"Not much explanation for this one."A few weeks ago, we made a challenge out there to a few good bloggers willing to put their blogs and dignity on the line in the wake of the gambling frenzy that took over us with March Madness lurking around the corner. With such a bold declaration of ass whooping, we expected that we’d get a ton of responses from other blogs who wanted to put a little blog wager on the tournament. We were wrong. Thus, we instead decided to contact some of our own blog buddies across the west to see if they were interested. Amazingly, some replied! Yay, we do have friends!
Thus, a few email exchanges later, the bloggers pool was set. Five blogs enter, three blogs are left for dead, one blog contracts syphilis, and the last blog leaves alive.
Us, The Sports Lounge, Gossip on Sports, Bears Necessity, and Battle of California all are in a pool to declare blog supremacy. We're all in a pool, and each blog submits a bracket. What does the winner get, you ask? A day full of blog posts on all the losers’ blogs. We also have a side bet with Bears Necessity. Whoever wins between us two gets one whole WEEK of posts. I can already see myself saying “I made a huge mistake.”
This whole wager was partly inspired by the wager that the Ladies and KSK did last year, and since they don’t seem to be doing it again this year, I figured why don’t we take a stab at it. It seemed like a grand old time. Plus, it would allow us to spread the gospel of Jim Harbaugh ridiculousness to a whole new audience.We’re not very good at the old trash talking though. Okay, actually we’re very good at it, we could go on for a millennia about how awesome we are and how much we are going to destroy the competition. However, we felt like we needed a pro to help us out, a pure craftsman in the art of talking shit. So without further ado, we present to you “Why These Blogs Suck” by Shawne Merriman. Enjoy!
It’s bracket time bitches! When The Play in California asked me to do this special trash talking session for them, I told them, “Fuck you, these guys aren’t Jeff Fisher!”Then I realized, “Damnit, I haven’t laid a hit on anyone in 2 months! I need to get out some aggression.”
That’s why I decided to go along with their little game, so now, Shawne Merriman is going to lay the smack down on all these bitch ass mother fuckers!
HOO-RAH!
The Sports Lounge? You do not make sense to Lights Out! You’re telling me to sit, relax, and enjoy? Don’t you know those are all the things that Shawne Merriman hates? Ain’t nothing enjoyable about a Shawne Merriman hit in which I blind side a bitch ass quarterback and make him taste the lawn fertilizer fresh from Home Depot. The only time I make fools sit and relax is when I send their punk asses to the hospital! When it comes to sports, SM is all about intensity and punishment, not this weak ass shit! After I’m done with you, your name is gonna be changed from the Sports Lounge to the Sports Emergency Intensive Care Unit Specializing in Ruptured Spleens! Did that shit make sense? Hell no, but it don’t matter, because I’m pumped up with roids and ready to take you out! Ohhhhhh yeah!!!!Here’s some Albert Hayensworth action for you!
Gossip on Sports? All this pink and purple makes Shawne Merriman ANGRY!!!!! When I think of the fierceness in sports, I don’t think of pink! Ain’t nothing scary about that color. You want scary? Just live a day in my shoes. Offensive linemen, screaming fans, Al Davis. That’s the kind of shit that I deal with week to week. Sports ain’t supposed to be fluffy and frilly. And most of all, it ain’t supposed to have gossip!! Gossip is like talking shit without backing it up, and you know what happens when I hear that about me? I punch people's faces!
I BREAK YOU!!Battle of California? Hockey? This sport is supposed to be brutal? Fuck that shit! I eat Canadians for breakfast! What the hell are they doing in California anyway? Don’t you know son, this ain’t hockey land, it’s Shawne Merriman’s territory! You know what happens when people get in my territory? Do I really have to ask…
BOOM BITCH!And lastly there’s the Bears Necessity! You got some real balls challenging The Play in CA to a full week of posts. There’s only one problem? I just grabbed your nuts, ripped them out, and spiked that shit to the ground! That’s what Shawne Merriman does, he strips men of their manhood! I read that you cover a lot of stuff about Cal. Well guess what bitches, after my boys at the TPIC win, they’re going to let good old Shawne Merriman have non stop publicity on your puny site. It’s gonna be 7 days of pure Shawne Merriman mayhem. And guess what, I’m gonna shit all over everything California. Nate Longshore? Boom bitch, I just tombstone piledrived his ass! Kevin Riley? Came up from behind him and suplexed him to the ground! Ain’t no quarterback safe, even Joe Ayoob! I’m coming after all you all!
So watch out blogosphere, because TPIC is going to win this shit, and when they do, the beast is going to be released….
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM BITCHES!!!!From Around the Blogs:
Bloggers coming out [Blog of Hilarity]
Jose Canseco no shows at a poker event [Morning Buzz]
A day with the bird whisperer [10,000 Takes]
4 comments:
Nice post, I cant wait for the brackets to come out later today
Let me be the first to say…fuck Bracketology. Nobody knows anything at this point. After the selection show I lasted about 5 minutes into the ESPN Bracketology show before I wanted to throw the TV across the room. The worst part about the NCAA tournament is we have to wait for 4 days before any actual basketball takes place. And until then we get a bunch of jerk offs just talking and talking and talking about who knows what. You want a tip? Go get some fresh air these next few days because Thursday – Sunday it’s time to hunker down and watch some college basketball. Damn it I’m excited.
Just like every year, I have Oral Roberts winning. Stephen Colbert never goes wrong.
Unfortunately, I don't know what the words look like. So I put someone else to win the title.
Winning this challenge is going to be like being the world's quicket ejaculator: yeah, you're the best at something, but that doesn't mean it's anything to brag about and you're probably going to end up all sticky.
Also, Shawne Merriman is not tough; we've all seen what happens to him when someone actually hits back.
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