Barry Bonds' Defense: Confusion

"What the heck are you talking about?"

Oh man! With all the craziness going on in the sports world today--California Sportsman/Shark of the Year, Perfect Patriots vs. Godsend Giants (koodles to my alliteration), Jo-Wilfried Tsonga serving the whole entire tennis world at the Australian Open, NHL All Star game, NBA All Star starters--what is going on in the world of our favorite unemployed baseball player Barry Bonds?

All this steroids madness began waaaaaaaay back in September of 2003 when the Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative (BALCO) was raided. Doing the math, it's been almost 4.5 years
and Barry Bonds is still being investigated, you might say. What's the latest headline to his story, you ask?


Well...after 92085639843 hours of American Idol auditions dressed as Paula Abdul with his lawyers, Bonds' defense team came up with the utmost brilliant defense to fight this federal case. Being charged with 4 counts of perjury and 1 count of obstruction to justice, Bonds has asked a federal judge to simply dismiss--I repeat, DISMISS--all the charges.

Why? Because he is arguing that the indictment is "scattershot" and noted for its "striking inartfulness." The lawyers said "the questions posed to him by two different prosecutors were frequently imprecise, redundant, overlapping and frequently compound."

After 4 years of this steroids nonsense, after 4 years of horrible Giants baseball, after 4 whole freakin' years, all they can come up with is that Bonds was confused about the investigators and didn't fully understand their questions? Are you seriously kidding me?! What are Bonds' lawyers doing?

"Pssst, Barry. Just scratch and shake your head and make cavemen sounds."

Maybe Bonds' choice to let the lawyers who previously represented witnesses against him to lead a federal case that will change the rest of his life was not such a bright idea.

It's been over 4 years since the beginning of this steroids scandal. So let's wait another 4 years to see what the outcome will be! Aren't you excited?! I definitely am! I think I will just sit in front of my computer and keep refreshing my screen until Barry Bonds pops up and says he was confused again so I can wait another 4 years. Oh boy, what fun!

Until next time, keep waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting.......