Chris Webber Retires: A Look Back at a Career That Was Above Average

In an earlier post I suggested that Chris Webber would flop in his return to Oakland, scoring 4 points, grabbing 2 rebounds, and turning the ball over 3 times in 10 minutes of play; eventually getting cut and losing all his money in a heist by the rap group Luniz. In actuality, Chris Webber put up 3.9 points, 3.6 rebounds, and 1.2 turnovers in 14 minutes per game. Not too shabby if I do say so myself. Okay, he didn’t get cut, and no Luniz were involved. Whatever.

Ah Chris Webber, you will be missed. We out in the Bay Area will never forget your rookie season. Nor will we forget the fallout between you and Coach Donny “Swig before game-time” Nelson. And we most certainly promise to forget that you were ever part of the Washington BULLETS. We can, however, forget that you dislocated your shoulder in a game against the Warriors that same season, foreshadowing the demise of your career.

But with all due respect to C-Webb, I thought it would be nice to portray the highlights of his career and life.

#10 Tom Gugliotta. That’s who we got plus 3 draft picks for you, Chris Webber. Maybe someone out there can find this as a positive.

#9 Fan Appreciation Night in Philly. Allen Iverson and Chris Webber don’t show. Chris Webber gets his contract bought out (25 mill) and gets cut soon after. Probably not a good thing but hey, that’s money in the bank.

#8: Chris Webber was named Mayce at birth. Mayce Edward Christopher Webber…you know if he went by that name he would’ve fulfilled one of my dreams and had to kill the actual MA$E over name conflicts. (Sorry but Puff Daddy and MA$E should never have been as famous as they became…screw Harlem World).

#7:127 million dollars. That’s how much Chris Webber’s contact was worth with the Sacramento Kings. Kudos to you for making that much buddy. No seriously, I don’t know how you did it.

#6 Webber put up 20 points on 9 of 13 shooting in the playoffs for the Pistons. For a 13 year vet at the time those are really amazing numbers. Too bad King James was in the building, as Webbers last shot at winning an NBA title was abolished.

#5: Chris Webber led the BULLETS to the playoffs. That should be number #1. The BULLETS in the playoffs…wow. Too bad some guy name Mike was still playing at the time and they were swept by the Bulls.

#4 FILA. Yes FILA. You would not know what the hell FILA was if it wasn’t for two men: Grant Hill and Chris Webber. It’s a shame that those Puerto Rican officials found marijuana in your bag, causing FILA to drop you from their endorsements.

#3: How about that 2001-2002 season? Winning a franchise record 61 games, C-Webb took the Kings to the Western Conference Finals, only to blow it in the 7th game of the series, going 2-9 in the 4th quarter/overtime.

#2 The FAB 5. Yes Chris Webber was part of the FAB 5. Yes, Chris Webber was the one that fucked up and caused Michigan to forfeit its victory again Cincinnati in the Final Four and to remove their 92 and 93 NCAA Final Four banners. Yes, that really sucks and Michigan banned him for 12 years. But still…he was part of the FAB 5 and that is cool.

#1 Rookie of the Year! Chris Webber will forever be remember by the Warriors as the man who scored 17 points and almost 10 rebounds a game to earn himself the Rookie of the Year award. He even led the Warriors to the playoffs that year.

Happy trails, Chris!

We also were considering his relationship with Tyra Banks as a career highlight, but anyone who watches The Soup on E! or her show knows that she's a little nutty, and C-Webb dodged a huge bullet there.

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