Shaun Livingston Solves His Injury Woes

"You REALLY don't want to see what's under that happy face."

Boy, it's been a pretty busy weekend in sports in California. The Chargers won a squeaker over the Titans in a game where Philip Rivers actually played well and showed a lot of toughness. Yeah, you're reading that sentence right. We're actually complementing Philip Rivers. Even though he is kind of a jerk, we still have to give him a cheer for yesterday's performance. Does that mean all the Philip Rivers bashing will stop? Yes, and by yes, I actually mean no. (Think about that one for a while).

The Kings (hockey version) and Ducks also both lost this weekend to the Coyotes and Predators respectively. The Sharks on the other hand got their asses completely handed to them by the Sabres (tsk, tsk). Guess SJ Sharkie is going to have to make some threats to the players now instead of the kids.

Lastly, all of California's basketball teams faced off over the weekend. The Kings and Clips played on Friday while the Warriors headed down to so cal to take on the Lakers. Normally, the Warriors and Lakers match would probably get extensive coverage on this blog, and it will... just not today. Contributor u12 was on hand during the game and will be writing up a report that will be coming out later in the week (god I hope he doesn't flake).

That's why instead, we'll focus today's post on that other LA team, the Clippers. It must suck to be a Clippers fan. While the Lakers have cool celebrities like Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey Macguire watching their games, the Clippers have that Malcom in the Middle guy sporting their gear. Yes sir, Frankie Muniz really does make me want to go check out the Clippers. He also makes me want to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge while simultaneously punching myself in the nuts on the way down. I think you get the idea.

Being on the Clippers must be much worse. Well okay, probably not considering you're making millions of dollars while living it up in Los Angeles. However, for one Clipper, life has to hurt a little. Actually, it must hurt a lot, physically I mean. Who am I talking about, you ask? Well none other than Shaun Livingston! The poor guy seems to get injured every season he plays. If he could make it through the NBA season until the All Star Game, he should get an automatic vote in.

Yet, I have to ask myself, why does he always get injured? Is he playing too hard? Can his muscles not take the stress? Did someone put a hit on him?

My answer is simple enough: weak bones. Maybe he didn't get enough milk, or maybe he's just unlucky, but someone must do something about his fractured legs and busted knee caps. Physical therapy may help, or even a new kind of knee brace. All of these solutions though have not really produced results though, as Shaun still seems to have a hard time with injuries.

My solution though is fool proof. Some one could chop off his right foot, and he still could play if my plan came to fruition. What is it? Well, I have two words for you: robot legs.

Now before you click that close button, take a look at what I have to show you. Artificial body parts have helped humans for years. Artificial hearts, limbs, hair, and other things have put hope into people who perhaps lost an arm or heart in a freak gardening accident (only Spinal Tap fans will get that reference). So why can't they help Shaun Livingston? Think this idea is stupid? Well I think you're stupid, asshole. (Once again, please do not close your web browser).

Below is a picture of what scientists are doing to help people rehabilitate from leg injuries. It’s completely motorized, and I think the backpack looking thing is some kind of power source, or a backpack.

Although this would strengthen Shaun’s legs a great amount, it’s not very practical. Besides, we’re trying to think of ways to prevent Shaun’s injuries. Instead, this looks like it would just help him recover from them. I’m sure Shaun would draw tons of fouls with that big clunky thing on his back. It would probably be great for boxing out, though.

Now here is a set of robot legs! Imagine the kind of speed that Shaun can pick up with four legs. Plus, I imagine he’ll get incredible hangtime with the kind of power these bad boys have to offer. Even better, if Shaun injures one of them, he still has three left to spare. The only problem is tripping fouls.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking. Wouldn’t robot legs look ridiculous on Shaun Livingston? Well…

… does that look ridiculous to you??

NOTE: Joking aside, we wish Shaun the best!