SJ Sharkie Reminds You to Read...Or Else

"Remember to read kids.....or I'll bite your mother f--king head off!!!!!"

NOTE: Today's post is inspired by this program set up by the San Jose Sharks: http://www.sjsharkie.com/reading/

Howdy ho kids! It’s me, it’s me, your favorite hockey mascot, SJ Sharkie! How are all of you today?

You know kids, SJ Sharkie loves lots of things. He loves to swim, skate, shoot hockey pucks, and especially loves to hug! But you know what SJ Sharkie loves the most? He loves to read! There’s nothing better to me than curling up to a cozy fire with nothing but a good novel to read. Yup, yup. It might take lots of brawn in order to be a great hockey player, but it also takes plenty of brains too. And the only way you can develop those brains is with a good book. Reading is fun!

So what do you say kids? Are you ready to start an adventure and hop on the express train to the reading zone? What’s that you say? You’d rather play on your Nintendo Wii? You have iTunes songs to download? Your skateboard is calling you?

You mean you don’t want to join your pal SJ Sharkie for story time? Well guess what kids, if you don’t want to read then………………….

…………..I’M GOING TO BITE YOUR HEAD OFF!

You think SJ Sharkie is just one big, silly mascot that is going to take crap and roll over like a big, damn, pushover? Well, guess what sport, you are fucking wrong. SJ Sharkie isn’t always that fun, cheery mascot all the time. No. SJ Sharkie can sometimes be one cruel asshole, especially when you refuse an offer to read with him!

Let’s make this real simple kids. Reading is a necessary tool that you will need later on in the future. It can help you get into college, earn you a degree, and is the key element to starting a great career. Without reading, you won’t be able to get any of these things. Also, as far as I am concerned, without reading, you won’t be able to do pull ups either, because if you don’t read, your arms will be looking mighty tasty to me. There’s nothing tastier than teaching kids the importance of reading.

Oh, so you think I’m joking kids? You say that a cute, cuddly mascot like myself could never be capable of doing such things? Well, sorry to disappoint all you youngsters out there, but I have to remind you, I’m a mother fuckin’ shark. You’ve heard of us right? Sharks. The villains of the seas. The blood thirsty creatures that eat pretty much everything. Yeah, I’m one of them, and if you don’t comply to the rules of Sharkie’s house of pain, you’ll be next.

Have you even seen that movie, Deep Blue Sea? People always bring up that clip where Samuel L. Jackson got eaten by the shark. Kids, do you know why Mr. Jackson got swallowed by one of my kind? No, it wasn’t because the sharks were super mutated. It wasn’t because Mr. Jackson was too close to the water. It was because Mr. Jackson didn’t like to read!

I remember a while back, there was this kid, Billy. He was a good kid, and he loved the Sharks. Once in a while, he and his friends would play street hockey at the elementary school. Then one day, Billy had the fantastic opportunity to meet yours truly in the flesh. After a few phone calls, Billy’s day came as he and I was scheduled for a meet and greet. Billy was a nice kid, and he told me all about the Sharks and his pick up hockey games. I figured a good kid like this would probably like a good book as a gift, so I handed him a copy of The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. I could hardly contain how excited I was for him. Things didn’t go as I expected, though. You know what that ungrateful little twat did? He told me, “sorry Sharkie, I don’t really read that much”, and handed it back to me. How dare he! HOW DARE HE!!!! No one turns down a personal offer from Sharkie, no one!

So what happened to Billy? Let’s just say, after that meeting, he wasn’t a Sharks fan anymore. After all, it’s hard to stand up and cheer when you have a foot missing.

Now you don’t want to be like Billy, do you?

So remember kids the value of a good book. Start today! Open your favorite novel to enter the magical world that reading opens up, because if you don’t, I’ll be watching.