s no big deal. I have a whole closet full of them dude, alphabetized and color coded. You can see them all on my MySpace too, man. It’s so sick. I even have one in pink!


In fact why stop with the Lakers? Everything about LA is super. I love all of it. I’m loving the Dodgers, go Gagne! I’m loving the Trojans, Pete Caroll is the greatest coach of all time! I’m loving the Bruins, Kevin Love stay another year! Hell, I’m even loving the Avengers, the AFL is totally tight! Los Angeles totally kicks ass in every department. So Cal is the greatest place on Earth!

So yeah, I can’t wait until Thursday. I’ll totally be watching the game on my huge flat screen while text everyone to watch the game from my new iPhone. It’s going to be so sick man. Go Lakers! Whoooooo! Represent LA!

From Around the Blogs:
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Five Trades w/ Rasheed Wallace [Empty the Bench]
Soccer in San Diego [MVN]